Work

Kicking Into Gear for Strength of Wild Horses

By / September 30, 2013 / 4 Comments

Yesterday I got an email with all the storyboards for Strength of Wild Horses. (The sequel to my picture book Hold on to Your Horses.) Once again Angela has created vibrant images which capture the story. They’re only sketches with words pasted on the top, but they let me really see how the completed book will look. I fired back a happy email to say they were delightful. The response let me know that once I approve these sketches, we’re only about two weeks (or less) away from me having completed artwork in my hands. Eeep. I mean Yay, because I am so excited for this book to be real, but it moves me from calmly waiting for art to be done into the part where I have to step up and make the project happen. In the next weeks I have to assemble a full Kickstarter campaign. I’ll have to run it. And I’ll get to ride the emotional roller coaster of watching it fund or fail.

This morning I sat down and carefully looked through the sketches with a critical eye. I approved almost all of them. There are a couple of pages where the words and pictures are not quite working together the way that they need to be. So Angela will give me new sketches for those. In the meantime, I’m beginning to take steps to run and promote the Kickstarter. I dusted off the preliminary page I created last spring. I need to do a lot more with it. Since the thought of shooting a video felt too scary (and I really ought to wait until I have some final art for it anyway) I went over to MailChimp and set up a mailing list. Now anyone who wants updates and press releases from me can go sign up. I promise not to be spammy, though I’ll definitely be sending email about the Kickstarter when it goes live. At some point later this week I’ll figure out how to put a link to the sign up in one of my blog sidebars. Probably to the right, where I list my twitter handles and social media groups. There is also the Hold on to Your Horses Facebook page, which will host many announcements for the coming Kickstarter and also currently has a sneak preview sketch.

It is always tricky to balance a promotional push without being annoying. I can feel like I’m shouting out to everyone, I can be a nuisance to some people, and there will still be people who come to me weeks later and say “How come I didn’t know about this?” I shall endeavor to do as much as I can to make sure that my social media announcements are in themselves somewhat interesting rather than just announcements and begging.

The most important thing for me to remember as I begin the scary process of putting my project out there for others to support (or not) is how much I love and believe in this book. Creating Strength of Wild Horses is not about making money or even about furthering my writing career. It is about getting to be part of something amazing. I get to provide a forum for others to appreciate Angela’s amazing art. I get to put another story into the hands of families and children who fell in love with Amy through Hold on to Your Horses. And perhaps most of all, I get to see Amy come alive again with a brand new adventure where she learns what wild idea horses are good for.

Angela feels a little reluctant to release sketches because she wants her art complete before it goes out in the world, but I have permission to show a few. This is only a concept sketch, but it makes me very happy because I see Amy again and I realize how much I missed her.

Loose Thoughts from Today and Yesterday

By / September 18, 2013 / 3 Comments

We had lunch with some friends whose Kickstarter has just funded. They spoke to us about the things they are considering as options for fulfillment. I listened and strongly advised them to contract out the fulfillment. Their time is better spent making another creative thing than in sorting through invoices and packing boxes. To emphasize my point, I noted how much writing I have not been doing in the past few years and most particularly this year. I can’t blame all of that on work. This has been a heavy parenting year, but I can definitely point at shipping and convention managing as tasks that sap my creative energy which I would be delighted to give up. Fortunately we’ve entered a business lull where I can take some time to consider options.

Parent Teacher conference filled up my afternoon. It was my chance to talk to all of Link’s teachers and to identify exactly which assignments Link has missed comprehending. He’s good at recognizing things that are due next class time, but once-per-term assignments always surprise him at the end. We’re still identifying trouble spots with particular assignments. The good news is that we’ve reached a good accommodation with the one teacher who seemed unwilling to listen to Link. Mostly this was accomplished by Link facing the homework and realizing that he can do the assignments. Also the teacher was happy to compromise on the length of the journal writing assignments, he has one page to write instead of three. I’ve identified that I need to teach Link to read every paper handed to him in class. At least three times the necessary information for the longer deadline assignments has been in Link’s hands since the second day of class, but he didn’t know because he didn’t read the paper. I actually expect this to be a significant challenge for him because the thought of writing assignments, even ones far in the future, can feel overwhelming. So I need to teach him how to recognize a future assignment, place it on a future day in the calendar, and then not worry about it until then. Half of public school is learning how to task manage and those skills will be useful forever. My primary goal for Link this year is that he do all of his assignments and turn them in on time.

