Month: June 2010

The return from family vacation

By / June 18, 2010

Six months ago I wrote “family vacation” on the calendar in black ink. I knew that this was the only way it would happen. To reinforce the edict, I paid the money for the hotel in advance. Thus my past self forced my current self to take three days out of a busy week and trek to the wilderness for family time. When I scheduled the vacation it was all by itself in the middle of an empty month. It was my intention to keep that month empty. But deadlines slid around, new activities and projects shoehorned their way into our lives. And the calendar around the vacation filled to overflowing. But the vacation was written in ink. It was our stake in the ground that some times business things had to bend around family things. Howard and I both knew that we were not allowed to move it.

Last week I fretted at Howard. I worried that we would go on the vacation, but that he would spend the whole time stressed and cranky. I worried that because of the vacation we would get even further behind on work, but that the existence of the work would prevent us from enjoying the vacation. I worried that we would come out of the three days having accomplished none of the things I hoped for.

The worries were not groundless. It took lots of conscious effort from all six of us. In the end, Howard had an easier time letting go of stress than I did. I left it all behind just fine for the travel, but when I checked my email that night it lay in wait for me. It was a fretful night for me. But the next day there were other things to do. We were all so far outside our habit patterns that it forced us to interact in new ways. I played games with the kids. We all went swimming. Howard got out his minis and paints. We all watched for wildlife and scenery. We figured out how to get six people to fall asleep in the same room without driving each other crazy. All the business and home things drifted far away and none of us thought of them.

On the last night, just as we were falling asleep, Howard said “This was good. I’m glad we came.” I held my breath for a moment, waiting for the qualifier that never came. He was just glad for the trip. I smiled in the dark.

On way home we drove through Provo Canyon. The scenery in Provo Canyon is every bit as astounding as the scenery we drove five hours to go see and it has the advantage of being a mere 20 minutes from our house. It is true that the canyon lacks herds of elk and buffalo, but you can see deer and big horn sheep if you know where to look. Howard and I looked at the canyon walls impressively high above us, and felt no regret. The trip was never about going to see things, it was about getting away from our regular things and spending time together. This we did. It was an unqualifiedly marvelous vacation.

Choosing my vacation

By / June 17, 2010

On the day following a five hour drive through heavy rain and gusting wind, we loaded everyone back into the car to spend five hours driving around staring out the window at scrubby brush and trying to spot wildlife. There were headaches, and squabbles, and the weather was too cold for us to go hiking. We even got to watch the rare June snow flurries before they vanished on the shoulders of the light jackets we had brought just in case. We shivered as we ran from the warm car to the warm visitor center. All of this on top of the fact few of us slept well during the first night at the hotel, and I was ambushed by work stress via email. The elements were present for misery, and yet misery itself never showed up.

Instead there was a bison who chose to cross the road in front of us when I stopped the car for him. He looked at us and started walking directly toward our van. Just before he got to us, he veered and galloped right past our car, almost near enough to touch had anyone dared to roll down a window. The visitor center had video screens in the floor so the kids could imagine themselves plunging through the tumult of spring run-off, or jumping from mountain peak to mountain peak. Once Gleek drew my attention by shouting “I’m riding a moose!” as she crouched atop the video image of one. There was a chuckwagon breakfast which captured all the adventure of food while camping, but without all the work. We did see moose and elk from afar, but the bison was our only close encounter. Then we discovered that the hotel pool is delightfully deserted in the middle of the day.

So all the elements are here for either a marvelous vacation or a miserable one. I just have to pick which pieces will define the event.

Vacation

By / June 16, 2010

On vacation. Trying to stay away from the internet because it just makes me stressed.

Memories on the walls

By / June 14, 2010 / 1 Comment

I was sitting here in my office, staring at the things around me because my brain felt too tired to work, and I noticed lots of red and green marks on the wall. There is also a large purplish blue smudge. I was staring at this odd array and wondering how it had passed my notice. The wall is white and the marks are very obvious. As I stared, I noticed that the marks define a somewhat rectangular shape of cleanliness. Memory dawned. A whiteboard used to hang on that wall back in the days when it was still Howard’s office. Pre-school Kiki and Toddler Link would come and draw on the board, but they often missed. One particularly elaborate spiral shows exactly how enthusiastic they were about missing. We tried to wash off the marks, but the dry erase marker defied our clean up attempts.

