When I was in school I always cringed when a teacher handed out an assignment that required working in groups. There are a few exceptions to this, but I still frequently feel that way when I’ve got a group project. I just figured out why. The needs of the project often conflict with the social needs of the group.
I am a project oriented person. I very quickly get a handle on a new project and have a clear picture of how things need to proceed to make the project a success. If I am in a position of control or leadership, I can just start handing out assignments to make sure that the project gets done right. That is one of the situations where I can enjoy a group project. Alternately I can enjoy group projects when I am very clearly not in charge and the project is being handled well. Then I am content to fulfill the smaller assignments. But sometimes I am not clearly in charge and the project is being mishandled. Then I have to weigh my need to not damage the social relationships within the group with my need to see the project done well.
When I was in school the issue was to not alienate my peers by seeming too smart or too controlling. Also I needed to not alienate my peers by leaning on them too hard to get their parts of the project done. It was a tricky balance at best. As I’ve grown the social relationships have grown a little more subtle, but the essense is the same. The more important the project, and the more important the relationships, then the higher my stress levels will be.
I almost always choose maintaining relationships over completion of projects.
Redoing this because the quote option doesn’t work like I want it to.
I am a project oriented person. I very quickly get a handle on a new project and have a clear picture of how things need to proceed to make the project a success. If I am in a position of control or leadership, I can just start handing out assignments to make sure that the project gets done right. That is one of the situations where I can enjoy a group project. Alternately I can enjoy group projects when I am very clearly not in charge and the project is being handled well. Then I am content to fulfill the smaller assignments. But sometimes I am not clearly in charge and the project is being mishandled. Then I have to weigh my need to not damage the social relationships within the group with my need to see the project done well.
I have a tendency to take over a project that isn’t being done well before anyone, including myself, realizes what is going on. I just start doing to what needs to be done and the next thing I know, my suggestions to everyone get done. I’m not saying that it’s the way it should be handled, because I’m still not exactly sure how I do it.
However, in general, I don’t like group projects any more than you do. But I usually go the other direction and put the project before the relationships. I can sometimes smooth things over, but not always. I do try to get input for my decisions, which keeps most people content, even though I still make the final decision.
When I was in school, I liked it when I could just do something small and let everyone else battle it out. I was taken out of honor English in eighth grade because of my behind the scenes philosophy. I disagree with the decision, because I hadn’t really sat back in that group. I was partnered with two pairs of best friends and decided that instead of adding a third idea into the mix and fighting the other four, I’d create a compromise between the two ideas they had. It actually came out great, but she docked me because she expected me to take control. She never said I was supposed to be the one in charge. She told me it was because she knew I was creative and had a lot of good ideas, I should have put forth an idea of my own.
I would do the same thing again if in a similar position. I still think I was right in my decision. I guess what I took from the experience was no matter what I did to make everyone happy with a project, someone would find fault with it.
Yep!
I know that because my parents were sort of hands off, I felt the need to take charge? (perhaps taught by experience to take charge?)
Therefore, in general:
If things seem to not be working out, people standing around NOT making a decision etc. I will whip out an idea that will make it work, get people moving etc. And most of the time people will listen and snap to.
Being in charge, bossy, controlling is my fall back comfort zone.
…and if things seem like they are out of control and MIGHT not work out I can have stress or even panic attacks. (and then try to take charge somehow)
I’m in a very difficult calling for me and not because of what I have to do. Enrichment Leader. I’m starting to think that I am just a committee member with a nice title.
The Enrichment Councilor IS in charge, the committee helps with ideas.
BUT, where do I come in? What is my responsibility?
I try my hardest to put in my ideas and shape and move other’s ideas in a good direction… and it seems to work out. But, I feel lost. Why do I need the title? Why can’t I just be a committee member? Then I would know my place.
Well, at least I know about my controlling tendencies and can take deep breaths and NOT control if I need to…
and KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE!!!!
Once again, you’ve pinpointed why I feel the way I do about something.