I vacuumed yesterday for the first time in I’m not sure how long. This morning I folded laundry. All the little things, which I’ve had no time nor energy to do, are beginning to get done. Order is slowly returning to my house. I have a small hope that it will also return to my mind, though I’m reluctant to let that hope exist. It feels like I haven’t had peace or routine for almost a year. Even then it was a very busy routine for the year before that. Long ago, back when I decided that Gleek and Patch needed to switch schools more than we needed a light homework load, I knew that I was in for a couple of crazy years. Patch is still in that heavy homework program, so I’ve got a couple years more. Except, Patch is mostly fine with the work. As long as he is not feeling anxious about disappointing people, he just does the work happily. I see that and I feel the faint trickle of hope that maybe this year will not be so bad. Maybe Gleek will just be happy and not anxious this year. Maybe Link and I will establish homework rhythms and he’ll figure out how to find things he likes in his high school. Maybe Patch will have a happy year full of growth. Kiki is out on her own and weathering her ups and downs like the independent adult that she is, but she still likes us, misses us, and calls us frequently. Maybe Howard will just settle into working happily and will plow through everything he has planned for the next few months. Maybe none of my fears will be realized. Maybe. I want to squelch that entire paragraph. Surely it is better to just expect things to be difficult, and be pleasantly surprised. Except that the expectation of difficulty weighs on me. I’ve been carrying it for quite a long time and I wonder if, maybe, it would be okay for me to put it down. Maybe it is okay to let go.

My front room feels empty without boxes of merchandise in it. I look around at the walls I painted last January and remember that I had other plans for making this room pretty. I also look around and realize how much I hope that I can keep the merchandise out of this room. I would love it if my home spaces could belong to my family without all of us having to dodge business all of the time. Having offices is fine, but so often the business spills into all of the living spaces. Achieving more separation may take a while, but at least I recognize it as a thing I want.

I went to bed at 10:30 last night. This means the 6:30 wake up arrived after 8 full hours of sleep. Today was a most effective day on many fronts. I think I’ll attempt to repeat that feat. Which means now is the time to put away computer things.

The Things that Keep Me Busy

By / August 31, 2013 / 1 Comment

The past few days have felt tumultuous, but they weren’t. This disparity between external and internal experience of events is not my favorite. It means something in my brain is out of alignment. What I finally saw in the past few days is that this is the result of all my jobs expanding just a little bit, so that it is just barely not possible for me to do them all. Truthfully I haven’t been able to do any of them well in a long time, at least not up to my standards for “doing them well.” I admit those standards are high. I expect a lot of me. I’m far more forgiving with everyone else. But in the past few days it finally clicked that the reason I’m failing at all my things is because there are simply too many things.

“I wish we could hire _______.” Howard has said it more than once after coming home from GenCon where we have an amazing crew. This was the first year where he and I looked at each other and thought maybe we could. Business expansion is scary. I’m going to have to do a bunch of research and crunch some numbers to make sure we do not over extend ourselves. (I’ll add those things to the ever revolving list of too many things to do.) But there was a moment when I pictured handing off some of my jobs and I felt such relief at the thought. I might have time to pull the waist high weeds in the front garden, or to reshelve that pile of books, or to vacuum once in a while. I might be able to think ahead enough to plan meals.

Granted, some of those things will come back when convention season is over. Except I’ve seen the release schedule we’ve got planned for next year. Things are closer together. I’m not sure the old patterns will hold.

It was setting up the point of sale system which tipped me over. It was the critically important thing that I’ve been meaning to do since February. It sat on my task list. I looked at it every day for six months and there was always something else more urgent. At the last minute, in a tearing panic, I pulled it together. Then I had to scramble to fix it because in my panic I’d set it up wrong. Nothing like having my system in Texas while I’m in Utah and relaying critical troubleshooting information via text message to people who have never worked with the system before and neither have I. We’re learning how it works while we use it, and I’ll be writing a post talking about the system we’re using, because it really is a good system and the customer support has been stellar. The way this fell out is a far cry from the careful research and testing I’d planned to do.

In the meantime, Link is learning how to tackle high school level homework and teacher communication. Gleek’s choir class has her singing again and sitting down at the piano to pick out tunes. Patch hops into my car cheerfully after school and chatters to me about his day. Kiki has landed her first paying illustration job (probably, contract pending), has made friends, and discovered that the high quality of her high school art classes have prepared her well for college. In light of these things the weeds and vacuuming are less important. Yet I only see this perspective in glimpses right now. Mostly my eyes are on the task list. So many things to do before Salt Lake City Comic Con next week.

