Sandra Tayler

Today was supposed to be a gardening day. Unfortunately the weather was uncooperative. I was forced to find an indoor project upon which to spend my energies. I tackled the closet in my sons’ room. Link and Patches have a very limited comprehension of organization. They tend to clean up their room by throwing everything cluttering the floor onto the shelves in the closet. This quickly results in lost toys and a closet that is rendered unusable. Today I shovelled everything out of the closet and onto the floor where I could sort it. I ended up with a hamper full of dirty clothes, a garbage bag full of laundry, some tidy containers full of toys, and lots of empty shelf space.

Link is eight. Eight is the age of collections. All of his collections were jumbled together on the shelves. I helped him sort them and put them into containers. I also instructed him that small things are not to be thrown onto the shelf. Small things have to go into containers and then containers can go on the shelf. If he keeps the rule we will undoubtedly end up with containers full of jumbled collections, toys, and garbage, but that is worlds more managable than an entire closet full. I actually think that Link will keep this rule, he does like to keep things organized as long as he can clearly see how to do it. He is my one child who comes home from church and carefully folds and puts away his church clothes. All the other kids throw their church clothes on the floor with the same abandon as any other type of clothing.

One of the items I found in the closet was a fish tank lamp that was given to Link by his grandparents. Link loved that lamp. He loved watching the little plastic fish float around in the bubbles. Unfortunately after a year of near constant use, the bubble holes clogged and the motor broke, so it has been sitting unused in the closet. Today Link consented to my getting rid of it. I mentioned to him that he is old enough now that if he wanted to get a real fish tank for his room, he could do that. It has been years since we’ve had a fish tank. In fact I don’t think any of the kids remember us having fish. For awhile we had three fish tanks, but when we moved we decided to give them away rather than move them. Link’s eyes lit up athe that possibility. So for the rest of the day my thoughts have been musing on ways to acquire a fish tank for him. I need to not rush. His interest may wane and the next month is going to be very busy around here. Perhaps for his birthday in the fall.

Patches approved of his newly clean room and closet. He informed me “I wike cwean!” I like clean too, I just wish it didn’t always require so much work from me.

Today Kiki was proudly showing off her Daddy’s press match copy of the Schlock Mercenary book to a friend. She was pointing to characters on the cover and telling who they were. She identified Tagon and then informed her friend that he was dead. Apparently she’d missed the whole storyline with time travel and the undoing of Tagon’s death. In fact none of the kids have really read Schlock Mercenary. This is mostly because we don’t allow them to randomly surf the internet. Also they’re mostly too young to get the jokes. This will change and is in fact already changing. Kiki took the press match for bedtime reading. She is now determined to catch up on the whole story. I suspect that each of the kids will do the same as they reach the appropriate reading level.

Even though they don’t read the strip, all of the kids are tremendously proud of the fact that Howard writes it. Kiki asks how many books we’ve sold on a daily basis. Today they were fighting over who got to help stamp “media mail” on the bubble pack mailers I have awaiting books. Schlock is definitely a family endeavor.

This past couple of weeks I’ve been putting myself through a course of study on ADHD. I did this by raiding my local library and skimming through half a dozen books with different viewpoints. I read lots of things I agree with and lots of things that I don’t. Why was I interested? Because both Howard and I have close relatives with ADHD and my children have friends who are medicated. Some of the management techniques for ADHD are actually just good techniques for managing life. Writing helps me sort my thoughts so I’m going to write about the books I read. I should note that I did not read any of these books cover to cover, I skimmed through them to gain a general feel for the tactics that the particular author was espousing.

ADD and Creativity: Tapping Your Inner Muse by Lynn Weiss
This book took the arguement that ADD is not a disorder at all, it is merely a different way of processing information. It has been labelled a disorder because of our structured/task oriented society. I actually agree with that and like the theory, however Weiss is herself ADD and continually gave the impression that ADD thinking was better than other ways of thinking. It wasn’t blatant, but the bias was there and bothered me some. She had some excellent points about the ways that people are creative. She pointed out that giving a child lessons is not always the best way to nurture an interest because it can make a creative exploration into a chore. I agree with that. Childhood is a time to explore many different things sometimes with lessons, sometimes without. There is plenty of time to focus and develop true proficiency at an interest after age 11 or 12 when children stop pretending, but still need a creative outlet.

