Sandra Tayler

Even after 10 years it still feels strange that Mother’s Day is supposed to honor me. It comes every year and every year I feel differently about it. Some years it was very important to me that there be a display of some kind. Mostly because it is good for kids to conscioulsy think about the kindness their mothers give them daily. This year I honestly didn’t need anything. I made sure that the kitchen was really clean so it was pleasant to be in this morning. I cut some flowers from my yard so I would have fresh flowers in the house. I even cut a sprig of lilac to wear to church. It was enough. Today is a beautiful day and I’m honestly grateful for the chance I have to be a mother. That’s what matters.

Shortly after I moved into this house I was visiting with some new neighbors. One of them spent most of the visit trying to figure out how to tactfully ask why I had a wedding picture of my first husband up on the wall. She didn’t recognize the clean-shaven, head-of-hair man in the wedding photo as bald-and-bearded Howard.

Yesterday Howard shaved his beard off. He’s had that beard for 10 years, which is most of the time that I’ve known him. He shaved off the beard once about 10 years ago and I asked him to put it back. We both like the way the beard alters the shape of his face. In this case the decision for Howard to shave isn’t motivated by personal preference. He talks about it here: (http://www.livejournal.com/users/howardtayler/95121.html) I completely support and honor his decision to put spirituality before vainity. It helps a lot that he is still attractive to me. I keep glancing over at him and thinking “Oh yeah, THAT guy. I married him didn’t I?”

He’s still attractive, what he isn’t is familliar. We’re both a little off balance as we try to figure out what works stylistically with beardless Howard. Two weeks from now when beardless Howard has become normal I’ll look at this entry and wonder why I bothered to write it.

The list of side effects said nothing about multitudes of tiny itchy red spots all over my body. But then the note DID caution not to take the antibiotic if I was allergic to it. It would have been nice to know I was allergic before taking the stuff for three days. To add to the annoyance factor, my body is accustomed to reacting to allergens by constricting my bronchial passages, so my itchy red spots get a side order of asthmatic wheezing. The doctor tells me that the various reactions will probably last from 4 to 7 days while the stuff clears out of my system.

The one good note is that when I tell the kids “Mommy isn’t feeling well.” I have something to show to prove it. The kids were very impressed with my spots. Allergy-free Kiki was extremely curious about all kinds of allergic reactions. Cat-allergic Link got a chance to lord his superior knowlege over his older sister. It was a nice little conversation and when we were done, they were both inclined to be nicer to mommy. That’s at least one good thing.

I’m so glad to have my sabbath this week. I’m accustomed to attending church each Sunday. It is a time where I can feel peace and refocus my life on my true priorities. Last Sunday I was at Penguicon and I had none of those things. Today has been marvelous even though it hasn’t been without frustrating moments. Getting four kids up, fed, and dressed in church clothes before 9 am is always a challenge.

This morning Link was particularly recaltrant. He and I emerged from his room with him dressed and me grumpy. I told Howard “Well, I used to have a good mood.” Gleek overheard this comment and cheerfully told me “That’s okay Mommy, I’ll get you another one!” She then reached into an imaginary pocket and handed me a new good mood. Apparently she has a machine that makes them. It also makes hugs. She keeps it with her magic washing machine which washes away bad guys and bad dreams. Gleek knows how to make really good moods because it has lasted for the whole rest of the day.

I’m beginning to feel settled back into my At Home routine. Planning for a trip, being on a trip, and returning from a trip can turn two full weeks upside down, longer if the trip is an extended one. Having sick kids also seriously disrupts routines. Fortunately Patches recovered from his illness before I had to leave him. Kiki is still coughing lots, but she is otherwise alright. Unfortunately Link has come down with a fever. Since I got a call from my sister-in-law saying that one of her kids was diagnosed with a strep infection, I’m probably in for a doctor’s visit and another round of antibiotics. Whee. To add even more zest Gleek spent the morning playing with a little girl who began throwing up mere hours after the playdate was over.

