Day: December 21, 2010

Christmas is a season full of parenting challenges. Somehow I must sift through all the loud proclamations of desire and protestations of need to determine what is actually the best gift for each of the children. In deciding upon gifts I need to find a balance between long-term usefulness and Christmas morning joy. I also have to balance size and cost so that none of the four children feels slighted. All of this must be done within a budgeted amount of money. There are always last minute shifts in interest or need. And sometimes wants and needs are significantly divergent.

Additionally I must try to teach my children something larger about giving and how to go about it. They each must participate in the selection of gifts for siblings and parents. I have to teach them how to discern what a sibling would want that we can actually afford to give. Despite the fact that it is so much simpler for me to just select gifts for them to give to each other, I have to figure out how to let them do the picking. Then there are the little educational speeches about how to behave when we give and receive gifts, which are aimed at making the present opening a conflict-free experience.

Along with the responsibility to teach about giving, I also have religious responsibilities to teach the spiritual meanings of the holiday. Somehow this needs to be framed in a way that is meaningful to each child. One size does not fit all. Lessons about service and giving outside our immediate family are also important to feature. These things must be scheduled and framed in such a way that they are positive for our family and don’t kill the budget.

Cultural events abound during the holidays. Surely I should add some of these into our lives so that we may be enriched.

Then comes Christmas day itself. Allowing the children to tear through their presents in under an hour leaves the whole rest of the day feeling somewhat anticlimactic. It also means that the kids are so focused on the next present that they do not focus on the one in their hands. Thus evolves a series of seemingly-torturous-to-young-children rituals whose sole purpose is to slow down the events of Christmas. Much of the joy of Christmas is in the anticipation and so it must be extended and released as slowly as possible.

Last year I orchestrated a beautiful Christmas for my family. By dinner time I was a wreck, too tired to appreciate what I had created. So this year I somehow need to do all of the above, while also making sure that I do not overload myself.

Ha.

I think the core of sanity in my holiday season is to realize that Christmas is a community created event. I need to stop trying to create Christmas for my family and allow us all to create it for each other. This was the philosophy behind my laissez faire approach to decorating. It is also why I had a brief conference with each child about what they’d like to get for siblings. Then I acquired those things, but waited for the kids to be interested in present wrapping. They each did their own wrapping this year, which allowed them to focus on the gift and the person to whom they were giving it. Hopefully that will create an emotional connection that has them excited about giving on Christmas morning. The kids will be prepping the food for Christmas day. Much of this will be done in advance so that no one slaves for hours in the kitchen solo.

Even in writing this blog entry, I am still plotting and planning. I need to let go and trust that we have enough good structures built over many years. These solid traditions do not need me to steer quite so fervently as I did in the years when we were establishing traditions. I need to relax my grip a little.