To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1
I can not do everything all at once, no matter how much I might like to. I only have space for two or three large things in my life at one time. Howard and the kids always get first priority. Housekeeping, Schlock work, and writing rotate through the large slots I have left. Other smaller things fit into the gaps between the big ones. Lately, it has been all I could do to get the Schlock work done while still meeting the emotional/physical needs of my family. I can’t berate myself for this because I was honestly working at capacity. But I am left with stories I haven’t touched in three weeks and a house in dire need of organization.
I’ve always worked under the theory that if I put the most important things first, then I’ll be satisfied with myself. I believe this to be true. But how do I decide what is most important? How do I decide if it is the right season for a particular pursuit? And what if the thing I want the most, is less important than the other things?
Howard and the kids come first. Always. If they need me everything else gets dropped.
The work I do on the Schlock books is critical. The books would not get mailed if I did not handle it. This most recent book would not exist at all if I had not stepped in to do some of the layout work. For the next book I’ll be doing all of the layout work. Since the books pay our bills, this work is really important. Usually there are gaps in the busy times for book work, but we need to put out the next book fast. We’re hoping to have it out in February. This means that for the next several months I’ll be working on schlock stuff daily. I enjoy working on Schlock. I love being able to make a tangible contribution to maintaining this lifestyle that we love. But all the work on Schlock books necessarily displaces other things and for the next few months it is high priority.
Housework seems like it can be neglected, that it doesn’t have to be a high priority. Unfortunately neglecting the housework quickly results in chaos. When our house is a mess we are all more cranky and less able to do other things. Keeping the house clean enables everything else and so I have to get it done. What I haven’t been doing well, is leveraging the kids against this task. This isn’t just my job, this belongs to us all. I just need to figure out how to get them to help with a minimum energy expenditure from me.
In the end, this post is really about the lack of writing in my life lately. I’ve been blogging, but not writing fiction. I haven’t been writing because when I look logically at the things which I need to do, writing gets pushed so low on the importance scale that there is no time left for it. After all, my writing does not contribute to the running of the household. In fact usually the writing is done at the expense of something else which does directly contribute. I have so many things in my life, that logic tells me I should put the writing on hold for awhile longer. It can wait. …Only I don’t want it to wait. It is the one thing in my life that is truly mine. My writing is not important to the household, but it is important to me. It grieves me to see it languish.
As a member of the household, my dreams and goals and aspirations should have importance. As the household manager I know that my things are the easiest to interrupt or put on hold. My desire to write is constantly weighed against the needs of Howard and the kids. (They always come first, remember.) So when I have a space of time, I have to decide whether dishes or writing is more important. I am going to have few spaces in the next 6 months. I wonder if I will get any writing done at all. I want to. I want to send my words out where they can affect the lives of others. But I am left wondering how my words can possibly be good enough to do that, when they are consistently labelled as less important than doing the dishes.
(Note: All the devaluation of my writing is happening inside my own head. Howard and the kids all believe in it and support it fully.)
For every thing there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven.
Am I trying to make it the season for me to be an author when it is not so? Is writing fiction even the correct use for the gifts I have been given? I’ve been given so much. The only way to repay that, is to do what I can to make the world a better place. Am I going about it the way that I should be? Or perhaps I’m all at sea because I am supposed to be writing and I haven’t been. I like that answer. I want that one to be true. But I am cautious to accept it, precisely because my longing for it to be true is so strong.
Times and Seasons
Ebbs and Flows
I’ve had fallow months before, times when I did not write. Usually they are followed by a burst of creative energy where the writing pushes other things aside. I think I’m about due for that. Then all this fretting will be for naught.
Oh my word do I identify with this post Sandra! It’s so hard to put off your writing for “later” and not be certain that you’ll ever really get to it. But then again, we chose the life we’re living, kids and all. Even if it means the only talent we’re fully developing is how to live with disappointment. Did you ever get a chance to read my blog post/sermon on the Parable of the Talents? I’m not sure that it resolved the issue, but I did wrestle with some of the same things you’re talking about here. I hope you get that creative burst soon (and some spare time to do something with it).
