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Today I spent an hour visiting with my neighbor. It was really pleasant and I enjoyed myself. Then after an hour spent in her kitchen I walked back into mine. Suddenly I could clearly see the crumbs liberally scattered over all the flat surfaces. I could see the dishes on the counter and table left over from both breakfast and lunch. I could see the slopped-and-dried deposits of food all over my stove. It was the same kitchen I’d walked through only an hour earlier without seeing ANY of those things. They were there, but I didn’t SEE them. Why didn’t I see them? It took me less than 30 minutes to load the dishwasher, wipe all the counters, wipe the stove, and sweep the floor. Why didn’t I do those simple chores earlier in the day? I have some mental block about kitchen maintenance. If I’m interrupted before a kitchen job is completely finished, I won’t get back to it until the next time I have to feed myself or the children. And then it is usually crisis feeding which means that instead of cleaning as I go, I shove the mess aside in order to put food into mouths quickly. There are so many other things I’m so good at. How can I learn to be better at this?

Tonight I want to write something beautiful or profound. Unfortunately the events of today don’t seem to be lending themselves well to such writing. The day definitely had the peaceful spirit of a Sabbath, but I was busy with doing things and never had time for profound thoughts. It’s hard to ponder life and the eternities with a wiggly Patches in my lap, Kiki trying to snuggle on my shoulder, and Gleek making loud explosion sound effects while smashing a pencil through a piece of paper. And the cheerios, today they merely existed to fly through the air and land on the floor. All of this during Sacrament Meeting where I’m striving to not allow my children to prevent others from having profound thoughts. I’ve gotten compliments on how well behaved my kids are during church, which tells me that I’ve managed to keep the chaos below the “disturbs other people” threshold. That is good, but it is not the same as non-chaotic.

Sacrament Meeting was followed by filling in for Link’s Primary teacher. I actually kind of enjoyed that. 8 year old kids are old enough that they can actually think and respond to a lesson. I could direct a discussion rather than just show pictures and read stories. 8 year old kids are also young enough that they are still focused on bonding with adults rather than pushing toward independence. So I enjoyed teaching the class and wasn’t stressed by it, but it definitely did not provide time for me to think about anything but class and lesson management.

The post-church part of the day disappeared into some reading, a cat nap, and a ward potluck dinner. All of those things were pleasant and worthwhile, but again not something from which I can draw deep thoughts.

And yet I look back on the day … and it was beautiful. All through it are snatches and bright moments that shine in my memory and remind me how precious ALL of my days are, even the ordinary ones. Today Gleek flew high on the swing while I pushed her feet and she giggled her delightful giggle that sounds like bubbles in a pond. Today Patches and I had several very serious conversations about trucks and trains and colors during which he looked at me with his blue eyes and formed complex thoughts and put them into full sentences. Today I walked into the kitchen to discover that Link had invented another “new” food. He took a glass of milk and added cheerios then proceeded to eat them. Today Kiki who is not yet allowed to wear long dangly earrings came running up to me to show me how she’d made dangly earrings by spearing the posts of her small earrings through large rose petals.

Of such small bright moments is lasting happiness made.

Today was a good start for summer vacation. The kids got all their work done before lunch with only minimal prodding from me. Then we brought out the slip-n-slide that I bought at a thrift store last November. We set it up on the small hill in our yard and much splashy fun ensued. I didn’t actually participate in much of the fun because I was wrapped up in The Face by Dean Koontz. I tend to not like creepy novels. I definitely don’t like novels where Bad Things happen to children, but this particular novel really worked for me. There was some creepy stuff, but the basic universe is one where supernatural evil is balanced with supernatural good and I’m alright with that. The characters were engaging as well, which is a must for me to really enjoy a book. It was nice to really wrap my head around a new book, but now I need to dive in and work on some household projects which need to be finished.

In every house there are corners where “stuff” gathers. The “stuff” may be papers, toys, batteries, anything where someone decides it needs to be saved, but isn’t sure exactly where to put it. I’ve been cleaning out corners of gathered “stuff” over the past week. I use the pile-in-the-middle method. I scoop everything from the corner (or counter, or closet) into the middle of an empty space. Then I can only put back the things that really belong in that corner. Everything else needs to find a new home. Sometimes it only migrates to a different clutter spot, but in theory as I go through and eliminate clutter spots this “stuff” will eventually run out of places to hide in plain sight. I got this method from my mother who always taught me to clean the corners first because if I clean the middle first the corners will never get done. My mom is a smart lady.

The morning began at 6:30 am when Patches exercised his new liberty and climbed out of his bed and into mine. He was inclined to be snuggly-sleepy, but Howard is incapable of letting sleeping children lie. He has to snoogle them. This usually leads to games and giggling. On this particular morning I didn’t really mind because I’d promised the kids a picnic breakfast. As is usual when there is a treat in store, the kids bounced out of bed and into clothes with nary a complaint. In fact we discovered that both Kiki and Link had slept in their clothes in anticipation. So with my garage-sale-find double stroller loaded with blanket, breakfast, Gleek, and Patches we set off for the park.