Since those days we’ve re-arranged the office multiple times. The dry erase board was removed and is still kicking around the house. But somehow I stopped even seeing the marks on the wall. They were so familiar that my brain just dismissed them. My home is filled with marks such as these. There is the gouge upstairs where a full length mirror once fell. There are the divots created by the child gates which used to barricade the stairs. The ceilings in several bedrooms are speckled with yellowed glow in the dark stars, once invisible against white paint, now peeling and falling off. Sometimes these damages make me feel quite bleak, because they show so clearly the fact that we need to spend more time fixing up the house. However, on the day when I repaint the walls I hope I spend just a moment contemplating the stories behind the marks before I obscure them.

Teaching the Children

By / June 13, 2010

One of the heaviest responsibilities for me as a parent is to make sure that my children are firmly grounded in the religious beliefs that I hold dear. This is primarily important because of what I believe about this life and life hereafter, but it is also important because faith has been an essential tool for me in handling life. When I am faced with things that are difficult or frightening, I turn to prayer, church, scriptures, and personal revelation. These are the means by which I have survived and will continue to survive. I desperately want my kids to have those tools at their disposal. So I take my kids to church. We pray in our home. Family scripture study is the beginning of the day. (At least in theory, scripture study got lost somewhere in the end-of-school craziness and we’ve yet to put it back.) Most of all, I tell my kids how I feel about these things and they have helped me. But all the teaching, shaping, modeling does not guarantee that my children will adopt these tools for themselves. I can demonstrate the usefulness of a fork all day, but until the child picks it up and practices using it, the fork is only a pointy piece of metal. (or a drumstick, or something to fling off the edge of the high chair.)

Many a parenting book or magazine article will tout the importance of “teachable moments.” These are the times when a child is actively curious about a particular topic. It usually begins with a question and sometimes sparks a discussion which expands to fill whatever time is available. Unfortunately these teachable moments arrive on the child’s schedule, not the parent’s. All too often I stay up late at night talking things over with a child because I found a moment where the words I say will really be absorbed. This is particularly true in relation to spiritual and religious topics. My kids know the right answers. They’ve been going to church their whole lives, it would be nigh impossible for them not to know. But there is a difference between answering “prayer” to a Sunday School question and getting onto your knees in real need, searching for answers to your troubles. It is the difference between seeing forks everywhere and actually using one. (The use of a fork is actually a skill, ask anyone who grew up using chopsticks.)

To my joy, I am not alone in this effort to teach my children about these spiritual tools. Howard and I believe the same things and so we work together rather than at cross purposes. That helps. It also helps that all of our extended family are immersed in the same beliefs. Everywhere my kids go, they see loved ones using these same tools. Most importantly the tools actually work. When my children pick them up and try them, then the same God who helps me, helps them in the same way. That knowledge alone lightens the burden of all the rest. I am not alone in this effort. They are His children too.

It is hard to describe the joy I feel when I see my children reaching for their own spiritual connections rather than relying upon me for answers. I love it when they have their own experiences with prayer or scriptures and then choose to share their feelings with me. At such moments I really feel how my children are spiritual beings in their own right and they’ve only been loaned to me for a time. I have a responsibility to teach them, but I do not own them. I’ve had several such experiences in the last few months and I do not have words to describe how grateful I am to be a part of the growth of these amazing people who happen to be my children.

The Schlock Mercenary Anniversary Party

By / June 12, 2010 / 1 Comment

Being a blogger is a serious disadvantage for certain activities, such as planning a surprise party for your spouse. For the last week and a half my head has been full of stuff about which I could not blog. I’ve been chewing my nails looking at the weather, stressing over the fact that the party time was scheduled at the same hour as the book signings of some friends, and trying to guess whether everything would go well. It did.

Schlock Mercenary 10th Anniversary

Howard was pretty sure I had something up my sleeve for today’s 10th anniversary of Schlock Mercenary, but he did not expect a full party. I truly can not take credit for the event. My major contribution was to approve the good ideas of others and to help make sure that Howard arrived on schedule. The big banner and the birthday cake were both provided by Rodney.

Schlock's birthday cake

We even sang happy birthday to Schlock, but Howard was the one who blew out the candles.

Candle blowing

Most of the party attendees were locals, but those from afar were represented by Pi and Kreely who’ve been along for the ride since the beginning and traveled all the way from Washington state.
The plaque

Dave Brady created an amazing plaque built around a digital photo frame. It is full of pictures provided by far-flung friends and fans. He cast the metal for it himself.

