Sandra Tayler

I sit here at my computer intending to write something. It needn’t be profound or witty. I’d settle for coherent. Coherence would be a nice end to this scattered day. Where did it go? And why didn’t more of the things on my to-do list leave with it? Busy busy all day long and not a thing got done. I did start a few things, but I did not finish them.

Some of the unfinished things don’t really make me feel bad. Like laundry. I am of the firm opinion that it is impossible to really ‘finish’ laundry. No matter how quickly I run loads through and fold and put away, the people in this house keep wearing clothes and getting them dirty. I suppose I could strip everyone naked and make them stay that way until the last load is washed, dried and put away. Not likely to happen,so unfinished laundry is just part of my state of existence. Part of the mild chaos that so frequently fills my house.

Dishes are like laundry. Nuff said.

And now it is time for me to head to bed before the knowledge of things Not Done that are drifting through my head consolidate into self pity and leak into my journal entry. I wouldn’t want to stain anyone else’s day. Especially since all I really need is some sleep. Tomorrow morning I’ll wake up and tackle that list again. Or maybe I’ll scrap it and make a better one. As my mom wisely told me “It’ll look better in the morning.”

Wow. Anytime I’m feeling low or down on myself all I’m going to have to do is browse back throught the commentary on Flower Gardening and Throwing Rocks. I can’t remember when I’ve been more touched or heartened by the kind words of others. In your face Ugh!

For those who kindly sugguested it, yes I’ve disabled anonymous posting. Now if people want to be mean to me they have to leave their name and address. An from the number of folks volunteering to stomp Ugh I’m guessing that anyone who does so will suddenly have a mob on his doorstep. It’s probably neanderthal of me, but that makes me feel really glad. I’ll keep this closet over here full of pitchforks and torches just in case. 😉

A couple of you mentioned slightly guiltily that you kind of skimmed Flower Gardening cause you weren’t interested and thus missed your chance to tromple Ugh. Don’t feel guilty. I’m not at all hurt if someone is bored by my ramblings and chooses not to read. Politely going to do something else is very good ettiquette for LJ and for online forums. I do it all the time. There are whole threads in the Schlock forums that I don’t even open anymore because the science goes way over my head or the topic just isn’t interesting. Nothing wrong with that at all.

Well, Patches just wandered down into the office chanting “num-num” while chomping on a birthday candle. I suspect this means I need to get back upstairs and see how he managed to get his hands on a candle in the first place. I’m guessing Gleek is the culprit which means I need to go find out what ELSE she might have been feeding her baby brother.

Thanks again everyone.

Why is it that someone who has chosen to drive a scenic route to go and see a rustic house, when they arrive and decide the trip wasn’t worth it, will throw a rock through the window as if the house is at fault?

Rocks hurt.

So here I sit really really tired. I’ve spent all morning putting flowers into the ground. It seems like a lot of effort for annual flowers that will only die when frost hits this fall. In a month I’ll be glad I did when the flowers have grown enough to look nice instead of looking like forlorn little souls lost in a sea of dirt. Maybe by next month my back will feel better too. 😉

I have so much work to do in the yard. Gardening work is one of the things that I completely give up on when I’m pregnant or nursing. I have to use my limited energy for other things, like retaining sanity. Since I got pregnant with Patches right after I finished nursing Gleek, it’s been almost 4 years since I’ve had sufficient energy to deal with the yard.

It is kind of startling to wander in my yard and see what has taken it over. Mostly grass and bindweed unfortunately. But there have been a few nice surprises. Some of the perennial plants have gone gangbusters and are ready for me to dig up and divide into smaller clumps. That way I’ll have even more flowers. Other perennials have wasted away to nearly nothing or died completely choked out by weeds. Sigh.

On the other hand there is something really satisfying about attacking a flower bed and pulling out huge piles of weeds. At the end of an hour I can stand back and really see what I’ve accomplished. It is much more satisfying than hands-knees-pulling of baby weeds although pulling baby weeds is a better way to run a garden.

Weeding and planting in the backyard is especially pleasant. Howard bought me a new bird feeder and bird bath. These have attracted flocks of finches and sparrows. Now our yard is almost constantly filled with soft twittering noises. Even more fun is the hummingbird feeder that I got for Mother’s Day. I’ve put that up outside the kitchen window and we get daily hummingbird territory squabbles for entertainment.

All in all our yard is a nice place to be and as I clear out and clean up it’ll be really pretty as well.

I got to escape from my regular “routine” (Its and extremely dynamic and frequently rearranged routine) today.I went out with a friend to help her shop in preparation for a party. It was so refreshing to actually talk with an adult. Particularly one who has been a mother of young children but isn’t anymore. She listens to me sympathetically without needing a turn to whine herself. And then I get to listen to her talking about teenager woes and think about all the stuff I have to look forward to. Okay, that piece is worrisome, but playing ostrich won’t make it go away.