Julie
Perhaps you might consider adjusting your view of your “first priority” from “Howard and the kids come first. Always.” to “Howard, the kids, and myself come first. Always.”.
One of the “Seven Habits” (by Covey) is “Sharpen the Saw”, which in your case may mean that having some space in your life cordoned off for writing is what you need. It probably doesn’t have to be a big chunk of time, but perhaps one weekday morning when the kids are at school you could have an hour on your schedule that is specifically writing time. That way you would have a time to look forward to on a regular basis for that part of your life, while it wouldn’t push on the other parts of your life too much.
I’m curious — do you want to *be writing*, or do you want to *have written*? I find that I’m always happy to have written something, but not always happy to be writing. I haven’t been working on my fiction this year because I haven’t felt much desire to be writing it.
Which makes me a little sad, because I’d like to have written more.
Exactly
Just like you say that it seems like housework can be lowered on the priority list, but it turns out that it only makes things worse, can you afford *not* to write? If you end up feeling a little bit unfulfilled because you haven’t been writing, you will not be as effective at all the other things you care about. As Fred says, even an hour, or a half-hour, a week may be enough. Something to look forward to and keep your skills sharp.
-Bruce
Every person should have room for one passion. Perhaps the trick is finding the small pieces of time to do it in. Sandra, you should evaluate how much block of time you need for writing. Will an half an hour, an hour, two or three hours once a week or twice a week be enough? Then you have to decide if that time can fit into your life right now. Everyone should have something that is their own project or work. The trick is deciding which project or work can fit into your life at that time. I chose pencil drawing because I can anyways pick in up for couple of minutes or for hour or two. It is flexible that way. It’s a thing I love to do that fits into my life right now. You’ll find your way and what fits. Just make sure, whoever the answer with writing is, that you make room for at least one thing you love to do.
dstrohl
I may be odd (wo)man out here, but I feel compelled to present my viewpoint precisely because it is counter to the views of so many. I personally don’t like to schedule time for my pleasurable “just for me” pursuits, but simply engage in them when the inspiration strikes. Your family is certainly supportive enough of your interests that with a few reminders and perhaps some cajoling on the adults part they will grant you your hard-earned time off. (You’re also sensitive enough to their needs to not abuse the privilege — there are just times when you simply need to come first. It’s not selfish — it’s self-preservation!)
My reason for not setting aside time for my activities is that once something hits my schedule or to do list, a subtle distinction occurs at the fringe of my conscious mind and the activity shifts from being an enjoyable indulgence to another commitment that must be met and crossed off the to do list. My focus then (almost imperceptibly) targets an end product (even if that product is receiving a full-body massage) thus lessening my ability to simply let the process unfold and enjoy the ride. It seems to me that inspiration always seems to strike when one is engaging in an activity for the sheer joy of it.
Finding a Balance
I am at a different place in my life. My children are grown. I am retired. I supposedly have time for all the things I didn’t have time for while I was actively involved in raising 7 children. I still struggle to find the time for me. And to balance my needs with the needs of my husband, mother-in-law (who lives with us about 8 months of the year and needs help at her home during part of the other 4), grown children, housekeeping, cooking, etc. I do have to admit that the balance has shifted slightly and I have more time for writing, storytelling and art than I used to. I am glad that I found time in the past to do some writing and storytelling. There is a wistful part of me that wishes I had kept a better journal and wrote down some of the stories that I had ideas for that have now flitted away unwritten. I do have a collection of story ideas that I did jot down that can be retrieved to see if they are still worth writing.
Sandra, I admire you greatly for your priorities and values. I see a great love for your husband and children. You know your own self-worth. I have confidence that you will find the balance that is right for you at this time in your life.