If you ever have to go do a fretful medical thing, I highly recommend taking a professional humorist along. It makes things so much more fun. Fortunately I had one handy, so I hauled Howard with me to go get my heart monitor.
In the car on the way down:
Sandra: “I can just pretend we’re driving together in the car for no particular reason.”
Howard: “Is that this morning’s quota for denial?”
S: “De Nile is my friend. It has fish in it.” Short pause for thought “And mud. It has fish and mud.”
H: “And crocodiles.”
S: “But they’re okay cause I just pretend they are my friends.”
The heart monitor has seven wires attached to sticky patches. The wires connect to a little box the size of a deck of cards. It is optimally designed to read the electrical impulses of a heartbeat without being overtly annoying. It is not designed to be discreet. It is all lumpy under my clothes. So I’ll be wearing stuff baggy for the next 24 hours. I’ll also apparently be keeping a journal of anything which might affect my heart rate. Things like eating, exercising, being upset, etc. The monitor also has a little blue button on it. I am supposed to push the button if I think a heart event of any note is taking place. This puts a little marker on the recording. So far I’ve yet to use the blue button. As much as I don’t like my heart going flippity-flop, I want it do demonstrate the capability at least once today.
After getting me wired, Howard and I went shopping together. The stores were not very exciting (Office Max, Sam’s Club, Robert’s Crafts, and a storage unit) but it was fun to be there with Howard. I like hanging out with him and exchanging whimsical comments. Things like seeing a whole roll of raffle tickets for sale and suggesting we should buy them because then we would totally win the prize.
On the trip home we amused ourselves by reviewing the heart monitor instructions. One entire paper was devoted to assuring nervous heart patients that while these tests take several days to process, if there is something to truly be concerned about, it will be addressed quickly. Only they didn’t say “quickly” or “urgently” or even “In an emergency fashion.” Instead they said “emergently.” I think they were trying to express emergency and urgently in the same word, but I’m not sure.
Howard then spent the rest of the drive finding creative uses for the word “emergently.” He demonstrated merging gently. He demonstrated emerging into an intersection gently. There was at least one more, but I forget what it was.
I love Howard. He can make me laugh even when I’m going to one of my least favorite places in the world. The heart monitor was handed out at the same hospital which did my radiation therapy. It is also the same hospital where Howard stayed for when he had myocarditis. The care and people there are excellent, it just is not a happy place for me. But Howard makes me laugh and asks cheerfully if I’ve gotten to push my blue button yet.
I do not know what I’d do with out him.
I’m slightly amused that your denial has denial in it… 🙂
Maybe they just mean that based off of a simple set of rules and the data they collect, complex prediction behaviors will appear? Or they have a giant cellular automation that they use to read the data. Someone handed their programmers the Turing machine pattern for the game of life.
I am so tempted to send you one of the journal articles I had to review for class today. Only I am not sure if my intentions would be because I think you might enjoy it or because I am feeling particularly evil after writing my review on it.
A paper on emergence theory? Or something else?
The article was on the nomenclature used in Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR) and how the language and definitions create an artificial environment in regards to research.
Actually, that’s the whole idea of “emergent.” It is an adjective supposed to describe an urgent situation in which something is transitioning and action needs to be taken. Emergent(adj.)/emergency(n.)/emerge(v.)
Glad to hear that you’re getting this looked at!
Good thing our lives are not novels.
When I read, “I do not know what I’d do with out him.” My first thought was, Oh no, she said it, now Howard will have a terrible traffic accident driving somewhere and the story will suddenly shift to one of the brave woman coping with this horrible twist of fate, and either coping and coming out all right, or alternatively being crushed under the load of tragedy.
Yes, it is a good thing life is not a novel and we can say things like, “I do not know what I’d do with out him,” and not immediately have something bad happen. I think I must have been in writer mode too much lately.
Humor
Hmmm.. . . . It seems to me that Howard has some help in the humor department. That’s why you two are so good for each other!
roster007
Does this mean you get to be a Cyborg for a whole day? : )
I love emergently. What a useful new word. Thanks for sharing it. Now I just have to figure out how I can incorporate it into a few sentences today before I forget it.
What do your kids think of your new personal appliance? Is it a cool thing or a scary thing?
Julie
Ah, I remember my 24 hours on heart monitor. Good times.
I had it for the same reason, too. Here’s hoping you turn out to be overreacting as much as I was. 🙂
I love you and Howard. You’re so cute together! Makes me happy to hear about it.