A couple of days ago I went to the library. Among the books I brought home was The Mermaid Chair by Sue Monk Kidd. I picked it up on a whim because I’d heard of it somewhere before and because it has “mermaid” in the title. I began reading and I have to say that I am very impressed with the power of Ms. Kidd’s prose. She really knows how to create images. Unfortunately the image I was seeing framed was that of a woman with a wonderful life, a beautiful house, and an amazing husband who was disatisfied and didn’t know why. Judging from the cover flap this woman does not confront the “why” until she has torn her life apart with adultery. I didn’t want to read that kind of pain. I flipped to the last chapter where I discovered that she returns to her husband and they rebuild their life together. The protagonist makes clear that the love is different than before, but that she is better able to love because she is her own person rather than an annex of her husband. I can agree with that last bit, but there are so many better ways to find yourself than to damage everyone around you. Particularly when what you are destroying is part of how you want to redefine yourself.
I won’t be reading the middle section of The Mermaid Chair. The first chapter and the epilogue tell me enough story that I feel no need to slog through the painful middle.
I’ve always found it painful to read about adultery, too. It’s actually harder for me to read about a sympathetic protagonist getting cheated on (or doing the cheating, too!) than it is to read about one dying. I suspect this is largely due to the kicked-in-the-stomach feeling I had when I discovered (nearly a year after the relationship was over!) that my girlfriend (not the one you met, but one before that) had cheated on me.
I suspect you’re a lot like me in the way well-written books can feel real enough to impart real pain and discomfort from stories like that.
I’ve always found it painful to read about adultery, too. It’s actually harder for me to read about a sympathetic protagonist getting cheated on (or doing the cheating, too!) than it is to read about one dying. I suspect this is largely due to the kicked-in-the-stomach feeling I had when I discovered (nearly a year after the relationship was over!) that my girlfriend (not the one you met, but one before that) had cheated on me.
I suspect you’re a lot like me in the way well-written books can feel real enough to impart real pain and discomfort from stories like that.
I know that her *FIRST* book has moved a number of women of my casual acquaintace to tears because “it’s so wonderfully sad.”
I do believe that I will never understand the opposite sex, and mostly because of that. The only time that I equate joy and suffering is really schadenfreude, and that’s much more smug then sad with the person.
I know that her *FIRST* book has moved a number of women of my casual acquaintace to tears because “it’s so wonderfully sad.”
I do believe that I will never understand the opposite sex, and mostly because of that. The only time that I equate joy and suffering is really schadenfreude, and that’s much more smug then sad with the person.
I don’t like books or movies that make me cry. Either it is a shallow manipulation of emotions and I’m angry that I’ve been manipulated to tears, or it is truly powerful and painful. I like my entertainment happy not sad. Life has enough sadness and pain in it. I don’t feel a need to deliberately seek out more.
I don’t like books or movies that make me cry. Either it is a shallow manipulation of emotions and I’m angry that I’ve been manipulated to tears, or it is truly powerful and painful. I like my entertainment happy not sad. Life has enough sadness and pain in it. I don’t feel a need to deliberately seek out more.
It makes perfect sense to feel more pain at reading about adultery than at reading about dying. Dying is usually not something the characters can control. Adultery is always a choice which means the person is choosing the betrayal of trust and the resultant damage to everyone else. I have a hard time thinking of anything more selfish.
It makes perfect sense to feel more pain at reading about adultery than at reading about dying. Dying is usually not something the characters can control. Adultery is always a choice which means the person is choosing the betrayal of trust and the resultant damage to everyone else. I have a hard time thinking of anything more selfish.
I have a continuing discussion with a female coworker of mine re: crying. Neither of us agree that the others frequency of cyring is the most sane (both of us agree that we’re probably too far on the edges of ‘healthy’, but..)
I tend to seek out entertainment that is fluffy and humerous (a la schlock), but also don’t always read for entertainment. I read because sometimes the only way that I can feel certain emotions, sadness and “hot” anger, is to live them vicariously through the characters, and without being able to have those emotions flow through me, I slowly become someone I don’t much like.
I have a continuing discussion with a female coworker of mine re: crying. Neither of us agree that the others frequency of cyring is the most sane (both of us agree that we’re probably too far on the edges of ‘healthy’, but..)
I tend to seek out entertainment that is fluffy and humerous (a la schlock), but also don’t always read for entertainment. I read because sometimes the only way that I can feel certain emotions, sadness and “hot” anger, is to live them vicariously through the characters, and without being able to have those emotions flow through me, I slowly become someone I don’t much like.
