My church relies heavily on volunteers, although “volunteer” may not actually be the completely correct term. People are asked to take on jobs as a service to others. These jobs are usually termed “callings” because people are called into the office and asked to take the assignment. The option to say no is always there, but there is some social pressure to say yes. I have always believed that these assignments are guided by inspiration and that I will be blessed for the service I give. I have lots of evidence for the second part, because I have been blessed in countless ways from the various church assignments I have undertaken. Over the years I have been a youth group leader, a compassionate service leader (casseroles for the sick), a primary teacher (teaching children at church), an enrichment committee member (organizing social/educational evenings for adult women), an activities committee member (organizing activities for the entire congregation), a relief society teacher (Sunday lessons for adult women), and a cub scout leader.
My assignment for the past 18 months has been as a primary teacher. The first half of that time was teaching 10 year olds. The second half has been teaching 5 year olds. The five year old class has been a challenge and a joy. There are several kids in the class who are highly active and creative people. They don’t tolerate boredom well and will thus resort to spitting, loud noises, and wandering around the room in order to not be bored. My job has been to corral those restless minds and bodies, try to bring them back to what the group is doing, or at least to help them not be bored in ways that don’t disrupt everyone else. It is a tiring job. There have been many Sundays when I was not feeling up to the task. I muddled through anyway because I knew that however hectic things got, it would be better for me being there. I really understand these kids. It is like I can see inside their brains and know how to help church be good for them. So I went every week, calm in the knowledge that I was giving a gift to these kids and to their mothers who can really use the break from them.
This week I was asked to take on a different assignment. I was asked to be the Activity Days Leader helping organize bi-weekly activities for girls ages 8 -11. My daughter Gleek is part of that group. (She is thrilled.) The request came as a surprise to me, because I could not imagine anyone wanting to disrupt this particular class. I expected to stay with the class through December. I half expected to be moved up with them in January. I was completely at peace with this despite missing any chance to listen to do any growing myself on Sundays. My (former) class will be taken by my backyard neighbor. This gives me peace of mind because she loves and understands these kids as well as I do or better. I have no qualms at all about handing the class over to her. And yet I’m still feel like I stepped of the bottom step only to discover that there was an additional stair I wasn’t expecting. I had so settled in my mind that it was my place to serve in Primary that the shift to doing something else feels off balance. I should be rejoicing. I’ll get to sit in an adult meeting and learn instead of holding a wriggling child who is likely to pull on my ear rings or blow raspberries in my face. I won’t have to coax children out from under chairs. I won’t come home from church with bruises on my shins because of little kicking legs that couldn’t quite hold still. And yet, I should be sad because I’ll no longer get to observe those amazing little people who seem to think at right angles to everyone else. I said yes to the new assignment. Today I taught my class for the last time. The kids made almost no reaction to the news of their new teacher. This is fine. I want them to have a smooth transition rather than a major trauma. I’ll still see them frequently at church.
This shift just feels a part of all the other things that are shifting in my life right now. I am shifting to a quieter, less stress-driven phase of life. After four months of constant high-gear I’m slowing down. It feels strange to have long stretches of day with nothing urgent to drive me forward. I still have plenty to do, but I don’t have to run fast to avert crisis. “Running fast to avert crisis” is a pretty apt description of that primary class. So I suppose the new assignment will fit right in with the general slowing down of my life. I must be careful not to fill up my schedule with things again. Or rather, I must put back the slow, soul-filling things that were ejected from my schedule during the crazy months.