Oh and speaking of Gleek, I’m not sure whether she is acting out after having been “abandoned” over the weekend, or if she has just passed one of those developmental curves which make behavior less predictable, but we’ve had several “incidents” in the last couple of days. I was getting ready to leave the house and discovered that Patches had been drawn on. The entire back of his neck was purple with bold purple marks across the back of his head and his shirt to match. I grabbed him and wiped as much off as I could, but decided that he could wear the shirt so that I wouldn’t have to rummage through laundry and luggage to find a clean one. I stepped downstairs to inform Kiki of my departure and then the howling began. Gleek had dumped an entire bottle of spray-on hair detangler over Patches head. He was slimy from head to foot. So instead of leaving the house I carried dripping, howling, Patches to the tub where I submitted him to the indignities of having his hair washed. Since he got to play in the water afterwards he became reconciled to the event. To give Gleek credit, she was appologizing profusely throughout the process. She honestly didn’t realize that the stuff would come out so quickly. She had no such excuse the next day when she filled an empty shampoo bottle with water and dumped it on the carpeted floor of Patches room.

I’ve been home for four days. I’ve still got suitcases to unpack. ( In theory I was going to make the kids unpack their own suitcases, but with assorted illnesses and personalities I may just give up and do it myself.) I’ve got a yard which needs mowing and rainy weather expected for the next week. I’ve got a garden that I really need to get planted and a bunch of preparatory work associated with that. Right now I just want some sunny days when I don’t have anywhere in particular to go. Days when I can really focus on my house and yard. Hopefully days when I’m not too tired to get stuff done. I’ve only got 4 weeks until school gets out. In two weeks I’ve got to make a trip to Pocatello for a family event. In five and a half weeks I’ve got to make a trip to California for a family reunion. Where is my comfortable rut? Can I have it back now?

I did some significant self-analysis this weekend. I am an introvert. I enjoy spending time with friends and making new friends, but I like to sneak up on new friendships. This is one reason that my life is made easier by Howard. He is very good at stepping forward and making conversation, this allows me to hang back and listen until I have a comment to contribute to the existing conversation. I’m not shy, but I like to join conversations, not start them. Throwing me into a crowd of strangers solo, while travel-tired, resulted in me fleeing to Howard to beg for help. I like to think of myself as a confident/capable person and yet I fled for security, that was almost more upsetting than not having anyone to talk to. Howard dropped everything to be with me, and an incredibly kind person came to help with the rescue. She treated me with kindness and respect when I felt like a blubbering idiot.

Friday I felt alone, Saturday I spent surrounded by friends. I don’t think Howard went around whispering “Be nice to Sandra please.” But everywhere I went there were fun people to talk to and things to be done. The difference was probably in me somewhere, maybe I adapted overnight, maybe I just started running into the same people more than once, maybe I just wasn’t as tired. The end result of the weekend is that I have this jumble of thoughts and impressions that I’m just not sure how to organize. I don’t want to lose anything though, so I’m going to resort to a list.

Everyone kept asking me if I was enjoying myself. I’m not sure whether they asked that of everybody, or if they knew I was upset on Friday, or if I didn’t look like I was having fun.

Playing Star Munchkin with Darth Paradox, Shelly, Rob Balder, Ian I-never-got-a-last-name, and Evil Mcmullin (That’s what his badge said) was a blast. Webcartoonists are very practiced at making jokes and so there was much laughter.

The Aegis consulting crew was amazing. Their sword work and party hosting skills were unsurpassed. But the thing that truly amazed me was the camaraderie that the crew had for each other. These people had worked and played together and they all respected one another and exuded confidence. Even more amazing was the way they were able to extend that camaraderie to include others. Howard and I and Jay Maynard went out to dinner with them and despite the fact that they all have a copious supply of shared experience which we didn’t share, I still felt like I was part of the group. That’s a skill set I’d like to cultivate in myself, the ability to make a total stranger feel welcome and part of the “family”. Sal & Heather went even beyond the mark in putting up Howard for three days and then making sure I got to take a tour of their amazing house and property.

Having breakfast with Peter Salus and his wife Mary was a delight. Being with a couple who have been married happily for 30+ years is a joy because they coordinated everything so well. I loved the chance to listen and get a glimpse of the perspective of someone who has been around for twice as long as I have. In this case age not only conferred wisdom, it also handed out wit and good humor.

Hanging out with Howard and Rob Balder was a blast. We had a wonderful discussion about publication and self promotion and other webcomicy concerns. The discussion was serious and important, but it was also hilarious because Howard and Rob kept feeding eachother straight lines. Yet another reason I love being in the webcomic business rather than the IT business.