Interesting. It sounds to me like you’ve found a wonderfully healthy way to stabilize yourself.
Interesting. It sounds to me like you’ve found a wonderfully healthy way to stabilize yourself.
I like upbeat or action entertainment (or really cool mind blowing concepts like Larry Niven’s Ring World). There’s so many real stories in the world that can bring me down, why go looking for artificial saddness?
I like upbeat or action entertainment (or really cool mind blowing concepts like Larry Niven’s Ring World). There’s so many real stories in the world that can bring me down, why go looking for artificial saddness?
Yeah, you’re right. There’s a lot more emotional pain in something like that, and so a well-written story will convey that pain strongly. As far as “more selfish” goes, about the only other thing I can come up with is rape, inasmuch as it’s basically the ultimate dehumanizing of another person for one’s own desires or impulses… and that still only has the same element of betrayal when it’s perpetrated by someone the victim trusted.
…Yeah, I think I’m done talking about this. I think the depiction of human pain is important, but it’s certainly not pleasant by any means, particularly when done well.
Yeah, you’re right. There’s a lot more emotional pain in something like that, and so a well-written story will convey that pain strongly. As far as “more selfish” goes, about the only other thing I can come up with is rape, inasmuch as it’s basically the ultimate dehumanizing of another person for one’s own desires or impulses… and that still only has the same element of betrayal when it’s perpetrated by someone the victim trusted.
…Yeah, I think I’m done talking about this. I think the depiction of human pain is important, but it’s certainly not pleasant by any means, particularly when done well.
That’s pretty much my take on entertainment. I want entertainment to make me happy. If I want to be depressed or saddened, I’ll go turn on the news.
Ever seen Grave of the Fireflies? It’s the story of a couple of children in Japan after the end of WWII. Put simply, it’s filled with gut-wrenching sadness. I think it’s an important movie, and I’m glad to have seen it, but note the past tense there – I never want to see it again.
That’s pretty much my take on entertainment. I want entertainment to make me happy. If I want to be depressed or saddened, I’ll go turn on the news.
Ever seen Grave of the Fireflies? It’s the story of a couple of children in Japan after the end of WWII. Put simply, it’s filled with gut-wrenching sadness. I think it’s an important movie, and I’m glad to have seen it, but note the past tense there – I never want to see it again.
My sister-in-law choose prescription drug abuse over her husband (my brother), her 6 year old and her brand new baby. This was her last chance, she’s going to prison. How selfish is that?
The cops who saw which prescriptions she had in her purse said she was lucky to be alive…I almost wish she would’ve died. Easier to cope with death than have to explain to children that “Mommy went away, because she chose drugs over being with you” , and they won’t see her until they are teenagers and maybe not even then.
Sigh.
Selfish people send ripples of pain out to everyone around them.
My sister-in-law choose prescription drug abuse over her husband (my brother), her 6 year old and her brand new baby. This was her last chance, she’s going to prison. How selfish is that?
The cops who saw which prescriptions she had in her purse said she was lucky to be alive…I almost wish she would’ve died. Easier to cope with death than have to explain to children that “Mommy went away, because she chose drugs over being with you” , and they won’t see her until they are teenagers and maybe not even then.
Sigh.
Selfish people send ripples of pain out to everyone around them.
I may be in an open relationship, I still hate adultery as a theme in stories. I may pity the perpetrators, but it’s hard to respect them. It’s a betrayal of trust. I find it especially difficult even to sympathise with contemporary characters who commit adultery. It’s much easier to see the problems of, say, Lancelot and Guienevere, as intractable than to look at a modern American couple and think their problems are impossible to resolve honorably.
I may be in an open relationship, I still hate adultery as a theme in stories. I may pity the perpetrators, but it’s hard to respect them. It’s a betrayal of trust. I find it especially difficult even to sympathise with contemporary characters who commit adultery. It’s much easier to see the problems of, say, Lancelot and Guienevere, as intractable than to look at a modern American couple and think their problems are impossible to resolve honorably.
Exactly. If a relationship has problems, discuss them. If the problems are insoluable, end the relationship. Breaking the agreed upon rules of the relationship without telling the other person is selfish, no matter what the rationalization behind it.
Exactly. If a relationship has problems, discuss them. If the problems are insoluable, end the relationship. Breaking the agreed upon rules of the relationship without telling the other person is selfish, no matter what the rationalization behind it.