I read a story today about a man who gave a donkey to his friend. He assured the friend that the donkey was very well behaved, he only had to whisper in the donkey’s ear and it would do what it was asked. The friend took the donkey for two days and then brought it back. He couldn’t get it to do anything. The man offered to show the friend how it was done. He took a wooden stick and whacked the donkey on the nose, then whispered in it’s ear.
“I thought you said all I had to do was whisper.” Said the friend.
“Well, yeah, but first you have to get it’s attention.”
I’m feeling great affinity for that story after managing Gleek today. She is a wonderful, sweet little girl. I can ask her to do things and she will do them gladly. But often I have to metaphorically whack her on the nose to get her attention first. Sometimes that means a major confrontation in which I have to find the right lever to apply. I don’t have as many levers as I would like because she is so happy go lucky about almost everything.
I have been having a terrible time getting her to bed lately. I’ll tuck her into bed. She’ll object about my departure. Then all will be silent for an hour. I’ll send Kiki to bed only to discover that Gleek is not asleep at all. Gleek is wide awake playing in her bed. That is a major problem because shutting those two into a room together is a recipe for a fight. I need a way to make Gleek stop keeping herself awake. If she lies still for 5 minutes she is out like a light. I have scowled. I have scolded. I have confiscated her lamp. I have confiscated toys. I have given detailed instructions about what she should do, which she ignored. She was willing to live with all of that. Each night she claimed to be sorry, and she probably was, but not sorry enough to remember it the next night. Tonight I warned her and then confiscated her security blanket. She imediately let forth a litany of “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.”
I let her feel upset for awhile until she started saying things like “everyone badons [abandons] me. Now even my family badons me.” People believe the stories they tell themselves. Gleek was telling a story about being a victim. I couldn’t let that continue. I went in and talked to her about choices and consequences. And how “I’m sorry” doesn’t mean anything unless you stop doing the thing you are appologizing for. She listened and I think she finally heard. She met my eyes and promised never to break the bedtime rules again. I believed in her sincerity and returned her blankets.
Hopefully she will remember this tomorrow night and she will stop pushing the limits in this direction. It is too much to hope for that she’ll stop pushing limits completely. I figure I’ve got another couple of months before this pushing phase is past for awhile.
That is exactly what Emily does.
I’ve talked to her about the true nature of apologies so many times I can’t count it but it hasn’t taken… hopefully Gleek will be different. (It was really weird to read in your journal the same thing I say to Emily almost every day!)
That is exactly what Emily does.
I’ve talked to her about the true nature of apologies so many times I can’t count it but it hasn’t taken… hopefully Gleek will be different. (It was really weird to read in your journal the same thing I say to Emily almost every day!)
Same here. Miriam (5 years old) has been just a handful this summer, concerning bed time. Last night, we had an hour of I can’t sleep and My brain is keeping me awake. Sigh. When I finally went to bed, an hour after I needed to, I peaked in and she was asleep, apparently mid-motion playing with a stuffed animal.
Same here. Miriam (5 years old) has been just a handful this summer, concerning bed time. Last night, we had an hour of I can’t sleep and My brain is keeping me awake. Sigh. When I finally went to bed, an hour after I needed to, I peaked in and she was asleep, apparently mid-motion playing with a stuffed animal.
Last night 4 1/2 yr old SoccerGirl was in trouble and we said that if she didn’t do what we said she wouldn’t get dessert!
Her response?
“Yaaayyyy! I didn’t want dessert!”
?????
How are you suppose to punish someone who doesn’t want dessert?
🙂
We are also talking about sorry and not doing it again to prove you’re sorry. No dessert didn’t work, but, her owing me a penny evey time she does it MIGHT work. I said it out of frustration… Then, you owe me a penny! And a few minutes later she brought me a dime and said sorry. And I said that if she didn’t do it the next night I would give it back to her. If she didn’t do it the next night, I would give her a penny.
We’ll see what happens. I’m hoping I owe her lots of pennies.
Last night 4 1/2 yr old SoccerGirl was in trouble and we said that if she didn’t do what we said she wouldn’t get dessert!
Her response?
“Yaaayyyy! I didn’t want dessert!”
?????
How are you suppose to punish someone who doesn’t want dessert?
🙂
We are also talking about sorry and not doing it again to prove you’re sorry. No dessert didn’t work, but, her owing me a penny evey time she does it MIGHT work. I said it out of frustration… Then, you owe me a penny! And a few minutes later she brought me a dime and said sorry. And I said that if she didn’t do it the next night I would give it back to her. If she didn’t do it the next night, I would give her a penny.
We’ll see what happens. I’m hoping I owe her lots of pennies.
Don’t know if this is helpful, but Gleek and Alex seem to share some personality traits, so I thought I’d share.
Alex has a tendency to claim that he “won’t do it, not anymore” [where ‘it’ might be anything from spitting his milk on the floor to hitting his sister] and then repeating the behavior at the first opportunity. I’ve taken to looking him in the eyes and saying “Alex, you said you were going to stop. I expect you to always do what you say you will do. That’s called keeping your word.”
It doesn’t always work, but it’s more effective than anything else I’ve tried.
Don’t know if this is helpful, but Gleek and Alex seem to share some personality traits, so I thought I’d share.
Alex has a tendency to claim that he “won’t do it, not anymore” [where ‘it’ might be anything from spitting his milk on the floor to hitting his sister] and then repeating the behavior at the first opportunity. I’ve taken to looking him in the eyes and saying “Alex, you said you were going to stop. I expect you to always do what you say you will do. That’s called keeping your word.”
It doesn’t always work, but it’s more effective than anything else I’ve tried.