I don’t drink and most of my friends locally don’t either. The same was true in the town I grew up in. So this was the first time I’ve ever been at a party where people were drinking with the intent to get really drunk. I kept watching for the classic comedic “I’m drunk” behaviors, but I never really saw them. To be honest unless I saw someone holding a drink in their hand I couldn’t tell whether they’d been drinking or not. This probably means I’m still pretty clueless about alcohol consumption. The really cool thing was that not once was I ever pressured to take a drink that I didn’t want. In fact most of the friends I made were already aware that I didn’t drink and so I was never even offered one. This was so different from the scare stories about drinking parties that I was fed as a teenager, that I’ve had to readjust my thinking. It doesn’t change my comittment to not drink, but it does add to my store of experiences from which I’ll eventually extract wisdom.

The Chaos Machine was a blast. I didn’t actually do much engineering, but by the end of the Con I felt like I’d made friends with most of the folks who had spent most of the Con tinkering with it. Unfortunately there were so many new names that I’m unable to remember them all. I can call up faces, but names slip away from me.

Getting a call from my brother on Sunday night because Gleek had gone into a non-linear tantrum wasn’t much fun. I spent about 40 minutes on the phone trying to talk her down to a point where she would cooperate with my brother again. It worked, but unfortunately that event is the one that looms largest in her memory of the weekend. Kiki spent the weekend coughing and sick. Link had so much fun he didn’t want to go home. Patches occasionally asked “where’s mom?” but wandered off after being told “She’s on a trip with your dad.” I expected him to cling once we returne home, he hasn’t. Just when I think I know my kids …

There is more stuff I want to say. I know that there is, but I’m drawing blanks right now and I’ve got to get on top of finances and laundry.

Yesterday I managed to find the fun things that I did expect from this weekend. I’d bumped into people often enough that they stopped feeling like total strangers and I had starting points for conversations. Howard was also in a more social mode.

Just a note of caution: Active seven-year-old twin boys should NOT be fed caffinated gum. And definitely not several packs at a time. The should then NOT be turned loose with little to no parental supervision.

I’m tired. I’m glad I came. I have observations and thoughts, but I’m currently too groggy to organize them.

I didn’t expect to have my kids get sick just before I left them for 5 days.

I didn’t expect to get tangentially attacked as a result of Howard’s departure from Keenspot. I was extremely heartwarmed at the number of people who were offended in my behalf. Fortunately have so little respect for the person who did the attacking that I was completely uninjured by the comments. Besides sticks and stones can’t hurt me when they’re so poorly aimed.

I didn’t expect to sit parked in traffic for an hour on the way to the airport.

I didn’t expect to be on the same plane as my backyard fence neighbor.

I somehow failed to realize that for Howard conventions are for working, not playing. Once things got going, he wasn’t in social mode.

I didn’t expect to find myself so socially lost without Howard to guide me. He introduced me to lots of people, but they were all people who are very busy and involved in making this convention run. They don’t have time to be social either. It is dismaying to realized how isolated I am here at a convention where everyone seems to run with groups of friends and have worlds of fun.

I didn’t expect to get so exhausted.

Hopefully I’ve now filled my quota of unexpected events and I can find more of the things that I expected from this weekend.

I had a whole list of things which I needed to accomplish today. Almost none of them got done. Instead I took feverish Patches to the doctor, held him most of the day, picked up feverish Kiki from school early, and finished reading a really good book. (The book was Girl in a Cage by Jane Yolen. Great historical fiction. I highly recommend it.)

I did manage to get enough done so that I can kick into high gear tonight and tomorrow to get all the packing done. On Wednesday morning I leave. Having the kids sick is not going to make it easier to leave them, but I’ve talked it over with my sister-in-law and I know she’ll take good care of them. They aren’t seriously ill, just under the weather. Part of my brain tells me that I’m a bad mom for being willing to leave. Part of my brain says they’ll be just fine. Most of my brain doesn’t really listen anymore because I’ve had this arguement with myself endless times in the last month.

Howard left this morning. Having him gone is part of what threw me so far out of gear. There was no one around to wander into the kitchen and galvanize me into action. I didn’t realize how dependent on that I’ve grown. Right now I need to start doing bedtimes for kids. And maybe I’ll tackle some more of that to-do list before I head off for bed.