Work

Making Books

By / January 2, 2013

My blogging has been brief the last few days because I’ve been putting the last of the 2012 entries into my blog book for that year. Any time I’m placing blog entries into one of these books I spend some of that time wondering why on earth I’m so very wordy. The book for 2012 is 496 pages long, which is a full 96 pages more than the 2011 book. I wrote more this year. The project is packaged up and off at Lulu.com for printing. While I was in my Lulu account I paused to count. I’ve created 22 books through their website. These are the family photo books, blog books, and a couple of other personal projects. Add in the ten books I’ve produced through offset printing and I’ve created 32 books in the past eight years. It is amazing what accumulates when I’m not looking.

While I was doing layout, I noticed that Lulu had an option for pocket sized books. I’ve always been a bit dissatisfied with the trade paperback size of Cobble Stones. It is a sampler book meant for gifting or as something small to be taken along. A smaller book with the dimensions of a mass market paperback would be better suited to the material. So I spent a few hours and re-packaged Cobble Stones into a pocket sized format. While I was at it, I added 2011 to the title so that it will match the Cobble Stones 2012 book when I release it later this year. This project was one of those moments when I realized that I’ve accumulated some significant skill in producing books. A similar moment occurred when I assembled a cover for my blog book in only a few hours. Last year’s cover took hours and hundreds of pictures while I figured out how the format needed to work. This time (Thanks to a nicely placed snow bank and some fortuitous late afternoon sunlight hitting that bank of snow) I think I’ve got the cover shot I need in a single photo session. Next year may require more effort, but I’m trying to just believe that I’ve learned and grown as a maker of books.

I’ve got four book projects in process right now. The Body Politic is the next Schlock book and my role there is pure graphic design and art direction. Howard does the heavy lifting on creation. For Cobble Stones 2012 I may already have a cover, but the editing has only begun. I need to finish selecting and arranging essays. After that will be critiques, revision, and copy editing before the book is ready to print. Putting together the book Strength of Wild Horses will be fairly simply for me, but before I can get to that fun part, I have to face the Kickstarter process to secure funding for the book. Also in the beginning stages is the 2012 Family Photo Book. I’ve collected the stories, but I have to select pictures, scan pictures, and then take time to lay out everything into pages. It is a massive project every year, but one which I always enjoy. Even better is when I see the kids sitting down to read the stack of photo books from previous years, re-living the family stories from their earlier childhoods.

Bit by bit all of these projects will become books. After that there will be new book projects. Because I like making books and intend to keep doing it for as long as I like it.

Facing the Fear

By / December 27, 2012 / 3 Comments

This morning I sat in Howard’s office while he worked on painting a miniature. His hands are busy, his ears are available, and he’s likely to stay put rather than wandering off to go work on a project. I enjoy talking to Howard while he’s painting. I’m not sure whether he can say the same, because the times when I’m likely to sit down and just talk to him are usually when I need to sort my brain about something. Otherwise I’m off and running around tending to projects. We’re a pretty good pair.

I wanted to talk about one of my intended projects for January. I’m planning to run a Kickstarter for Strength of Wild Horses and the thought frightens me. I’m not at all certain that I have enough skill or social media reach to get a picture book project funded. I think what I hoped for was that Howard would take the role of cheerleader, that he’d pour encouragement on me and I could use the borrowed energy to proceed. Instead Howard stayed firmly in the role of business partner, discussing options and likely outcomes. He’s not sure we can pull it off either. He also spent time as Good Husband, expressing his intention to support me through all of it. Even the parts when I go neurotic or weepy because things are hard. I had to walk myself onward into the day because there was no tide of borrowed enthusiasm on which I could surf. I really wanted that tide, because the day just seemed hard and all my projects of questionable utility.

I was supposed to focus on shipping, accounting, and house cleaning. Instead I sat and thought for a bit. I came to some conclusions. I can either be a person who depends upon others to help her believe in her work, or I can proceed as if I believe because I probably will at some point in the future. Also, fear of failure is a bad reason to give up something I want to do. Howard is willing to follow me through this Kickstarter venture and catch me if I fall. That is a huge expression of love and trust. I need to see it.