Your Drug May Be Your Problem: How and Why to Stop Taking Psychiatric Medications by Peter R Breggin and David Cohen
This book was not focused entirel on ADD, but rather on all psychoactive medications. Or in other words any substance you take into your body which affects brain function. According to their criteria sugar and alcohol are both psychoactive substances. Of course the major thrust of the book was not alcohol or sugar, but rather prescription stimulants, anti depressants, sleep aids, and anti psychotic medications. They were very clear that no one should stop any prescription medication without the co-operation of a medical professional. Some of the drugs they were discussing are truly nasty if you stop cold turkey. According to the authors all of these drugs are prescribed to correct imbalances in brain chemistry, but what they really do is attempt to correct the supposed imbalance by imbalancing the brain in the other direction. The authors do not believe in chemical imbalances. Instead they believe that most people medicate because it seems to be an easier fix to their problems than sorting things out. They supplied lots of cases to support their points. I happen to believe that some people do have imbalances. I also believe that there are far fewer imbalances than there are people taking pills. This book definitely convinced me to be very very careful about taking any drug that might permanently rewire my brain. I would have to have incredibly compelling evidence before I would allow any child of mine to be given a psychoactive medication.

Ritalin Free Kids: Save and Effective Homeopathic Medecine for ADD and Other Behavioral and Learning Problems byJudyth Reichenberg-Ullman and Robert Ullman
To my understanding Homeopathy is the practice of giving micro doses of toxins. The toxins are carefully selected to imitate the symptoms of the condition to be solved. In other words if I want to solve my allergy that makes my eye itchy and my nose run a micro dose of a nerve gas that makes eyes sting and noses run should cure my allergies. I do not believe in homeopathy. There may be some of you readers who do. I do not want to disparage your belief because I probably believe in forms of healing which you do not. Call it Placebo Effect, call it Laying On Of Hands, call it Faith Healing, call it Homeopathy, the human brain and body has great powers to heal itself. I do not believe in Homeopathy, therefore it would not work for me. Homeopathic theory is not the main reason I did not like this book. I did not find this book helpful because in 300 pages 150 of them were testimonals. It very quickly stopped feeling like a useful text and started feeling like an infomercial for Homeopathy. Give me a scholarly book on Homeopathy and I’ll probably be fascinated.

Nature’s Ritalin for the Marathon Mind: Nurturing your ADHD Child with Exercise: by Stephen C Putnam
Of all the books I read, this one was my favorite. All the other authors wrote their books to expound the One True Solution to ADHD. This book said right up front that it wasn’t offering a solution, but that however a parent decides to treat their child’s condition, exercise should at least be considered as a part of the treatment. The book told about scientific studies that discussed the chemical similarities in a brain just after exercise and a brain on ritalin. I know that I think and feel better when I’m exercising regularly. The one odd thing was the emphasis on rowing as an exercise choice. The author must live on the east coast somewhere, because out here in the great western desert rowing is not common.

The ADD Nutrition Solution by Marcia Zimmerman
This book advocated the introduction of an extremely strict diet which eliminated all possible food irritants and allergens. The theory being that ADD behavior is caused by the body having an improper balance of nutrients. If a family is in crisis, this crash plan may be worth the effort. I found some of the suggestions simple, easy to impliment, and I intend to put them to work in our family. Cut simple sugars and carbohydrates as much as possible. The closer a food is to it’s original state, the better it is for you. Processed foods and convenience foods have lots of chemicals and preservatives that our bodies did not evolve to metabolize. As much as possible eat foods in the seaons when they are ripe. This insures a variety over the course of a year. Conveniently it’s also cheaper. Take multi vitamins and pills containing omega 3 fatty acids. These micronutrients are useful for brain function. Oils that are liquid at room temperature are better for you than those which are solid at room temperature. The thing that really bugged me about this book was the ficticious family that Zimmerman created to illustrate her points. She explained how Bobby’s mom was nutrient starved during pregnancy and so Bobby’s brain developed with a deficiency of nutrients that caused him to have ADHD. Later she explains that parents shouldn’t blame themselves for the ADHD of their child. Then she immediately explains why mom’s continuing malnutrition caused Bobby’s little sister to have ADHD too. Zimmerman needs to make up her mind, either ADHD is caused by the poor choices of the parents or it isn’t.