Schlock bowl

The decorations were provided by my amazing sister-in-law Rebecca. She crafted the Schlock candy bowl out of insulation foam. I’m glad I took a picture when I did, because this guy spent most of the party looking forlornly into an empty bowl. The kids took off with his treats.

Place settings

She made some awesome table decorations too. But I think the coolest thing was the epaulets.

Epaulet photo
You can see them right above Howard’s shoulder. Most of the attendees were wearing them by the end of the party. I meant to acquire some, but I got distracted talking to people. By the end of the party, Howard’s epaulets found a new home anyway.

Antennae

It was rainy and cold when the party began, but people came anyway. It warmed our hearts that so many carved time out of their busy lives to celebrate with us, even outdoors in the rain. There were enough people that I did not have the chance to talk with everyone. By the end of the party the sun had come out and the world looked brighter. We shared potluck food and many lingered past the ending hour. It was an excellent event.

Schlock Mercenary is 10 Years old today

By / June 11, 2010

Ten years ago today the first Schlock Mercenary strip went up on the web. Howard had only been drawing for a couple of months. I still considered the whole project a nice hobby for him. I supported it, because I believe it is good for people to have hobbies, but I had not yet bought into the vision. I had no idea that this one little strip on the web was the beginning of so many dreams fulfilled. I had no idea of all the work ahead of us, or of the things I would need to become to help the project succeed.

A couple of years ago I had a conversation with a neighbor in which I talked about the things I was doing. She sighed and said “It must be nice to have time to chase a dream. With three little ones, I hardly know what mine are anymore.” I pondered that statement later and realized that not only was I living a life which allowed for chasing dreams, I was actively catching them and putting them into my pockets. This was made possible because of Schlock Mercenary. In fact, some of these dreams could not even have existed without Schlock Mercenary to stand on.

So today is a day for me to stand up and say thanks to Howard. His dream, his work, his diligence, all paved the way for me to become who I am and live the life that I have. I really love my life, even the parts that are hard. Howard helps me with the hard bits, but I owe him thanks for that every day not just once per decade.

It is also a day for me to thank all of the Schlock Mercenary fans out there everywhere. You came and you laughed. You wrote emails to us which helped us get through the emotional lows. You shared the comic with your friends and co-workers. You said nice things when the words of others stung. We could not be where we are without all of you. Without the fans, this comic would have withered and died long ago. So thank you. I hope you’ll stick with us for the next ten years.

Unexpected Evening at Home

By / June 11, 2010

I planned my whole day around the fact that I was going to escape my house and hang out with adults in the evening. It was all arranged. Kiki was going with Howard. Link would babysit. But then the scout camping trip changed locations from a campground somewhere to my neighbor’s back yard. Link heard the news and suddenly switched from being glad to miss it, to being excited about going. I could not look into his bright, hopeful eyes and say “No you can’t camp out with your friends, you have to babysit.” (The fact that a resentful babysitter is not a particularly good babysitter also played into the decision.) I gave permission and Link gleefully ran off to camp while I canceled my plans. Since Link being excited about camping is the far more rare event, I know I made the right choice. But I still wish I were headed to Salt Lake right now.

This story could be a lead-in to a discussion on parental sacrifice, or a personal pity party. I don’t really want to go either of those places. Loving someone means that sometimes you put aside the things you want for the things that they want. This is true for any loving relationship, not just parent for child. In my case, the kids have had to miss lots of things they wanted because of the needs of the business or the fatigue of their parents. It is only fair that I take a turn sometimes. This need for sacrifice is true in a larger sense as well. I often find myself attending or planning events that I’d rather skip because I value the organization or people involved. I think everyone does this at times. The trick is to do so with my eyes open, knowing that I am giving a gift of time and effort. Like any gift, I need to make sure that I give it with an open heart, not resentfully. And so I am glad to stay home so my boy can camp, even though I’d rather be elsewhere.

Short updates

By / June 10, 2010

This week I have been focusing on getting myself and the kids out of the house more. It is working. We’ve been to a park, a church activity, and gone swimming. I’m beginning to fulfill the promises I made to the kids about how this summer would go.

This week I am also prepping for shipping. Janci and I sorted invoices. I’ve got all the t-shirts and will be folding them tomorrow too. I even placed my first orders for shipping supplies. Next week there will be more invoice sorting. Things are lining up so that we can do the shipping in mid-July.

