Day: October 7, 2012

My brain is full. Usually when my brain is full it feels like a chaotic muddle, a mess to be sorted. Today most of the fullness is the result of listening to four sessions of LDS General Conference. All the thoughts, impressions, and inspirations I gathered from the speakers are not a chaotic muddle. Instead they are like colors of paint swirling together and mixing as they are carried on a current. I feel no need to snatch or clean because I can trust that the things I need will stay with me while the rest will move onward.

I am thinking about a bird of prey tangled in a net. Rescue workers approach carefully, trying to cut the strands so that the bird can fly free, but knowing that the bird will not understand and will attack them for their efforts. Threads part and the bird does fly, but sadly a portion of the net is still tangled on the bird, possibly to get caught on something else and trap the bird again. I think of the be-netted bird when I can see that someone is trapped in a net of habits and compulsions that they can not even perceive. I see it. I want to cut them out, but unlike a bird that can be rescued, people treasure their entrapping nets and they dive back into them. I am left standing with my hands in my pockets knowing that all I can do is hope to help my friend see the net for the trap that it is and then to begin to cut threads for themselves.

I think about the cultural shifts and how so small a change as the minimum age for missionaries can have rippling effects. Suddenly a decision which seemed years off moves much closer. Will there be a missionary boom for a couple of years like the baby boom after the first world war? Will BYU be easier to get into next year as more high school graduates opt for mission before college? In a couple of years it will all settle out, but during the settling process some things will shift. It will be interesting to watch.

My thoughts drift to the many family members and friends who are suffering from lack of employment, under employment, and health issues. The amount I can do to help feels paltry in the face of their needs and I feel guilty for feeling stressed by my own financial strains which are so much less dire. Yet I remember years ago when I was pregnant with Gleek and it seemed that every female relative and friend was suffering from fertility issues. I was growing with blessings that they longed for. Within two years every single one of those women became pregnant. Their longed for children came on a schedule different than the one they wanted, but the children still came. I feel that this is the same, that employment and health are nearby and that the desired security will arrive by faith, not by frantic efforts to exert control. So I try to exercise faith on their behalf. Do what you can. Trust for the rest.

I think much about Simon Peter and Christ. I think even more on the command to pick up discipleship and never put it down again. I ponder what service I am to give in making the world a better place.

Then I close my eyes and think of nothing in particular because I’m still fighting a head cold and too much thinking makes me sleepy. The things I need to do will stay with me, brought back to me over and again by the whisperings of inspiration and divine guidance. For now, I rest.