Howard delayed his departure for Conduit so that he could come along on the adventure. It was a good thing he did because things got a bit more adventurous than I’d intended when one of the wheels broke completely off of the stroller. (Seven dollars poorly spent. sigh) I ended up handing Gleek over to Howard to manage and maneuvering the stroller by leaning on the opposite corner from the broken wheel. The pace was much slower that way, but we made it to the park. The kids loved having time at the park. We were the only ones there so they could play however they wanted. And when they’d run off a little of the excess energy I pulled out the french toast strips and syrup for dipping them. The kids loved it. Howard decided that he didn’t want me trying to maneuver the broken stroller all the way home, so he walked home to fetch the van. He did it even though it risked him being late for Conduit.

Kiki and Link were dropped off on time for their last day at school and a good time was had by all. It was fun enough that I think we’ll do it again sometime. It could become particularly useful in the middle of the summer when the park at noon is too hot and too crowded. Only next time I think I’ll skip the broken stroller bit.

I like to think that we are mostly wise in our choice of how to spend money. Even so, things seem to add up and the financial buffer is getting lean again. There are some things coming soon which will give us some more breathing room, but the back of my brain can’t help wondering if “soon” will be “soon enough.” Logically I line everything up and know we’ll be fine. I guess I’d just like to see Howard being more financially rewarded for the work he does. The next step in the road is producing books. But we can’t make books until Howard creates some bonus material. And Howard can’t make bonus material until the buffer is a respectable size. And the buffer is about to take a hit because of Conduit. And when he gets done with Conduit he’ll build the buffer and then we go on vacation for a week. And then he’ll build the buffer AGAIN. I’m having a hard time picturing him really working on book material before July 1. Which pushes the publication date into September or October. That seems so far away when we could use book income now.

I really hope that Conduit is worth the stress and effort. We’ve had a hard time communicating with the people there. The schedules haven’t worked out the way we’d like. Howard is going to have to drive to Salt Lake and back three days running. We don’t know if he’ll have space to sit and draw. We don’t know if the artwork I spent tow hours matting for the art show will sell. If Howard comes home tired-but-happy then Conduit will be worth it. If he comes home frustrated or depressed, then we will have spent all that stress just to gain more stress.

Another frustrating thing is seeing friends who coud really use business help, and knowing that I am fully capable of diving in and solving the problem, but I can’t do it because in order to do so I’d have to neglect either family or Schlock. My comittments have dwindled lately as the kids’ school shuts down for the summer. As a result I have actually begun to conquor some long neglected household tasks. It may be selfish, but I don’t want to give up the time. I want to keep my household running smooth and clutter free. I want to finally clean closets and organize the garage. I want to take my kids to the library every week. I can’t do those things if my attention is split by paying attention to someone else’s business problem. The good news is that these people are very capable and will probably find an excellent solution without my help. Unfortunately that doesn’t stop me from feeling a little guilty for failing to volunteer.

Oh, and the kids were all cranky this evening. I’ve no idea why. And I’ve got to make them go to bed and then cook so that I can do the picnic breakfast that I’ve promised to them. Right now I want to curl up with a movie or a book and none of the ones I have in the house currently interest me. And Howard has been struggling with the blues this week. Anytime Howard is depressed I feel like I ought to do something to help him. It’s yet another burden I place on my own shoulders while wondering why I’m aching from the strain of carrying everything.

I wish that being able to see that I’m causing my own stress was the same as making the stress disappear.

It is field day again. My first write up of field day is here: http://www.livejournal.com/users/sandratayler/4676.html

This year I managed to convince Kiki and Link that the festivities could continue without my actual presence. This means that I won’t have to chase Gleek and Patches all over the school while attempting to watch Kiki and Link compete in various physical activities. After reading the write up from last year I’m a little sad. I won’t have anything entertaining to write this year. On the other hand Patches and Gleek will actually get their quiet time/naptime in the afternoon and I might actually be able to accomplish the things on todays To Do list.

I’ll try to make up for today’s lack of adventure on Friday when I’ve promised the kids a picnic breakfast in the park to celebrate the last day of school.

I can now add successfuly dismantling and reassembling a sink trap to my list of life accomplishments. Whee. I actully feel pretty good that I am smarter than my sink plumbing. I just wish I’d been able to solve the slow drain problem. I suspect I’m going to have to round up a plumber’s snake and do it again. 🙁

EDIT (5/25/05): We rented a plumber’s snake. It wasn’t long enough. We weighed the options and decided that the best use of resources (Time and money) was for me to call a plumber while Howard got back to comics. The plumber used a 50 foot electric powered snake and made the clog be gone.

Friday is the last day of school. In order to prepare for the oncoming schedule shift I sat down an created a chart. I listed for the kids the things I expected for them to do each day. I also listed scheduled fun things like a weekly trip to the library. They’ve also each been asigned a designated “kitchen helper” day. I knew that I wanted more help with the house while they’re home all day, this chart shows clearly exactly what help I expect. Time will show whether this system will actually work for our family.

Also in preparation for summer I moved Patches out of his crib and into a little bed. So far the transition has been painless. He seems to be taking longer to actually fall asleep, but he’s been really good about staying in the bed until he does. Yay! That is one of the tranistions I dread because the child is no longer contained. For the first time in 10 years I don’t have a crib set up in my house. It feels kind of strange.