I am grouchy today and trying to figure out why.
It could be because I ran some numbers for my book project. I want very much to believe that we’ll sell 2000 copies of the book. We sold that many of Howard’s book. But my book doesn’t have the built in audience that his book has. If we order 1000 copies and sell all of them we’ll make our money back and have just enough money for another print run. For 2000 books the price per book is lower, but the out of pocket expense is higher. We’ve decided that if the pre-orders get over 850 then we’ll order 2000 books. A part of my brain believes that will be an easy number to hit. Another part of my brain thinks that is a ridiculously high number. The rest of my brain wants both of those pieces to shut up so we can think other thoughts now.
The grouchy could also be related to the fact that I signed Link up for a summer school class. For the entire month of June he’ll be spending 3 hours every week day working on his reading and writing. The teacher swears that they’ll keep it fun. Link likes this teacher and wants to do the class. But it is still 3 hours of school when no one else has school. I’ve told Link that I’ll be making the other kids do more housework and that since he’s in school he’ll only have to do his regular stuff. That makes it a little more fair. Part of me is glad to have this external structure for our lives. Another part of me doesn’t want to sign up for more structure when I was going to get to sleep in more often. I hope Link has fun. I don’t want him to be miserable even though I do want to help him with reading and writing.
Another possible source of grouchy is that I’m pretending that I’m not waiting breathlessly to hear back about the Ages of Wonder anthology edited by Julie Czerneda. She told me that I’d hear by May 22. I know that there are a few more stories coming in by the end of this week. I will probably hear on Monday or Tuesday. But there is an excited voice that whispers about the possibility that I could hear today, shouldn’t we check email just in case? The rational voices preach calmness and talk sensibly about the unlikelyhood of my story being selected. They all jabber while I try to stuff them into a box and pretend I don’t hear any of them.
The last day of school is two weeks from today. I’m trying to plan for a summer schedule. I want very much to keep the kids working on academic things. Link will do this in summer school, but I have to provide a structure for the rest. I want to make sure they all help me keep the house clean and running smoothly. I want to plan enriching activities so that we don’t spend all summer with video games blaring. I’m forming a plan that involves assigning each day of the week a subject of focus. One day could be library day where we check out books and focus on reading. Another day could be art day where I plan an art project. A third day could be game day where I use game play to teach lessons about cooperation or resource management. The cynical voice in my head thinks this plan is ridiculously elaborate and that I’ll never follow through on it past one week or maybe two. but I need some kind of plan to head off the chaos that is a house full of children for three unstructured months.
For me to finish my book publishing project, I require Howard’s help. Every minute he spends helping me is one that he isn’t spending working on his book. I try to keep the impact on his time to a minimum, but I can’t make it zero. Part of me feels guilty for impinging on his work time. Another part feels like it is only my just due for all the hours I’ve spent supporting his work. Of course his books pay the bills while mine is a labor of love.
No wonder I’ve been grouchy. I’ve spent all day fleeing from one set of arguing voices only to trip over another set. I wish I could find a way to make them all shut up so that I could get something done. Watching a movie would work, but then so would gardening. Great. Another argument.
I think you underestimate yourself, Sandra. I think it’s clear from previous things that Howard’s fans will probably give you a chance, and you have them of your own. My husband doesn’t (and won’t for some reason I don’t comprehend) read Howard’s LJ and neither of us read Schlock very often or at all. 🙂 If I can find the money in my budget, I’ll be looking to buy.
The following came this morning from somewhere…
>>>>>>
Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. –
(well, I am actually diagnosing MYSELF…)
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mailbox earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think, since I’m going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my cheque book off the table, and see that there is only one cheque left.
My extra cheques are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk, where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.
I’m going to look for my cheques, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don’t accidentally knock it over.
I realize the Coke is getting warm and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye–they need to be watered.
I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I have been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I’m going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water, andsuddenly I spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I’ll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the
spill, then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
the driveway is flooded,
the car isn’t washed,
the bills aren’t paid,
there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter,
there is still only one cheque in my cheque book,
I can’t find the remote,
I can’t find my glasses,
and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I’m really baffled, because I know I was busy all day long, and I’m really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem, and I’ll try to get some help for it, but first I’ll check my e-mail.
|
Do me a favor, will you? Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don’t remember who I have sent it to.
And don’t laugh — if this isn’t you yet ……… your day is coming!
That’s actually some pretty funny spam you got there Sandra…
And put me down for one book. I think it’s safe to say that most any fan of Howard’s is a fan of yours…
It is such a knife’s edge we women walk.
If we are doing and giving for the family we are good mothers and wives.
If we are doing and giving for ourselves we feel selfish and guilty.
Yet, we must do for ourselves and be ourselves as well as being Mommy and Wife and doing for everyone else.
Such a difficult “happy medium” to find…
Good Luck.