I assembled a hand truck today. It was one of the many things to do for SLCC. I thought I’d ordered a nice mid-sized hand truck that converted to a cart. It is rather bigger and more sturdy than that. Good thing I can store it in the storage units with our inventory. When I was most of the way done, Link said wistfully “next time can I help? I like putting things together. At which I immediately handed over the wrenches, because I didn’t like assembling this thing at all. Fortunately I’ll never have to do it again. I meant to stack all the boxes of things for SLCC, but the assembly took longer than anticipated, so that rolls over onto Monday.

Like last year, I’m not sad to be missing Worldcon. There are people I’d love to see, but the timing is just wrong. I need to be here. However I’m hoping to attend ConFusion in January and if I have to miss that, I will be very sad. It has been a long time since I’ve gone to a convention to be among my writer friends.

And now it is late. I should sleep.

A Day of Odds and Ends

By / August 16, 2013

Link was hoping that today would be a go-to-the-waterpark day. Instead it was an odds and ends day. I watched my older sister’s two youngest kids while she and her husband helped their college boy move out of the dorms. He’s headed back home to file paperwork to go on a mission. Watching the two girls was much more low key than last Wednesday when I watched my younger sister’s crew of four. Not having a toddler and preschooler makes a difference in how much attention has to be paid per minute. It was nice for my kids to see their cousins, though in both cases it did make clear that my kids are moving out of the free form pretending stages. Patch is still there, the rest are not.

I also tackled some customer support issues for which I was the customer. In the end I achieved my goals, but I can’t call it a pleasant experience when I have to chat with two different people and leave a message with a third to even figure out if I’ve reached the right department in the company. If that third department could have just said “we’ll totally fix that for you, just give us an hour” It would have saved me from complaining out loud on Twitter. Customer support via twitter is not good for anybody really. The messages are too short for complex problems and they are public instead of private. But in the end we got an email with the proper serial number to make Kiki’s copy of Adobe Creative Suite 6 into an official copy. She has the tools she needs.

The return of the “thinks it’s been stolen” iPad is still pending. I had to call that company and nudge them, which irritates me. They got the return on Wednesday, but did not process the replacement until I called them this morning (Friday), despite the fact that I made it very clear that I was in a hurry to get the replacement. The lady told me she would rush it and send it next day. Except they assembled the package in the afternoon (I got a shipment notification) but haven’t yet given it to UPS (Not in their tracking system yet) so I have my doubts that it will show up at my house on Monday like she promised. Fine. I’ll reshuffle my schedule for setting up my Point of Sale system. It’s not like I had anything else to do. (I may be a little cranky about this. Logically I understand that these things happen and I try not to take it out on the customer support people, but it leaves cranky flying loose and I guess this is where it vented a bit.)

I took Gleek to get re-pixied. This time I really like the shape of the pixie cut, which is a relief and means that my reservations about the prior cut were particular to that cut and not to pixie cuts in general. The style really suits her and she’ll be adorable for the beginning of middle school on Monday. She is not the only one headed to school on Monday even though the official first day is Tuesday. The High school called to inform me that there is an orientation for incoming students, of which Link is one. This was the first I’d heard of this orientation day. So Link and Gleek will be off to school on Monday while Patch and Kiki remain at home.

I wanted to do more focused work through out the day, but it was a scattered day instead. Perhaps tomorrow will see some effective efforts from me.

Separate Busy Days

By / August 15, 2013

Howard called me twice today and the booth crew called me once with a quick question. I am so very removed from what they are experiencing. It is strange to realize that Howard has spent all of his day running and talking with people, trying to be entertaining, and selling merchandise. In contrast, I slept late, took my kids to a dinosaur museum, sat with them to watch Jurrasic Park, and then cleared out my office for guests by stacking all of the merchandise for WorldCon in the front room. Both of us where quite busy, but in very different ways. I’m glad to have my day, but I’m starting to feel a wish that I could have some more convention type days in the future.

When Howard calls we talk about how the current event is going, what should be done differently for future events, and which projects we should prioritize in the coming year. There are always more projects than time. Always. This year the GenCon discussions circle the fact that next year GenCon and WorldCon happen during the same week. We’re currently planning to pick WorldCon in London. This is going to require some structuring so we can bow out of the GenCon booth for one year and step back in the year after that. So we talked a bit about how that is going to have to work.

