Courtesy

Yesterday I went to dinner. It was a special dinner provided by our church young men’s organization to honor all the women in our congregation. The whole thing was planned, set up, and run by young men ages 12-18 and their youth group leaders. It was very impressive. The young men all wore white shirts and ties. They took the women by the arm and seated them at tables. Then they served the dinner while the women only had to sit and enjoy.

The young men were all so endearingly awkward. I could tell that they had been carefully coached about proper etiquette and they tried hard to remember it all. I think that was what impressed me most. These teenage boys were trying their very hardest to do everything they could to honor women.

I’m glad that the young men’s leaders did the enormous amount of work necessary to put on an event like this one. I think it is good for us all to honor each other and to treat each other courteously. I think of myself as a strong woman. I can manage most things for myself. But there have been times when I’ve been incredibly grateful that a man took the time to hold the door for me. I pay back the kind deed by holding doors for others when my hands are free.

I am not as courteous as I should be. In particular, I fail to extend courtesy to my children. Courtesy means giving the benefit of the doubt. It means choosing the kindest way to say necessary things. It means choosing not to say unnecessary and hurtful things. It means verbalizing our complimentary thoughts instead of keeping them to ourselves. Courtesy is trying to show our best selves to others, expecting them to do the same, and adjusting gracefully if they don’t. Courtesy is treating others as if they are people rather than tools or obstacles. Courtesy is often small, a smile, a held door, a please, a thank you. By such small gestures we as a society define who we are and who we want to be.