Aftermath

I feel like I haven’t had a break since LTUE three weeks ago. I got sick for a week. Then the whole mess with the Hold Horses images threw me for an emotional tailspin that lasted for another week. Both of those things interfered with my ability to get anything else done. Then last week I spent all of my non-mommy moments sorting invoices, printing labels, printing postage, emailing customers, folding shirts, packing shirts, and mailing packages. It turns out that folding and shipping 500 t-shirts is not a one person job unless that person enjoys being too tired to see straight for three days in a row.

During the midst of the shirt shipping came the joyous news that my next door neighbor friend had her baby. The very next day we learned that an across the cul de sac neighbor friend died suddenly leaving behind his daughter and two grand daughters. I spent all day Sunday drifting, unable to settle, too tired to focus. I’ve only begun to sort through the emotional repercussions. Birth and death and sickness and stress, the sorting is still incomplete because this morning I had to put myself in gear and be super-effective.

The effectiveness worked. I plowed right through the huge pile of accumulated emails and tasks that always accumulate in the wake of a big shipping. I sorted through all the accumulated piles on my desk. Now my desk is clean. I pulled out the thick two-week’s accumulation of receipts and bills so that I could do the accounting. I finished the accounting all the way down to reconciling all the accounts. I got a lot done. Then I washed up upon the shores of late afternoon with nothing left in me. I decided I’d earned a break and so allowed myself a couple of hours doing whatever my whims dictated. Mostly my whims dictated wandering around aimlessly, but there were a couple conversations with neighbors as well. Emotionally it was what I needed, but it left me unprepared for dinner and family home evening. We muddled through, but I’ve arrived at my blogging hour exhausted. Again.

I am doing too much. If I continue at this pace I will run myself into the ground. Fortunately the pace of the last few weeks is not what is planned for the next few weeks. The slow down is already in process. I’ve still got projects to finish, but I’ve stopped accumulating new things. It will take a few weeks for me to work my way down to a pace I can maintain, but I can see it up ahead.

As for this week, I need to try to wind myself down. I need to create enough spaces that I can sort all the emotions that I’ve packed away into the corners of my brain so that I won’t trip on them while I’m getting stuff done. I have one more big task for this week, laying in the new Hold Horses images. I’ll do it tomorrow and then the rest of the week is little tasks. I’m going to get to go outside and garden. Gardening is perfect brain-sorting work.