I’ve been cold all day. It seeps into my bones and my mood. Right now I should be cooking dinner. Instead I’m sitting here at my computer feeling the weight of the cookies I impulsively made and ate. Yesterday I was full of happy thoughts and admiration for my children. I saw them for the amazing people they are. I was inspired to laugh and play with them, to tell them that they are wonderful. Today I just want to be left alone. I keep trying to wrap a bubble of solitude around myself. But they keep piercing it with their sharp requests. Pop!
The weight of the things that I expect myself to accomplish presses upon me. I could get squashed by that burden. I need to lighten the load. It isn’t that I need fewer things to do. I can do all the necessary things. It is the weight of those expectations that crushes me. It is the weight of the self-disaproval which I heap unpon my own shoulders on the days when I just muddle through rather than exceeding epectations. I’ve set the bar pretty high and I can be very mean to myself when I don’t clear it.
I did pretty well today. I just ran out of steam too soon. I came home from the creative writing class and retreated inward. I’m hoping to find a resurgence of energy and enthusiasm for the rest of the evening. I’d like to enjoy putting my kids to bed rather than shoving them into bed as fast as possible just to get it over with.
“I’d like to enjoy putting my kids to bed rather than shoving them into bed as fast as possible just to get it over with.”
I know exactly what you mean. My best cures to raced bedtimes: get enough sleep yourself, start bedtime early so it isn‘t rushed and give positive attention to each child.. Quick Marathon bedtimes are never well given or received.
Marathoned bedtimes
And quick bedtimes often don’t end up being quick because it takes so much time and energy to deal with the little individuals who feel abandoned. And more crisis arise when everyone is rushed and tired.