Thoughts sorted, I went to my computer to begin accounting. Except once I got there, I opened up my 2012 One Cobble book instead. This is the layout project where I print all of the 2012 blog entries into a book for my own reference. While doing so, I was also collecting stories for our 2012 family photo book and for the 2012 edition of my blog sampler book. I happened to be working on the months of April and May, which were just about the craziest months out of this year. I took a trip to see my sick Grandmother while simultaneously remodeling my office, I taught at a conference, hosted my mother as a visitor, went to the Nebulas, helped my son through a diagnostic process for learning disabilities, managed the end of the school year, managed pre-orders for the latest Schlock book, and sent Howard off for a trip. It was the craziest mish-mash of business and personal that I could possibly arrange. Yet, as I placed the entries onto their pages, I began to see how books I’ve created in the past made a difference and how me continuing to make books will play a part in our future business. I remembered why this project matters and why Kickstarter is the best shot it has to succeed. I found, not a tide of enthusiasm to carry me, but some firm ground to stand on while I continue forward.

So, come January I will make a video of myself talking enthusiastically about Strength of Wild Horses. I will feel awkward and will dislike the result, but I will post it anyway. Then I will be sure it will all fail even while secretly hoping it will succeed. It will do one or the other and I will manage the aftermath, which will either be scary or sad. I’ll do all of this because I think it is one of the right next steps for me to take. There are other steps for me to take: finishing a novel, continuing this blog, supporting Howard in both his prose and his comic, teaching and guiding the kids, fulfilling my spiritual responsibilities, submitting for publication. All of these steps together are taking me places. Hopefully there will be wonderful places after the hard and scary ones that I can see. I’m scared, but that won’t stop me from moving forward.

Thoughts that have Accumulated While Shipping Packages

By / December 5, 2012 / 10 Comments

I can tell it is shipping season by looking at my hands. They are dry from handling all the paper. The fingertips are sore from holding the edges of cardboard in place while I fold boxes. I have scratches and scrapes on the backs of my fingers from sliding product into boxes. I often have a cut or two from accidentally scraping some part of my hands against the cutting surface of the tape dispenser. Also my right wrist develops an ache.

I re-watched Brave on Monday night. It is a beautiful film that consistently manages to lance open unexpected emotional sores. Apparently I have unresolved emotional conflicts relating to freedom vs. restraint and Mother Daughter relationship struggles. I love Merida. I want to be Merida. Yet I am the mother. This makes me sad. It also makes me aware of how much depends upon what a reader/viewer brings with them to the story. No one else I know has such strong emotional reactions to this film in the places that I have them. I suspect I need to periodically return to the film to keep digging out what causes me to be upset. Also because it is a beautiful and fun film.

Two kids, two pocket knives, and several bars of soap results in soap carvings and soap dust coating one half of the kitchen. In theory soap dust is easy to clean up, but in truth it has to be carefully managed or one just ends up with soap scum on every available surface. Also, the kids are discovering that inadequately cleaned soap dust does not taste good. If soap carving is still a thing come spring, it will be evicted from the house.

My meal planning needs an overhaul. Frozen pizza should not be a staple.

When googling around to find answers for computer problems, it is best to picture yourself treading through swampy, snake-infested waters. Check multiple sources and think three times before downloading any “solutions.” Knowing this is half of what made me so panicked and exhausted when contemplating fixing my computer. The landscape out there changes fast and I don’t speak the native language.

The shipping of unsketched calendars is all done. Only sketched calendars to go. This is good since I’m starting to get emails from folks worried about Christmas presents. I don’t want to add to their stress.

Tomorrow I need to get my act together, conquer the laundry, and pay more attention to the kids and their homework. They’re pretty good at getting the daily stuff done, but I’m certain some longer-term projects are falling through the cracks.

Computer Issue Resolved

By / December 5, 2012

Monday, in the middle of frantic shipping, my computer declared that I had no space left on the hard drive. This did not make the day better.

Tuesday, I cleared off enough files to give me space to work. I also kept a log of space usage and watched the space I’d cleared gradually get eaten up. I focused on getting work done, but noticed that internet connectivity had no effect, so my computer was not infected with malware. A friend suggested that I had some stray program creating a log file. He pointed me at a program called WinDirStat (Short for Windows Directory Statistics).

