Sandra Tayler

I spent this evening at the park practicing counting to 7. One, Two, Three, Four, (my kids) Five, Six, Seven (my brother’s kids whom I’m watching for the next 3 days.) The counting was made additionally interesting by the fact that the seven kids in my care were mixed in with 14 children from Howard’s extended family who also happen to be in town for a visit. The little playground was full of children and I knew most of them by name. That didn’t change the fact that I had to keep counting to make sure that one hadn’t gone missing. Sometimes I varied the counting by clustering One, Two, Three large boys, Kiki, and One, Two, Three little ones. Seven again. No matter how I broke up the counting Seven is still a lot of kids to keep track of and feed and put to bed.

Having that many kids in the house forces some changes in how I run our household. Since food must be pre-planned and mass produced I don’t have a whole lot of patience with special orders or finicky eating. I handed out plastic cups, wrote names on them, and informed the kids that they were to re-use their cups so that I wasn’t washing every glass in the house hourly. They out number me greatly and so I have to make them work or we’ll spend all of every day knee deep in stuff. With that many bodies running around, the living spaces have to be clear.

Most of these changes are just amplifications of things I already try to do. I actually like the fact that the kids have to co-operate and work to make family a good place to be. Large families can’t afford prima donnas for very long. Everyone has to pull together or the family crashes and burns. When a large family crashes and burns the shrapnel goes everywhere. I’ve witnessed that before and it was truly painful to watch. Small families have to pull together too, but the internal dynamic is different.

So this week I get to pretend I have a truly large family. Next week I’ll be really glad to go back to just my own medium largish family.

The summer schedule seems to be working so far, although the day has seemed really long and the accounting took forever to get done. The success of potty training has been less measurable. Patches sat on the potty 3 times and peed his pants twice. Ive decided to take this slowly. I’m less focused and less patient in the afternoons, so we’ve put him back in pull-ups with the understanding that we’ll try underpants again tomorrow. Mostly Patches needs to build his sensory awareness. He pays no attention to his body’s elimination signals. Hopefully we’ll gradually build that awareness because he’s got most of the other skills he needs. Patches was relieved to put the pull-ups back on. I don’t think I’ll have to battle to put underpants back on tomorrow. I hope not. I don’t want potty training to become a battleground.

I walked downstairs to find the source of the giggling. Since I was in a house with 12 children under 12 it wasn’t too hard to guess that some sort of romp was going on. In this case the romp was centered around a foam-filled bean bag chair. Patches and his cousin had discovered that if they sat on one side and Howard flopped on the other side, then two little boys would fly into the air giggling. Just as I arrived downstairs the game changed shape. There were a four little girls ages 3-5 who didn’t want to be left out of the fun. Unfortunately this population increase left no room on the bean bag for Howard to flop without squashing a small someone. When Uncle Howard failed to flop, one little girl decided to make him. She began shoving his legs. Howard responded by grabbing her and tossing her onto the bean bag. Instantly Howard was mobbed by a swarm of 6 munchkins all grabbing his legs and awaiting their turn to be thrown. I wish I’d had a camera because it really was like something out of Gulliver’s Travels. Howard was trapped, because for every child he tossed at least two more were hanging onto his legs. Howard continued to throw lilliputians for a good ten minutes before he got too tired. I then waded in to help throw them twice as fast thus opening a pathway to escape. Howard collapsed into a chair and before the horde could descend upon him I distracted them by crying out “Hey look! There’s a sandbox outside!” They all stampeded for the door and left the tired grown ups in peace for awhile.

Today was a day for varied small realizations:

I’ve been attributing the personal renaissance that I’ve experienced during the last two years to beginning this livejournal. The livejournal has definitely played a role, but it suddenly seems blindingly obvious that having Howard at home plays a much bigger part. Howard finally has time and brainspace to relax into the role of “daddy” and I finally have time and brainspace to be something besides “mommy.” It makes me so glad.

My gladness leads directly to my next realization. Howard and I and our whole family are incredibly blessed. We’re getting to live a dream that remains out of reach for so many people. When life and God give me so much, I need to be doing more to give back. I need to be doing more to make sure that this world is a better place for my having passed through.

