Sandra Tayler

I just checked my calendar. We’ve had sickness in the house since the first week of January. This rhinovirusocerous keeps trampling through knocking family members flat and then coming around for another pass. Howard has been knocked flat twice. I was knocked flat once and feel like I’m going down again. Kiki has been down twice. Patches three times. Gleek once. Link twice. I’m tired of winter. I want sunshine and warm weather so that we can all get outside and stop being sick.

Weather forcast for the next week: Cold, gray, rainy.

Motivation was really hard to come by today. Usually Saturdays are full of bustling work. I’m going to blame the rain. The cold wet gray outside made me want to curl up with a book not run around cleaning or inducing kids to clean. Some cleaning got done, but not enough. I finished my book though and it it was a really good story.

Perhaps the best thing today was that all the bits of ideas that I’ve had floating in my head began to coalesce into a story. Hopefully this story won’t take six months to come together the way the last one did.

Enrichment night last night also featured a session on “Dating Your Spouse”. The teacher was a woman who is very outspoken and talkative. She rattled off this list of things that she and her husband do together. (Roller blading, motorcycle riding, bowling, dining out, movies, it went on and on) I sat there thinking “Wow that’s cool” and feeling insecure that Howard and I don’t have many “dates”. It is hard to get out together to do fun stuff when money is tight and paying a babysitter isn’t often an option. Responsible parenting is death on spontaneous trip taking or friend visiting. In theory we can set up a babysitting trade with another couple so that we can take turns going out. What seems to always happen is that they watch our kids once or twice and then never ask us to watch theirs. Then I feel guilty and don’t call again. It seems like everyone I know has other babysitting solutions.

Rather on dwell on the stuff Howard an I can’t do right now, I decided to create a list of things we can do without sacrificing the well being of the kids or the budget.

Jigsaw puzzles
Watching DVDs
chatting while cleaning
wandering in the back yard
Talking over insaniquarium or a different game
Just talking
Sit together for lunch

Things I’d like to do more of:
Playing games (scrabble, Star Munchkin, Cannibal pygmies, Falling, Give me the brain…)
Take walks/hikes
go visiting friends

And that’s where my brain stalls. I KNOW those lists could be much longer, but I just can’t think of other things. Howard if you think of stuff let me know. If any of you have sugguestions feel free to post comments. I want to be armed against the next “What shall we do tonight?”

Last night I had a girls night out. Our church hosts one every month for the women in the congregation. It’s called enrichment night. There is on site child care, classes to attend, treats to eat, and friends to talk to. I really enjoy going to them.

One of the teachers last night spoke on “making friends”. I was interested in this topic because I’ve come to realize that most of my friendships aren’t typically feminine in nature. I have friends whom I really like, but it just never occurs to me to call them or organize a get-together. I can go months without having a social event with a friend other than Howard. If my friends need help I’m right there and vice versa, we can count on each other, but we don’t hang out as much as we could. This applies to long-time deep frienships as well as neighbors.

I watch other women who are always going out to lunch or going shopping or even just visiting. They usually aren’t having deep conversations, but they are having small amounts of human contact regularly. And on this foundation build lasting friendships. I watch that and wonder what I’m missing. What would it be like to have a girl buddy to hang out with regularly?

I know how to do deep conversations, I’m not as good at chatter. People frequently denigrate “small talk” and if it goes no further there isn’t much point to it. But chatter lays the foundation for deeper conversations. Chatter allows people to find comonalities and gradually grow frienships from acquaintences. I wish I were better at just picking up the phone to talk. I never make phone calls unless I have business to conduct. There is value in just calling because you wonder how someone is doing.

Part of the reason I’ve been content to let this whole frienship thing slide is because I have Howard. He is the best friend I could ask for. We share life, love, stress, pain, and laughter. Having Howard here sates the imediate need for someone to be with, and adult to talk to. And yet on those occasions when we do spend time with other friends Howard and I both feel refreshed and invigorated. I need to make space in my life to nurture friendships.

Yet another thing to make space for.

Last November we bought a 20 lb bird when they were cheap and had the bucher saw it in half. 5 days ago I pulled one of the halves out of the freezer with the intent to thaw and roast it. This morning it had leaked fluid all over the fridge and had there for reached This Must Be Cooked Today status. So I roasted it.

Hours later I picked up Link and Kiki from school. They were both in tears. They both had unfinished work from school and the rule around here is that homework can wait until after dinner, but unfinished schoolwork must be done before playtime. So instead of having time to relax I had to sit at the kitchen table with screaming/fighting Gleek and Patches. Link and Kiki both needed 100% attention to be coddled through the necessary work without complete breakdowns into I Can’t Do This land. Because once we fall into that pit nothing I can say or do will make the homework happen.

The schoolwork got done. The turkey was dry. It took me two incessantly interrupted hours to dismantle it and stow all the edible bits away. The kitchen is a disaster. The kids are all squabbling. I have no interest in eathing turkey or in trying to induce kids to eat it. The rest of the house is a wreck too. And I still have to coax and maneuver 4 kids into going to bed happily.

A four year old boy drove his mother’s car to the video store. The full story is here (http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/02/07/young.driver.ap/index.html)

Gleek just turned four.

Yikes.

Well, not really spring. But today was one of those gloriously sunny and warm winter days that make me start thinking happy spring thoughts. Such days are always followed by cold and snow and sadness that spring isn’t actually here yet. At least today’s weather allowed me to get outside and do some mental Yard-work-to-be-done triage. I’ve now got a list of things to do in February. Another list for March. A third list for April. I’m not going to think beyond April yet because the May, June, July lists are likely to be full of unaccomplished February, March, and April items.

Howard was bitten by the spring-weather bug too. He went disc golfing.

Snow is due Sunday afternoon. Sigh.

For the past couple of weeks Howard and I have been staying up too late almost every night re-watching CSI season 2. For the past couple of weeks my diet/exercise reigimen has been non-existent. I suspect that the first is a causative factor in the second. I need to be getting more sleep. I function much better when I’m not tired all day every day.

Sadly what this means is that I need to be exercising more self-discipline. I need to be getting up ontime each morning instead of hitting snooze until the last possible moment. I need to not touch my computer until the kids are off to school. Then I need to not “wander through” and check email 8 times a day. I don’t get that much mail and every time I sit down, I end up clicking on things just for the sake of clicking. I need to not read until the day’s work is done. I need to go to bed at bedtime even if it means no CSI for the evening.

“A place for everything and everything in its place” applies to time as well as things.