I think many parents not only borrow trouble, but actually set it up for themselves by fearing the teen years. I had someone once tell me “when they turn 14 they go crazy”. No, they don’t. They go through some extremely predictable and understandable body changes and mental changes as they struggle to navigate the passage from childhood to adulthood. Why on earth do parents sabotage themselves into believing that teens are beyond comprehension? Instead parents need to be educating themselves on how to assist that passage. Rather than attempting to control their teens, parents should be seeking ways to guide them to rational independence. It’s a process that should begin well before a child hits puberty so that the pattern is in place. Give them as much freedom as they can deal with and they don’t feel like they have to fight for it. Let them know that you are willing to negotiate. Especially that you are willing to let them convince you that they are right.

Well, at least that’s the theory I’ve been working under for the last 9 years. Some time in the next 5 years I’ll have a feel for how well I did.

All in all I think I’m looking forward to having teenagers. There will definitely be some challenges, but I’m excited to watch my kids develop their own interests and to start being emotionally self sufficient. I’m sure when I get there I’ll miss being the major source of all their opinions, but on the other hand a 16 year old who needs his mother to tell him what he thinks is pretty pathetic and I don’t want that for any of my kids. Someday I’ll get to have adult conversations WITH MY KIDS. That will be really really cool and it isn’t that far away.

I couldn’t get this journal thing out of my head all day. Aside from startlement that within 24 hours after first posting I had 9 people who put me on their friends list, I was musing about what to write next. All day long I had big plans. I was going to wax philosophical about “quantum journaling” where the mere fact that I KNOW I have and audience changes the way I journal. Or maybe I was going to ponder the power of recognition as a motivator. I certainly felt its effects today when the comments and friend listing of others made me totally re-evaluate my commitment to this journal. I’d even thought about writing musings on life choices, how I’ve come to be where I am today (a stay-at-home Mom with four kids).

But here I am and I don’t know that I have enough mental energy left to give any of those topics proper treatment. Perhaps I’ll tackle them another day. This could be a long term problem with my journal. By the time I manage to herd all the children through dinner and family prayer and pajamas and teeth brushing and stories and into bed I’m ready to crash myself. It’s almost as much fun as herding cats. Oh and once they’re actually IN bed, then it is like one of those games where you hit gophers on the heads with mallets. Every time you get This One to go down That One pops up. There are nights where I think very longingly of actual mallets instead of metaphorical ones.

And here is the point where I feel the quantum journaling effect, because I feel compelled to assure everyone that I DO love my children and wouldn’t trade them for anything. No actual mallets are ever used in our household on anything other than inanimate objects. At least not by the parents. The stuffed hammer from Chuck-E-Cheese is a frequently misused and confiscated item around here.

Alright, I’ve found reasons to continue this live journal thing. It could be that overnight I ended up on the friends list of 6 people. That’ll be Howard’s fault. He’s like a seive I send out into the world. He comes back with a few gems of friends and they become my friends too. It’s really convenient for me, I don’t have spend all that time making small talk to people with whom I have nothing in common. Obviously most of the Schlock fans are just nice to me because I’m married to their cool cartoonist, but some become real friends and when that happens it is really cool. Good friends are treasures.

That leads me to the second reason for maintaining this journal for a time. I’ve already recieved two comments to my brief first journal and one was from a forum friend with whom I haven’t communicated in a very long time. I’m very glad to know that SomebodyStrange is still out there and glad to hear from him. I’ll have to go and check out his journal to see what life has done to him lately.

A third reason for this journal is to provide a parallax view of Schlock Mercenary for those who care. I have a unique viewpoint on the creation of the comic. To be honest though, I’m not sure how much Schlock will feature in this journal. I’m not even sure how much journalling I’ll be doing. I can see myself getting addicted to this and waxing philosophical and creative. I can also see myself getting busy (what do I mean ‘getting’ I’m already busy) and never having time or energy to write entries.

One drawback for this as a true journal is it’s publicity. I have thoughts that I don’t mind sharing with anyone, but I also have thoughts and feelings and events which could really use the introspection of a journal, but which I am disinclined to hang out here in full public view. And I do a disservice to Howard or to my children if I expose their private lives too far. I’m in a position to know many things which are not my stories to tell, and yet those stories change me. I must ponder on them and sort them out and a journal is ideal for that, but it won’t be here.

And then there is the danger of babbling. I get started and I just want to keep going without rhyme (Ick just the thought of trying to actually RHYME and entire journal entry makes me shudder) or reason. I’ve already rambled too far. Time to go back home and do the laundry.

Lookit that. I have an online journal. Now I can spill my thoughts out here where everyone with internet access can read them. And I should do this why?