The “life as a road” metphor leads me to my third stop on this train of thought. I’ve been reading Life is a Road the Soul is a Motorcycle by Daniel Meyer. I’m not a motorcycle rider, I’ve never even been on one. Prior to reading this book my thoughts on motorcycles were pretty much confined to the average life expectancy of a teen on a rocket bike or pondering the seeming stupidity of riding at 60 mph on a freeway while wearing shorts and no helmet. Meyer has given me a whole different view. I can now see that for him riding a bike connects him with the universe and with himself. I find that same connection while gardening or hiking or writing. That drive to live rather than just exist is powerful and Meyer expresses it well if differently than I do. The book is well written and entertaining, probably even more so to someone who already is a rider. Check it out on his website: http://www.lifeisaroad.com/

These realizations are brought to you courtesy of us having lots of family in town. I don’t know what it is about family, but conversations with them are so comfortable that they shake loose tightly held preconceptions. Also there is something delightful about having a dozen kids running around playing when they all share resemblances. Cousins are a wonderful thing. I’m glad my kids have lots of them. At one point the daughter of Howard’s brother climbed into my lap and started a conversation with me. I looked down into her big blue eyes and realized that although have zero blood relation to this child, she is MY neice. Considering that I have 6 siblings and Howard has 3 and all of us are Mormon and therefore believers in large families, I should have known that becoming an aunt was inevitable. In fact, I’ve been an aunt for longer than I’ve been a mother. Strange that aunthood didn’t feel real until today with that small little person who plonked into my lap without warning. She and I hadn’t really exchanged any words before, but there she was smiling and talking and snuggling, trusting me to be kind and good. I have the chance to be an aunt, to be a good influence in her life. The relationship I build with her matters because although she is barely 4, she is already forming ideas about how extended family works. I want her to know that no matter what happens she has a larger saftey net she can fall back on. I’ve always known that my uncles and aunts would jump to help me if I ever needed it. Now it is my turn to be the safety net for the next generation. How strange and unexpected this “growing up” thing turns out to be.

Monday brings the beginning of our summer schedule. Monday brings the first day of swim lessons. Monday also brings the beginning of potty-training-in-earnest. I’ve been inching Patches toward trained, but now is the time to nudge. I’m not sure whether this nudge will end with him back in pull-ups or not, but either way it is an important step to take so that he can learn skills. I’m not really looking forward to puddles on carpet, but they are an inevitable part of the process. I’m also not sure how Patches will respond to this nudge. Several weeks ago he requested to wear underpants, but after 3 puddles he didn’t complain when I put the pull-ups back on. I’ve already talked to him today about wearing underpants on Monday. He seems to like the idea. Hopefully it will be a positive experience for everyone.

In other news, I’ve abandoned my search for a cheap used bunkbed. I found a new one on ebay. With cost and shipping and buying an additional mattress I’m going to be out $250, but with the sales from Howard’s book going so well I’m not panicked about spending money. The one I ordered is a dark cherry color which matches none of the furniture in the boy’s room, but I declined to pay an additional $50 for the same frame in a lighter color. I’m guessing that they’re trying to clear out the darker color because it isn’t as fashionable.

I showed Link and Patches the picture of the bunkbed. Patches’ eyes lit up. He really likes the idea of having a big bed. Link wasn’t so enthusiastic. He informed me that he’d much prefer a bunkbed with an attached slide. When I informed him that we have a perfectly good slide outdoors and that beds are for sleeping, he conceded that this bunkbed would be just fine.

It makes me a little sad that Patches will soon be out of diapers and out of his toddler bed. He’s growing up. I just don’t have a baby anymore. It makes me wistful sometimes, but right now I’m very glad not to be burdened with the 24/7 care of an infant. There are so many other things for me to be doing.

Our new neighbors moved in today. They have two little boys exactly the ages of Gleek and Patches. For a long time I worried because we had no children the right ages close by, now they each have 2 or 3 to choose from. This is incredibly important for Gleek who wants companionship all the time. Now she can flit to the next friend when she’s worn one out.

…and I’ve run out of coherent thoughts. Time for bed.

Today’s space on the calendar was blank. After weeks of calendar days filled with tiny multicolored writing it was so refreshing to have the full stretch of an empty day. I used the day to stay at home, take some naps, wash some laundry, and clear away clutter. The pace was so relaxed it felt luxurious.