Howard is working hard as always, trying to rebuild the buffer that took a hit from finishing the book and multiple convention appearances. We’re headed into the home stretch on the current story arc and Howard is placing himself under significant pressure to get it right. I have every confidence in him. I recently re-read the whole story and I kept being amazed at all the little details that he kept track of and brought back around. I was there with him the whole time, reading scripts as he finished them, but I frequently get confused or forget details. But the story really works and is going to be a good book. It is also going to be a really big book.

Our summer life rhythm is creaking along, not perfect, but more-or-less functional. The chore lists need to be tweaked because I can see which jobs are not on anyone’s list. Speaking of chore lists, house chores need to figure more prominently on my to do list as well. After that I can figure out how to give myself quiet spaces in the day. The trip to the park last Tuesday gave me some hints. We were there for two hours after dinner, and for most of it I sat and wrote on my laptop. Evening trips to the park may become a staple of this summer.

Patch and the bike

By / June 8, 2010

It seemed like a good plan to send the kids out to ride bikes. The only trouble is that Patch felt himself too big for the little training wheeled bike, but had not yet had time to learn how to ride on two wheels. I was distracted by the piles of invoices on the kitchen table. So I barely paid attention other than an absent admonishment to Link that he should help his little brother. It did not go well. Link wanted to help, but did not really know how to teach someone else to ride a bike. Nor did he have the strength to hold up a bike while Patch attempted to pedal. Howard came to the rescue, but Patch was already convinced that the two wheel bike was too big and that he needed something in between the two bike sizes. He tearfully clung to this assertion and no amount of cajoling could convince him to give the bike another try. Kiki tried to help too. When I finally went outside Patch was seated on the bike, feet dragging the ground, collapsed limply over the handle bars, while Kiki steered the bike around. I declared bike time to be over and carried the sobbing boy into the house. It took him a long time to calm down.

I had to return to invoice sorting even before Patch had regained full calm. I felt bad about the whole thing, but by the time I realized that I needed to set aside the business stuff for a few minutes, it was already too late. People can not learn things unless they’ve got their attitudes correctly adjusted. My business schedule is so tightly packed right now that I couldn’t afford to reschedule the invoice sorting completely. But I thought about Patch and his bike while I shifted pieces of paper around. I thought about him long after he had calmed down and run off to play a game with Link. Patch is like me. He plans ahead creating mental pictures of how things are going to work. Also like me, he gets very upset when his plans have to be adjusted without advance warning. In his mind he was just going to jump on the bike and go. When that was not the case, the whole thing felt impossible to him. He had to stomp and cry a bit before he could really address the issue.

I’ve been feeling very “stomp and cry” about a lot of little things lately. There are these things that I can’t see how to fix, or that I can only fix in ways that I don’t want to do. I can pay someone to come take the lawnmower away, repair it and return it, but I don’t want to spend the money. A similar application of money would fix the oven, but I haven’t done that yet either. There are some ongoing business negotiations which are pending and I’d like them resolved. Our big shipping day needs to be prepared for, QFT needs more layout, lots of small family and community events require my planning effort. And I am dragging my feet, crying, and feeling like it is all impossible. But it isn’t. If I can just calm down I will be able to see the resources all around me. The solutions will become very clear.

This evening when the invoices were sorted and the afternoon was cooling down, I borrowed a bike handle from my neighbor. It is a long curved handle which attaches to the back of a bike and is specifically designed for an adult to help a child balance and learn. Once this aid was installed, I called Patch back outside. He smiled when he saw the handle and ran to climb on the bike. Suddenly he could picture it working again. He got on while I balanced it, then he began to pedal. Within three steps, I let go of that handle. 10 steps later, he wobbled so I grabbed it again and we stopped.
“Awesome buddy! Did you know I let go?”
“You did?!” Patch grinned. The first solo ride was done.
Rides 2-10 were much wobblier because Patch kept trying to turn around to see if I was still holding on. I was. But after that, he gained confidence. He stopped checking, and I let go more. Inside of 20 minutes I stood in the middle of our cul de sac while Patch rode in circles around me. Same bike, same day, same cul de sac, but the boy had changed. He was given the right support, the right tool, a little bit of confidence, and what had been impossible became accomplished.

I haven’t solved my problems yet. There are still tools and confidence that I need to acquire, but I think maybe these tools exist and I can figure it out.