Wednesday, I continued to baby my computer, then finally installed WinDirStat. Within minutes it showed me that Kaspersky was using up over 700 gigs of space. All of that space was text log files. One file alone was 59GB. I deleted them and now I have 748GB of free space on my computer. I could design 250 books in that space. I then opened up Kaspersky to see why on earth it was making massive log files. The only thing I could find was in the settings, under System Watcher, there was a little check box for “save activity log.” I unchecked that box.

Tomorrow, I’ll be keeping an eye out to make sure that Kaspersky doesn’t start filling up space again. I’ll also call their customer support line to see if they have any idea why it happened and how to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Calcifer also has Kaspersky and does not have this problem at all. On the other hand, if it does happen again I know how to fix it, which is very empowering. I no longer have to be afraid that my computer will randomly stop working. I like not being afraid.

In tangential news, the little mini laptop, which I thought had the same problem, has a different problem entirely. It is not losing memory. It just doesn’t have enough. Windows 7 requires 14GB and the hard drive is only 16GB big. Upgrading that machine to Windows 7 was a mistake. Ah hindsight. WinDirStat is an excellent program and helped me solve both issues.

Little Things Gone Right

By / December 4, 2012 / 2 Comments

On the day after many things went wrong, it is nice to have a day when a dozen little things went right. The kids did not fight or cry about their game turns. I was able to clear enough space on my computer that I could print postage and keep an observational eye on how the hard drive space disappears. (Good news: Internet connectivity has no effect. If the computer is completely idle, no memory gets used up. Bad news: space is still disappearing. I’ll begin troubleshooting steps tomorrow.) The rain did not start falling until after the postman picked up my packages. Gleek came home from school and did her homework. Link was late coming home, which at first seemed like a bad thing, but it turned out to be because he went to talk to a couple of teachers. He’s turned in work and has a plan in place to bring up the remaining low grade. All of this he did on his own recognizance. I did not push, prod, remind, or prompt. During my packaging I kept having convenient coincidences: I’d pull out a stack of mailers and it would turn out to be exactly the right amount for the list I was working on.

By 3 pm today I’d completed all the packages I was able to do. The rest require sketches from Howard. By tomorrow morning more orders will come in, but that is fine. It finally feels like I’m on track with the shipping.

As for the rest of my evening, brownies are in the oven.

The Day My Computer Failed Me

By / December 3, 2012 / 5 Comments

I could make a long list of ways I could have prevented today from being what it was. There were things I could have done differently a month ago or even a week ago which would have made today a much more pleasant place to be. Such a list would only serve as a tool for self flagellation and would do nothing to make tomorrow better, so I will skip that list. In the large scheme, everything is fine. The house is fine. The kids are fine. Really what I have is a big pile of technical annoyance during my busiest shipping week of the holiday season. Sadly it is not a problem more hands can solve. Putting items in the packages is easy. The annoying part is having to set up Calcifer, who is supposed to be my writing machine, to instead print postage because my desktop machine is manifestly unfit for use until I can spend some hours troubleshooting. (The thought of actually shooting problems on a gun range to turn them into little fragments of former problems is highly appealing right now.) But at least I have Calcifer to use instead of being in a terrified panic about being able to get the shipping done.

The calendars arrived on Wednesday. This meant I could begin mailing the unsketched orders, and I did, focusing on the international orders first because they have the farthest to travel. The first batch went out on Friday just before my sister and her kids arrived. Visitors in the house meant no room for Howard to set up and sketch. I sorted invoices and did some preparatory work on Saturday, but wore out quickly. This means I hit Monday morning feeling behind with no sketches done. Then I discovered that international orders all needed to be in the mail by 5 pm for guaranteed delivery before Christmas. I hit high gear, Howard hit hight gear. He rocked through over one hundred sketches so they could go into packages. I was supposed to rock through the matching postage and pack the boxes, except kids needed things. I had an appointment at the school. There were phone calls. After each interruption I knew it would be okay. I would make up the time. I could still do it.