ADD/ADHD Behavior-Change Resource Kit by Grad L. Flick
This is a textbook on behavioral modification with an emphasis on ADHD behavior. It is potentially very useful for a parent with an ADHD child who is dealing with very specific problems and is seeking very specific solutions. It is the one book I read that was pro-medication. The information on behavioral modification theory might be fascinating to someone who doesn’t know it already, for me it was a very dry review.

So what have I learned about ADHD? People with ADHD should pay attention to what they eat, get lots of exercise, and find behavioral or medicational mechanisms that fit their lives. Hmm. Sounds a lot like everyone else.

I can now tell you that my children weren’t asleep last night. They were passed out from a sugar overdose. We had accompanying hangovers this morning. Naturally they tried to make it better by ingesting even more sugar this morning. The level of cranky was over the top. Fortunately we’re gradually reasserting normal levels of nutrition and organization. Hopefully most of the cranky will be banished by the time we get around to coloring eggs.

Four kids snuggled together on the floor for a slumber party and they went to sleep! I didn’t have to scold even once. If I could count on that happening every time, they could have slumber parties every night.

My call of “bedtime!” was answered by Patches groaning “Not again!” Yes indeed son, we have bedtime every single evening. It’s just one of those things he’s going to have to get used to. How he’s failed to get used to it in the three years he’s been around, is something of a mystery, but go figure.

Kiki and Link met my bedtime announcement with excitement which at first baffled me. Patches reaction is a much more familiar one. Then I realized that Kiki and Link had hatched a plan to have a slumber party on the family room floor. “It’s Friday mom! There’s no school tomorrow!” Not only that, but it is the beginning of their spring break and the kids are feeling celebratory. They’d even weakened my request resistance by cheerfully helping clean up the disaster area that we call our family room. Now there was all that clean and freshly vacuumed space and they wanted to put it to good use.

The problem with slumber parties is that getting to the slumber part involves much giggling, squealing, and parental intervention. Frequently the only way they sleep at all is when I separate them entirely. I didn’t really want to deal with it. I especially didn’t want to deal with it when they’re all hyper on the abundance of candy they got at the “easter egg hunt” we attended this evening. Attendance at said hunt became mandatory when someone from our church taped a hot pink reminder notice to our door and Kiki found it. Kiki is fully capable of reading, checking calendar and clock, announcing impending candy to her siblings, and whipping them all into a froth of anticipation. There were no eggs at this hunt, just candy. Lots of candy strewn across lawns for kids to pick up by the basketful. My kids are not stupid, they filled their baskets. To give them credit, they then cheerfully shared with kids who came late or who didn’t gather as fast. We still came home with enough sugar for a houseful of headaches. So you can see why the idea of a slumber party did not make me dance for joy.

On the other hand, the kids make this request fairly frequently and it is almost always denied for very sensible reasons like mandatory school attendance the next morning. Tonight the sensible reasons had all been dispatched. The kids had been cheerful workers and despite the influx of sugar, they had all completely failed to squabble with each other. I realized that the only reason not to have a slumber party was that it might inconvenience me. Not a good enough reason. So they got their slumber party. I did change the venue to the floor of the bedroom that Link and Patches share. It is a smaller space with a door that I can shut. I also made sure that the kids most likely to squabble were separated by those least likely to squabble. Theoretically the containment and separation of squabblers will reduce the nuisance factor and allow me to maybe watch a movie later. So far so good, but the night is yet young.

We aren’t planning anything big for spring break. I’ve got enough big things looming that I don’t feel like adding any more is a good idea. So it is pretty important to do small special things like this slumber party. We’ll probably rent some movies, maybe have a game night. But mostly this week will be spent out in the yard riding bikes and preparing the vegetable garden for planting. If I pitch it right the kids might even consider that fun. Or not, but at least they got their slumber party.

