Day: September 29, 2009

From the moment I send friends away so we could have dinner and homework, Link transformed into the walking manifestation of contrary.  From refusing to come for dinner until I scolded him at high volume, to making a whining screech when anyone dared speak to him, to shooting dirty looks at everyone, Link made Oscar the Grouch look like Mr. Rogers.  I got frustrated quickly, but I noticed that any angry response to his behavior only made things worse.  Link was looking for a fight.  I knew why.  He had a writing assignment and he was mad at the world about it.  He hates writing.  Unfortunately for him, this is the year that I have decided that he must practice writing.  He’s significantly below grade level and I’m convinced that this can be remedied if only we can force him to actually practice instead of avoid.  He was attempting to continue to avoid writing by making the experience so unpleasant that I would give up.  This was not a conscious effort on his part.  He was not aware that this was why he was being so awful.

The solution was for me to clear the room of all other people except me and Link.  He was trying to provoke reactions which would distract us all from the assignment.  I denied him those reactions.  I even told the other kids that this was what I was doing while Link was listening.  Then I remained calm and insistent while bringing him back on task.  I rewarded effort by providing drinks of milk or snacks.  I praised where I could and did not react to bad behaviors.  It took an exhausting 90 minutes, but the assignment got done.  (Amusingly the assignment was to write about school subjects he hated.)  Then Link stomped off to his room.

I turned my attentions to the other kids.  It was not long before Link was back.  He had calmed down and was very apologetic for all the trouble he had caused.  He felt really bad about it.  He even made a plan to make things up to everyone.  I think the right lessons were learned.  I just hope that the penitence can last long enough to get him established in the habit of writing without being completely upset about it.  But even if the penitence doesn’t last, my determination needs to.  This is what my son needs from me right now.  He needs me to make him do this thing he hates enough so that it gets easier for him.  Once it is easier, I think he will stop hating it so much.

I predict a string of exhausting homework times ahead.

An excerpt from an email I wrote this morning:
Most of what I write these days is blog entries about small stuff.  It took me a long while to really get the fact that life is mostly constructed of small stuff, that small stuff matters. Little happinesses can make all the difference in the world.  Little dreams are wonderful because they are attainable.  I can go a very long way merely by chasing little dream after little dream.  I don’t need to change the world.  I can just change me.  Me being different may have an effect on the world, or it may not, but it definitely gives me peace and happiness.

Last year I was lousy at making kids get their homework done because I was too insanely busy to do more than a token effort.  This year is offering me the opportunity to atone for that neglect.  The good news is that the heavier load is an indicator that my kids are being challenged academically this year.  Kiki is learning how to tone down her perfectionism and how to time manage for an array of assignments both small and large.  Link is going to be miserable while he is forced to practice both spelling and writing regularly.  Gleek is having her first experience with reports and regular homework.  Patch is thrilled to have homework at all, and wishes he had more of it, except on the days when he does not want to do any.  All of the above requires my active participation, sometimes simultaneously.

Mondays are going to continue to be hard because of the marathon organizational run from beginning dinner all the way until bedtime.  Most evenings will have something of a break between homework and bed.   I hope.  Or I shall be cranky.

I’m sure there are important insights to be made from all of this, but I’m too tired to give them coherence.  Three spelling lists, two spelling assignments, one reading book, one book report, one grammar paper, two maps, two math sheets, and one writing assignment are enough to fry my brain.