Month: August 2009

Airports are great for people watching. It makes me realize how much of my life is spent in little eddies of the river of humanity. Even being at the airport only offers a cross section of people. This was more apparent on the first leg of our journey. Now we’re waiting for the Montreal flight and we’ve already discovered several fellow passengers that are also Worldcon bound. In fact we met a person who is heading to Worldcon, who is good friends with people with whom Howard and I are also good friends. It is always fun playing “small world.”

There are lots of parents here with their kids. It makes me simultaneously lonesome for my kids and very glad that I’m able to sit here with my laptop instead of managing small people. The plane will board soon. It looks like the plane may be overbooked. Not thrilled at the prospect of being delayed.

My children are not the center of my life. I know this is true because I am able to function even when they are not around. On the whole I believe this is a good thing. Children need to have a mother who does not revolve around them, but who would rather have them than not. Yesterday I delivered my kids to my brother’s house. Then I drove home alone. It is interesting the gyrations my brain goes through as I try to disengage the habit pattern that checks on the location of the kids periodically. For the first hour of the return trip I kept having a nagging feeling that I’d left something behind, then I would remember that I did leave four somethings behind, but that I’d done it on purpose. Here at home the absence of the kids is also very apparent. Sometimes this is cause for rejoicing (no noise!) and sometimes it is a little sad (no morning hugs.) But mostly I just note that I am missing them a little, remember that we’ll all be back together in a week, and then I focus on the task at hand. This is good because there are many tasks at hand today. Many things which must be finished up before we leave at o-dark thirty tomorrow.

It has not all been roses and sunshine. I had an anxiety attack for about an hour where I curled up and felt very afraid of all the many things which could possibly go wrong. It was rather like there was this little guy running around in the back of my brain and screaming. Locking him in the closet didn’t shut him up, so instead I pulled him into the center of my brain and listened to every terrified rant he had. He screamed of plane crashes, and lost luggage, and children lost, and children injured, and books not arriving to shows, and consignment deals reneged upon, and spending piles of money, and not getting any money back. Eventually he ran out of things to scream about and I made plans for managing each of these potential bad things. Then I got back up and went back to work. All it amounts to is pre-trip jitters. Once we swing into full motion, the anxieties will vanish and I’ll be able to relax and enjoy the trip. It is going to be a good trip.

I’d forgotten what a sane schedule felt like. For the past few days I’ve had time to clean the house, not a frenzied, must-get-this-done-fast cleaning, but an effort focused on organization and scrubbing rather than quick presentability. Even more important, I’ve had time to snuggle kids until they were done with snuggling. I’ve had time to stop and listen to them until they were done talking. I’ve had time to assist in their projects on their time tables instead of mine. Best of all, this little space of sanity is like an appetizer. Next week will be busy, but after that I look forward to even more of this slower-paced schedule.

I head to Worldcon on Wednesday. I don’t have much of a schedule once I arrive there. Mostly I’ll be acting as Howard’s handler, making sure he eats at appropriate intervals and gets to all his scheduled events. I’ll attend some panels as an audience member. The only three fixed points (beyond a couple of private meetings) are as follows:

Friday August 7
6:45 – late Schlocker Meet-up at Les Jardins Nelson 407 Place Jacques-Cartier in Old Montreal.  We will be departing the convention center at approximately 6:45 pm and walking over to the restaurant.

Sunday August 9
10:00 – 11:00 am Running a Web-based Business P-512DH This is a solo presentation by Howard, but he’ll probably call me up to answer any questions about areas of the business that I run.
8:00 – 10:00 The Hugo Ceremony. Howard will be in a tux. I’ll be dressed to match. We’ll try to get photos so that we can post them.

We’ll be back Home the following Monday. Howard will turn around and leave again, but I will put away my convention clothes and stretch out into the mom role. It will feel good. It already feels good. I’m looking forward to next week, and I’m looking forward to the week after.

Kiki clattered through the front door sun burned and grinning from ear to ear. She had just arrived home from a three-day adventure in living like the Utah pioneers who crossed the plains pulling hand carts. For the next hour she chattered, re-living the entire adventure out loud for me. It was a mish-mash, out-of-order retelling, as such recountings generally are. I sat and listened because experience has taught me that the best time to hear about someone’s trip is within the first 24 hours after they get home. After that, life moves on and details fade. I expected Kiki to use hard, tiring, miserable, and hot as the primary descriptors. Those words did get used, but not until she’d put the words beautiful, amazing, cool, and interesting to extensive use first. I can tell that this trip was one of those watershed events in her life. She got to see her youth group peers in new ways. She got along peacefully with people she did not expect to. She got to see the goofy teenage boys stand up and take responsibility. The talking wound down and she headed for the shower. In the next few days we’ll have to weather many a complaint about her 19 mosquito bites and her painful sunburn, but given the chance to do something similar again, she would go. Mosquitoes and all.