Today was also the first day of regular ordering for the Schlock book. I had my first chance to create a system for fulfilling orders. I think I’ve got it pretty much squared away. I’ve even set up a special mailing station in the storage room with all my supplies close to hand. For now it looks like the mailing might take a couple of hours each day. I expect that will taper off to an hour or less as the first rush is over and as I perfect my mailing system. Right now the biggest delay is the annoying strapping tape dispenser. What I really want is essentially a desktop scotch tape dispenser only for strapping tape. Our local Staples doesn’t have it. I’ll have to do some online searching.

It feels really good to not be so stressed.

Our attendance at Conduit conflicted with at least 5 events that were important to the kids. Mostly the kids were happy to exchange these local events for a trip to stay with their cousins. The one thing that Kiki truly lamented, was missing Field Day at her school. Fortunately the problem was easily remedied because Link attends a different school and his Field Day was today. I just pulled Kiki out of school and let her attend with Link.

Field Day is a big deal to my kids. Last year (http://sandratayler.livejournal.com/2005/05/25/) I didn’t go to any of it. I just picked up Link and Kiki when it was over. This year Link spoke to me several times to make sure that I was actually coming. So it was this morning that I woke my Link and Kiki early so that they could be dropped off for the distance run. Then I hustled home to dress Gleek and Patches. I snarfed down the wonderful breakfast burrito that Howard made for me, urged kids into the car and we were back at the school by 9 am. I rendezvoused with Kiki by the big inflatable slides that had been rented for the occasion. Link spent most of the morning with his class, but the rest of us hung out by these inflatable toys.

I actually enjoyed Field Day this year. Perhaps it was the lack of frantic running and chasing. Gleek and Kiki were content with the inflatable toys, so I could sit in one place and just watch. Theoretically visitors aren’t supposed to be on the slides at the same time as school classes, but in truth no one minded my girls being there. No one minded any of the other kids who showed up for a turn or two either. Patches went up the bouncy slides a couple of times, but mostly he sat next to me huddled under his blanket. He’d worn a tank top and was cold. When Patches huddled into my lap I called Howard, who rescued the poor little boy by bringing him a sweatshirt and our stroller. Patches climbed into the stroller and fell asleep. Within 30 minutes I realized he’d been so cold because he was running a fever. Poor little guy.

Fun on the inflatable slide ended with a bloody nose. Turning around to see your child crying, blood streaming down her face is not the most pleasant of experiences, but after 4 kids and 5 years of parenting Gleek it isn’t all that alarming either. Blood alone does not phase me anymore. Noses can produce an alarming amount of blood very quickly. Fortunately while bloody noses are very messy, they generally do not indicate a truly harmful injury. It would be nice if I could claim foresight that Gleek and I were wearing old shirts today. It wasn’t foresight, it was laziness that didn’t make me dress myself and Gleek up this morning. In this case it works in my favor because after being baked by the sun for several hours, no way are those blood stains coming out. Gleek was very alarmed at the amount of blood which leaked from her nose. But when she realized that the next item on the agenda was buy to treats from the concessions stand, she cheered right up. She was also cheered by the awe that some of the gradeschool kids expressed at the sheer quantity of blood soaking her shirt.

The concession stand was a main focal point for the kids. They’d all brought their spending money. In Kiki’s case $10 worth of spending money. Kiki loves to buy things, so she cheerfully sprung for a ring pop and a babybottle for Patches. These “baby bottles” are candies that my kids always beg for. I hate them. They are hardened flavored sugar that is meant to be dipped into powdered flavored sugar. It is all formed into the shape of a baby bottle which encourages the kids to act like babies while ingesting highly refined sugars. Just looking at these baby bottles gives me a sugar headache. I’ll plan grocery shopping trips so that I won’t have to argue about buying baby bottle candy. Today I let them buy whatever they wanted as long as they spent their own money. All of them got baby bottles and Kiki came home with a box filled with stuff which she lovingly shared among the other kids. I did require them all to actually eat some of the lunch pizza that was served. They were pretty good about that. All except for poor Patches who licked his ring pop and then fell asleep with the baby bottle in his mouth and a layer of sticky all over his face.

We got home at 1:30 pm. Now they’re all quietly watching a movie. We’ve all had plenty of outdoors for one day.