Perspective Shift

I feel as if my life has changed since November first. I am happy and relaxed in ways that I haven’t been for months. But when I really examine what I do in a given day, nothing has changed. I still get up and get kids to school and work hard on business things and work hard on household things and manage tantrums and handle bedtimes. The difference is in how I am perceiving my daily tasks. Instead of viewing my tasks as things I have to do, I am remembering why I put them on my task list in the first place. I’m remembering why I want them done.

The entire month of October “Mow Lawn” was on my task list. It was a thing I needed to do. It lurked there. Every time I had to move it to the next day’s list, the task would whisper “failure” at me. Wednesday I mowed the lawn, not because I had to in order to avoid feeling like a failure, but because I remembered how much more I enjoy my yard when the lawn is neat. I’ve noticed the messy kitchen and realized that I want the kitchen to be clean, so I made it that way. I helped the kids with their homework because I want them to grow up educated and because I like to spend time with them. I worked really hard on business things because I want more empty spaces in my schedule next week.

For the past week I’ve spent all day, every day, doing only things that I want to do. Amazingly they are exactly the same things that I had to do the week before. I want to keep doing things this way because I am happier and because I’ve promised myself a frivolous sewing project if I can get all the book and shipping work done on schedule.

I’ve been beating myself with a stick to make me move faster when I should have been using carrots instead.