Most of the day was pretty good. The 90 minutes between 4:30 and 6 pm were not. I spent most of the time furious for no good reason. My kids were no worse than they usually behave. But for some reason every single thing they did recieved a high volume scolding from me. The knowledge that I was behaving poorly fed into the behavior in a horrific negative feedback loop. When I feel like that I want my kids to cower in fear and do exactly as I say. They don’t, because they are fairly confident and secure individuals. Unfortunately their failure to cower only makes me get madder. Anger is not rational. Anger definitely doesn’t want to be fair or reasonable. Anger was definitely in control this evening.
I finally reached a point where the fury could not hold any longer and I found myself in tears appologizing to Howard for being mean to his kids. Like any good husband, Howard patted my back and told me it was all okay. What really broke me up though was when Patches came into the room, climbed into my lap, and gave me a long long snuggly hug. I’d made him dissolve into tears on the kitchen floor only minutes before and there he was loving me, reassuring me, and seeking reassurance from me. I held him and appologized to him and talked to him. How can he still like me and need me on days like this?
It would be nice if I could say that Patches hug turned everything around. The rest of the evening has been better, but I’m definitely still a grouchy mom instead of an empathetic and kind mom. Hopefully I can get them all into bed soon so that tomorrow can be a better day.
…
I just wanna say that if you’re a BAD mom, I want to know what it takes to be a GOOD one, because lady, When I get married and have kids, I hope my wife is HALF as good with our kids…
Especially since if they are ANYTHING like me, they will be lucky to survive to driving age…
Seriously… How MY parents found it in them to let me live through my teen years astounds me…
Mrs. Taylor, Thank you for all the work you do, both with the kids and with Howard. You are a large (very large) part of Schlock… Yeah, great, praise from fan-boy… But seriously… You get the kids to and from school, school stuff, church, church stuff, and everything else. You manage the finances of a pretty big household, and by golly you make it all work…
And you’re human. You have bag days now and then… Do you remember when your parents blew up at you? Because I’ll bet, I’ll wager, that they did… Even if just once, one parent or the other just LOST it…
*waves at Mrs. Taylor’s mother, and adopts a Jerry Lee Lewis voice* Hello nice lady, please no hurting with the hitting and the smackings and the hey laaaaaaaaadyyyyyyyy…
But I bet you barely remember it, if you do at all…
Because in the end, it just isn’t what we remember… We remember the love…
Well, ok, not with my dad, but that’s different…
I guess I’m just afraid you’re feeling like I wish my old man felt now and then.
I’m afraid of that because by golly, you shouldn’t…
Role Modeling
Losing your temper now and again is unavoidable. Unless you and Howard join forces to build some kind of cyborg to upload your consciousness into or something. You know, the sort of “positronic brain” with enough megahertz to think through the situation without all those pesky hormones we feeble humans use.
Feeling badly about times when you’ve fallen short of your best and moving on after that rough spot is the best approach, I think. It would be wrong to beat yourself up over imperfections.
While I haven’t adopted my horribly inauthentic Australian accent and played documentarian or anything, I’ve been pretty impressed by your problem-solving thus far, and taking mental notes from someone I consider a role model insofar as running a household with kids is concerned.
I won’t tell if you won’t (my mother is the jealous type).
And technically, that’s a positive feedback loop.
Seriously, I can’t count the number of times I’ve done this. It happens. Our purpose here is to always improve, not be perfect right off.
I don’t get angry every day… but sometimes it builds up and I explode.
(you’re not alone.)
I’ve started to learn that while you’re not supposed to lash out in anger (but, you just can’t help it, sometimes it just jumps right out of you at someone/everyone), it IS a good indicator that ALONE time is needed.
(mommy’s all deserve and NEED some alone time to decompress from the stresses of having to know everything 24/7 and be the police, etc.)
So, after I’ve scared myself and my family, I get to go to the yarn store by myself and just breathe and calm down and remember that I wanted to be a Mommy. Husband puts kids to bed and I get a quiet evening feeling bad that I blew up but knowing that tomorrow will be better.
And then the kids hug you and kiss you and say, I love you! and they feel bad for chasing you away from the house too. so tomorrow will be better because everyone will be trying their best to do better than yesterday. It only happens enough to remind kids how lucky they are to have a nice mommy 99% of the time. Everyone gets over it and we all try to do better.
It’s one of the Complicated Dances of Life.
(being angry and being mean are two different things.
A mean mommy is another story all together… {;)