Then my postage printing provider had their own technical snafu. It took them 45 minutes to process my payment and refill my postage account. I had to do that multiple times, and my nerves frayed each time. I tried to fill the dead time with tasks which were useful, but useful is not the same as truly efficient. I was printing up list of postage when my desktop computer popped up a window claiming that it couldn’t print unless I freed up some space on the hard drive. I have a 900GB drive. I have about 250GB of files on it. Yet the drive had only 45MB left on it. Some invisible log file or auto save has been chewing through my hard drive space. Using it up. I identified this as a problem about a month ago. Unfortunately it is a familiar problem. This same issue is half of why I had to abandon my mini laptop and get Calcifer. (The other half being battery issues) I spent hours downloading hard drive analyzing tools, but made little sense of the results. I could not figure it out. None of my tech savvy friends could make sense of it either. I was so glad to leave the trouble behind, but here it was in front of me again. I knew I couldn’t afford to ignore it on my desktop machine. This is the machine I use for book design, accounting, and order processing. Yet I’d hoped I could make it through the holiday shipping first. I was wrong. Within an hour the drive went from 45MB free to 0.

By scrambling to do work from other machines, I was able to get most of the international packages into the mail. I know I’ll solve this issue even if I have to reformat the hard drive and start fresh. Unfortunately the common element between the two machines is me. I don’t know what I did to create the problem in the first place. I don’t know any way to find out. And I still have packages to mail tomorrow. So I despair while simultaneously feeling like everything is fine and will continue to be fine. I don’t want my computers to be fancy. I just want them to be workhorses who keep working without me having to do major overhauls. Is that too much to ask?

The State of My House

By / December 8, 2012 / 5 Comments

I have eight boxes of calendars in my front room waiting for Howard to draw and me to ship. Next to those boxes is a stack of packages that I assembled this morning and are waiting for me to put on clothes so I can take them out to the mailbox. There is also a bag of garbage waiting to go out to the can. The area in front of the coat closet is in its usual jumble of discarded coats, shoes, papers, and toys. The cubbies next to it–which exist to hold all this stuff–are empty. Obviously there needs to either be a system overhaul or extensive re-training. The Christmas tree stands in the corner, lights off during the day, but still a lovely promise of holiday to come. There are no gifts under the tree and likely won’t be for weeks, though Howard and I have begun discussing what we want to do.

The kitchen table is littered with books, papers, and dirty dishes. All of these are freshly accumulated from last night’s homework time and this morning’s breakfast. The table can go from pristine to cluttered in less than five minutes–and it does on a daily basis. Kitchen counters, ditto, with the addition of crumbs, cutting boards, and other food preparation supplies and spills. The walls are dirty because some of them are fourteen feet up and we’ve never climbed up there to wash them. I shall not speak of the floor.

The family room is currently clean, but there is an unassuming file box sitting on the game table which heralds an imminent take over. Soon the couches will be shoved out of the way and shipping tables will be set up. The fireplace is covered in games and toys which don’t currently fit into the cabinets because the cabinets are jumbled rather than organized. The upstairs hallway needs to be vacuumed, but someone needs to put all the books back onto the shelf first. Picture books are prone to leaping off of the shelf and piling themselves onto the floor. The kids have once again taken to storing things on the floors of their bedrooms. They leave walking paths at least. I shall not speak of the bathrooms.

My office is fairly clear because it was used to house guests last week and will be put to similar use this weekend. I do need to do some careful putting away since this batch of guests includes one toddler, one preschooler, and two grade school children. Things will get touched. The laundry is actually contained in baskets rather than spilling forth to fill the entire laundry closet. That is likely to change in the next few days because I’m not going to spend much energy on laundry other than to make sure we don’t run out of clean underwear.

This is my house. It is in a constant state of flux. Sometimes I look around and think I’m doing okay. Other times I’m appalled at my housekeeping. Mostly though I call it good if the fluctuations pass through cleanliness often enough for us all to know what it looks like. I have a definite correlation between clean house and being less stressed, but the causality there can flow both directions. Sometimes I clean to become less stressed. Other times I’m less stressed therefore I have time to clean. It is the cluttery times which show me where to focus my attention when I have organizational energy. Like that front coat closet. I’m seriously considering tearing the front wall off of it and turning it into a nook instead of a closet with a door. In theory this would encourage people to hang their coats, but the reality might be mess visible all the time instead of some of the time. I’m still pondering ways to set it up so that the system still works when we’re not focused on it.