Today I was informed by Gleek that there are poisonous butterflies that fly over our backyard and drop poisonous gray caterpillars. I think she is referring to the fuzzy gray caterpillarish things that drop from local aspen trees. At first I thought this was part of some game, but she appears to be very serious and terrified of these caterpillars. My efforts to allieviate her fears have been to no avail because she was told about this by the 7 year old neighbor boy who, obviously, knows more about caterpillars than any mom could ever know.

Today was also the day that Patches pointed to a yellow forsythia bush in full bloom and informed me that it is a dandelion tree. He was so pleased to see it and with his own description that I didn’t feel a need to correct it. Besides they do look like dandelion trees from a distance.

As you might have guessed we’ve been spending more time outdoors this week. I decided to finally tackle some of the gardening work rather than wandering around seeing how much there was to be done and feeling overwhelmed. Once I got out there and started working the job no longer seems impossible. The list of yard things I’d like to have done is endless, but then chore lists always seem that way. If I accomplished everything I want to do, my yard would look like something out of a gardening magazine. Not going to happen this year. This year I’ll be lucky if I can keep the vegetables alive.

One of the amusing things about parenting is listening to myself talk to my kids. I’ll be having a conversation which makes perfect sense at the time, then later I’ll think about what I said and laugh because it sounds so ridiculous. I’ve collected a few of these gems over the years.

“Gleek can be an ice cube if she wants to!”

“You tell me what you’re thinking about for breakfast and I’ll tell you why you can’t have it.”

“Doggies with no pants can’t use the computer.”

“Will you shut up so I can tell him to shut up!?”

“If you say ‘please’ one more time I’m going to put you in your room and make you stay there.”

“Let’s go find you a sword that won’t make people bleed.”

I have had several people mention setting up an amazon wish list for Kiki’s upcoming birthday. I have mixed feelings about this. One voice shouts “Do it, you’ll get stuff!” Another mutters guiltily about not asking for charity. A third voice tells me that some of you have honest affection for my kids and it would make you happy to send something. A fourth voice informs me exactly how expensive some of the items are, and that putting up a list would be outright greedy. There are other voices as well, but they’re hard to hear because none of the voices are taking turns. All these voices yammer in my head and I find it hard to come to a decision because they fluxuate in relative volume.

My kids already have a wishlist. Mostly I use it for reference as I’m hitting garage sales and trying to find creative ways to supply things for less money. Nothing on the list falls into the category of “need to have” which is why I’ve not spent the money to buy any of it. But everything on the list is something that one or more of my kids would enjoy.

I’m going to attempt to assuage all of the voices in my head by saying this: If you really want to peruse the taylerkid wishlist, email me at sandratayler at livejournal dot com. I’ll reply with a link to the list. I will not be at all hurt if no one emails.

The next two weeks will be mostly ordinary. A few unusual things will happen. Kiki has a drama class performance and Howard goes to Penguicon. I do have to babysit NotMyBaby for one week while his new sitter is out of town. I’ve also got a dress to sew for a neighbor and a dress to sew for Kiki. And I’ve got to do all the preparatory stuff for mailing over 1000 schlock books once they arrive. More mailers and labels need to be orders, mailing lists need to be managed, etc. Also I really need to get outside and get the yard ready for planting because in May I won’t have time to think about gardening.

Hmm… that doesn’t sound very ordinary. That sounds crazybusy.

Kiki’s birthday is in May. It comes right after the books arrive. That will be a crazy time, not at all suitable for fitting in a birthday party. So she and I have agreed that there will be a quiet celebration on her birthday and her party-with-friends will be moved to the first week of May. She wants a slumber party. (Insert parental cringing here.) So I have three weeks to arrange Kiki’s birthday presents and party. I’ll have to dig into my box of potential gifts and make sure that I have enough to make her birthday a happy one for her. With life so stressed we may just have to spend money rather than being creatively frugal.

The second week of May books arrive at our door and I’ll be crazy busy trying to get them mailed out. Once all the books are mailed we plan to have a book release party to celebrate. That will probably happen during the third week of May. The fourth week of May I haul all the kids to my brother’s house and dump them on my sister-in-law so that I can attend three days of Conduit with Howard. It will be the first convention appearance where books will be available and it feels important for me to be there.

After that May will be pretty much over and I hope to collapse in a heap.