One of the most important organizational lessons I’ve learned is to think of my house as spaces instead of as rooms. The rooms have names, but each room has multiple purposes. The family room has a video game area, a computer area, storage cupboards, and an open space which sometimes is full of the game table. When we want to host a large gathering the game table gets stowed in the corner and the furniture slides around to create an open space in the middle of the room. Or if the event focuses around gaming, then the big table becomes the center of the room. My office serves as a storage space, library, craft space, guest room, work space, and quiet retreat. Things get pulled out and put away as they serve the purpose at hand. By thinking in spaces, I’m able to make the same desk serve three purposes depending upon how I set it up.

We are always tinkering with the way our household is arranged. I don’t know any other way to manage a house that contains six people who are always growing, taking up new hobbies, abandoning old interests, and pressing forward.

And now I should probably go get dressed to take out the garbage and those packages.

Projects in the Tayler Household

By / November 14, 2012

There are six people in our house. We are all people with goals and projects. As a family we have to adjust and support each other in succeeding at these projects, it often turns into a huge juggling act. As a demonstration I’m going to list the current projects in process.

Personal Growth: One of the primary purposes of our family is to create a safe space where the family members can learn how to be better and kinder human beings. All of us are going through developmental stages (stages do not stop in adulthood.) All of us have lessons to learn and we all have a responsibility to try to help and support family members who are struggling.

Schlock Mercenary: This is a project that has no completion date. In order to support Schlock we all have to make sure that Howard has time and space to script, pencil, and ink at least a week of comics during each week that passes. Sometimes this means that Howard gets excused from household chores and the rest of us have to pick up the slack.

Kiki’s College preparations: Kiki will graduate from high school in the spring. This is the year for her to decide what comes next. Thus far she has picked a college, been accepted to it, and gotten her first small scholarship. We still need to arrange for housing, start helping her accumulate the household and art items she’ll need, apply for lots more funding, and ride the emotional arcs of launching into adulthood.

Link’s Eagle Scout push: Link has been involved in scouting since he was eleven. Mostly he has been coasting along doing whatever his troop decided on. Then he slowed to a stand still, no longer content to just follow. Several weeks ago he pulled out his scouting binder and realized he was four merit badges away from being able to begin an Eagle Scout application. He’ll earn the last of those badges today. Up ahead: big service project and lots of paperwork.

Gleek’s Choirs: Gleek joined her school choir last September. Since then, she has developed a love for her choir teacher and for singing in general. To support her in this, there are extra trips to the school for her practices. We also attend her concerts. She was recently invited to join a holiday children’s choir. Again there is a time commitment for practices and performances.

Howard’s prose writing: Writing prose is something Howard has wanted to do for a long time. We’ve been trying to make space for it and this year we finally have. Howard wrote the story in Space Eldrich and is currently one third of the way through another project that is under contract. This writing eats up time that could be spent on Schlock work or family, but it helps Howard build the secondary career that he has been wanting. Also it makes him happy.

Body Politic: This is the next Schlock book. In order to get it ready for print I have to do the layout work. Howard needs to write and draw a bonus story, create margin art, and draw cover art.

Sandra’s novel: I’m working on a novel. It has a loose outline, some characters, some themes, and a beginning. In theory I’m working on it a little every day.

Kiki’s art: Kiki has an AP art class for which she creates an art piece every single week. On top of that she sketches to push her skills. She’s also nearly ready to begin taking paid commission work. Freelance artist is what she wants to be, and we’re trying to help her build the foundations of that business.

Household maintenance: Houses need tending. Some of it is routine clutter removal and surface cleaning. But our house is in need of some renewal and renovation. We all try to pitch in and get the work done.

Howard’s miniatures: Painting miniatures is Howard’s hobby, the thing he does just because he enjoys it. We make time and space for him to do this.

Strength of Wild Horses: This is my next picture book project. It is drafted. I’ve got commentary on it that I need to dig into and revise the text. After that I need to lay ground work to kickstart the project.

The family photo books: These are books full of photos, artwork, and stories which take place during each calendar year. The book for 2011 is nearly complete. Work on the 2012 book will follow immediately.

One Cobble at a Time: This blog definitely counts as an ongoing project. The time which I spend on blog entries could be spent on other things. There is the additional project each year when I take all the entries from the prior year and have them bound into book form. I also intend to create a second Cobblestones book out of essays I wrote in 2012.

Patch’s book report: He has one every month. They’re usually very specific and detailed in their requirements. This month he has to read non-fiction books about animals then create a booklet full of information on those animals.

Gleek’s book report and homework: The homework load for Gleek is significant, but she is just tracking it and getting it all done. The one item for which she needs help is creating a stuffed turkey. The book report information will be on his tail feathers.

Christmas and Thanksgiving: The creation of a holiday celebration is always a project. All the family members have to collaborate on decorating, cooking, selecting gifts, and celebrating. It requires patience and cooperation to pull off.

Holiday shipping: The pace of sales through our online store has already picked up. That will only increase in the next few weeks. Processing orders and filling packages takes time which could be spent on other things.

The 2013 calendar: Pre-orders are under way. Soon we’ll be swapping over into shipping mode. This is when the entire family room is reorganized into a shipping center. The kids help with the work and do not complain about the disruption in their usual routines.

I think that’s it. Certainly the list is already long enough to fracture the attention of anyone who needs to track it. Like me. Many of these projects will reach completion in December. Then January can bring new projects.

Edited November 14, 2012 (one day later): This morning Link said “So when are we going to get my driver’s learning permit?” So, add Teach Link to Drive to the family project list.

Busy Days

By / November 6, 2012

Gleek was romping. She was giggling and playing with her brother and when I required him to do his homework, she attempted (unsuccessfully) to coax our cat into romping with her. The trouble was that I was burned out. I’d spent all afternoon running around, making extra trips for kids, fulfilling promises that I’d made to them and to myself. There was still a long list of promises still unfulfilled. These were things that I was disappointed with myself for not getting around to doing. As much as I did today, I felt scattered, like I’d not used the time well. I needed quiet and space to sort my thoughts, to turn over the accomplishments and non-accomplishments and make peace with the day’s choices. Instead there was romping. I’m afraid I was not particularly patient with it. Somewhere around the fifth or thirteenth command to Gleek that she find a book and read, my fatigue tipped over into grouchy.

Now it is quiet. The younger two had their snacks and are reading in bed. In a minute I’ll have to begin the lights out arguments. There will be new negotiations and possibly I will have to find the energy to listen while a child sorts feelings out loud. I hope not. Not today. I’m not sure I have the emotional energy to find my therapist hat, let alone wear it for the necessary length of time to listen. But I will if it is needed. That has been the theme of the past four days, doing the things that are needed.

Somewhere in the last week I switched over from a holding pattern into one which is full of projects. I can tell that we’ve hit November because sales have picked up in the store. They did so even before we opened pre-orders on the 2013 Schlock calendar. I also got working on layout for the 2011 family photo book and for The Body Politic. Both are progressing nicely. Further layout work awaits after those are done: the 2012 photo book, my 2012 One Cobble book, and Cobblestones 2012. And I’m trying to write every day. All of which is why I picked this week to begin requiring chores of the kids again, because the clutter is closing in on us and it is time to attack it.

Tomorrow will bring a scout troop meeting in my back yard around my fire pit. Link will be leading this meeting. At this point I think he is kind of looking forward to it. He’s prepped notes to read from. He has brochures of places to suggest as High Adventure camp destinations. He’s even put together a flyer of possible stops for the trip. On Sunday leading this meeting seemed completely impossible to him. Tomorrow he’s just going to do it and probably won’t even be particularly nervous about it. He’s grown by doing this. Yet supporting him and helping him has eaten up a significant portion of three afternoons for me, not because I did things for him, but because Link needed a spotter while he learned how to prepare these things for himself. I will be quite glad when the meeting is over and we can move onward to the next challenge. Which is probably helping Gleek design and sew a stuffed turkey for a book report.

Kiki came home from the convention yesterday and spent some time talking to me about all the excitement, fun, and hard things. She is quite tired today. I am extremely impressed that her fatigue has not turned her into a puddle of despair. I don’t know whether the increased emotional stamina is a result of additional maturity or the fact that she’s getting regular exercise. Whatever the reason, I’m glad of it. I’m glad for her sake and because listening while someone sorts thoughts is far more enjoyable than scraping up a puddle of human despair and making it better. She’s picked her college. She’s been accepted to it. Now we move forward with seeking scholarships and other forms of funding.

Gleek has done her homework in the afternoon for the last two days. She’s been quite delighted to be able to announce “All my homework is already done!” when I declare homework time: hence the romping. She’s also got to choirs which are performing holiday concerts, so music is a big theme lately. I think she may also be teaching herself how to recognize pitches by hearing them, because she’s been playing with a pitch pipe she found in our music cabinet. At her fall choir performance there was a girl her age who played the harp with a high level of competence. I listened to the beautiful music and felt glad that my children have been generalists in their childhood. They sample lots of things and only begin to focus as they hit their teens. Gleek might be one who continues to generalize through her teen years, not picking a single thing, but instead doing half a dozen things in rotation. If she does, then at twenty she will be discouraged when the kids who picked a single thing hit professional levels while she has not. But watch out for her at thirty when she is professional in all of her dozen things.

Patch is enjoying the space at the beginning of each month when the project deadlines are all far away. He’s managing all his homework without complaint, and planning ahead for things like book reports. I’m still doing lots of reminding with him, but I don’t have to argue to get the work done. This is what makes the current academic program possible, the fact that my kids are thriving on the work. They don’t always love the work, but it is not actually difficult for them to do. The one weak spot for both kids is fluency with reading aloud. The solution is for me to require them to read out loud to me, and somehow I’ve yet to figure out how to work that into the day.

And so we continue onward, each with our own sets of tasks and challenges. The quiet of bedtime reading has now slid into the quiet of kids asleep. I should go to bed too. Tomorrow will be another busy day.

All I Can Do

By / October 25, 2012 / 2 Comments

…for we know that it is by grace we are saved, after all we can do.
2 Nephi 25:23

I always trip over that “after all we can do” part of the verse. I believe it too thoroughly, trying to make the job of giving grace and blessings easy for God, as if He is more likely to grant them that way. In fact, I try my very hardest to put God out of work by doing all the work myself.

Then I hit a place like this week, where the things I want most are out of my control. Howard is in the midst of plotting the climax of the current Schlock storyline. He’s gathering all the threads of story to pull them together into a satisfying conclusion and there are threads everywhere. I know he can do this, he is brilliant with this, but the only help I can provide is to listen when he needs to talk plot and to read the occasional script.

Howard is also working hard on a yet-to-be-announced prose project. I’m excited that he gets to do this project. I love that he is getting to write a story for which he does not have to draw pictures. It lets Howard grow in new ways and that is good. But growth is not easy and I can’t write the words for him.

Then there is the calendar project. We need the calendar to launch our holiday season and pay for Christmas. It will get done in plenty of time. Howard is already half done with the line art and a third done with the coloring. Again, there is nothing I can do except support Howard’s efforts.
And pray.
Because when I run out of things to do, I have to acknowledge how much of my life is beyond my control. I turn to deity and pray for Howard’s good health, that the hand pain will stay away, that he’ll be inspired with the story bits he needs, that he’ll have a run of good work days, that he won’t feel too stressed or depressed or frustrated.

I read the scripture again and it feels very odd that all I can do is support and pray. I want something else, something active. I want my writing to be part of the solution, right now it adds an additional time burden without providing anything measurable in terms of payment. I want to be filling store orders, shipping merchandise to excited customers, but the orders ebb and flow. We’re currently in a lull before the holiday rush. Our next big merchandise push will be for the calendar, which is not yet ready.

I’ve done all I can do, now I need to exercise faith. Faith in Howard, who has always come through. Faith in God, who has already–repeatedly–informed me that everything is going to be fine. I know it is going to be fine, I just want to get to the part where it already is. I want to have things to do again, work which obviously helps to support our family financially. I wish I could carry more of the financial burden; Howard has been over burdened with work for years. Instead I must wait patiently in this one area of my life and focus my doing on the parenting, household, writing, and gardening parts of my life. It is not as though I lack for things to do, I’m just antsy like a child who has many things but wants something else. I must learn to wait and trust. That is all I can do.