Howard was tired, but not beaten down. I’m glad to hear that. In the past convention stress has been hard on him. I’m watching this year to see how things are different now that he’s on anti-depressants. That is part of my job too, I observe the changes and tell Howard about what I see, because trying to live in your own brain while watching for the differences created by a chemical change is crazy-making. So far, good. I hope he sleeps well tonight so that tomorrow can be another good day.

I slept well last night, which was a blessing because the night before had highly interrupted sleep. Gleek woke often and woke me as well. She claims she is not nervous for school, which was my fear regarding the disrupted sleep. Yet I watch her too, because both the doctor and I believed that we’d see an upswing of internal stress as school got close. I’m not seeing it yet, which is either really good news, or it means that we’ve all been too busy to spend much time contemplating the start of school.

I tell Howard a little about our day here at home, enough to let him know what is going on and that everyone here is doing fine. Mostly he doesn’t have energy to listen. He needs sleep or to empty his brain of business thoughts. It does not help if I try to give him home thoughts. Anything that is not a crisis can wait. We’ve had no crises yet this trip, not at home and not at the event. This makes me glad. It is always hard when Howard is stressed far away and there is nothing I can do to fix it. I think that is one of the hardest things about sending him away to conventions. It is particularly difficult if the problem is one that I could have solved if I’d managed to track all of the things.

Our phone calls are short. We say goodnight, because tomorrow we both have busy days.

Conventions, Family, and Making Choices

By / August 13, 2013 / 2 Comments

Shipping day, booth set up day, and post-con accounting day are when I discover which out of hundreds of things I failed to adequately track. That is the not fun part, when I realize that I’ve failed to do some simple thing and because of it life is more complicated. The problems are usually small and often easily resolved, but there is a voice in my head which berates me for failing to anticipate and prevent the problem. This is one of the reasons that I was glad that events conspired for me to take a break from being with Howard at major conventions. I had to figure out how to disconnect that angry voice in my head. Once the event is in motion it does not matter whose fault it is that we’re about to run out of tape. What matters is sending someone on a quick run to the store to buy more tape. Problem solved, on we go.

After I dropped Howard at the airport (he’s headed to GenCon) I came home and sat in my hammock to think. It was the first real pause I’d had all day. As part of our preparations for the three big conventions, we got to talking about the big events we have scheduled for next year. Worldcon will be in London next year, and the conversation made clear that Howard assumed I’d want to go. In my mind I’d been assuming that I would not be going. I’d love to go. We could come up with the money somehow, but childcare is the issue. One a daily basis I don’t have to seek out babysitters anymore, but if I’m going to be gone for a week or more, I have to make sure that my kids are cared for. There are three events in 2014 that I would like to be able to attend, I’m not certain which of them I’ll be able to manage. I thought about that as I swung in the hammock. And while I was thinking about the professional things I’m giving up in service to my ongoing parenting project, I also spent some time thinking about what family things I would have to give up in order to attend all the professional events that interest me. I have to choose. I am fortunate to be able to choose between things I want instead of having only bad options.

Howard is at GenCon where he will work hard, be with friends, feel exhausted, laugh loud, and come home with stories. I am a little sad that I am not there. I’m a little sad that it makes sense for me to be the one to stay home. I feel cliche about that sometimes. In two weeks Howard will be at WorldCon. Again he will be surrounded by friends and I will be home making sure the kids settle in to their school routines. I will be participating in the booth running for Salt Lake City Comic Con, but the exact schedule and extent of my participation has yet to be determined. I’ll get at least a partial professional event this fall.

On the other hand, I’ll be spending this final week before school with my kids. We’ll get to go on a final outing (if Gleek gets over her sore throat and fever). I’ll be here to sit with Kiki in church on the last Sunday before she departs for college. I’ll get to organize and clean, prepping back packs and school schedules. I wouldn’t want to miss any of that. There are so few days left. Part of me wants to slow down and savor. A larger part wants to jump ahead because things are going to change and we might as well get the change made so we can settle in.

I thought about all of this as I swayed gently in the warm evening. Then I thought of nothing much at all, because today began with a half day of shipping, was followed up by last minute convention-preparation, and then a 90 minute drive to drop Howard at the airport. I was tired. I am tired. Bedtime needs to be early tonight and all the rest of the decisions and things to do can wait until a different day.

Stress is not Logical

By / August 9, 2013

I woke up this morning stressed. I was stressed yesterday, but not at a drive-all-my-thoughts-and-actions level. Somehow the fact that it is Friday and I have almost run out of week tipped me over. There are all these things I need to do with various due dates.
Today
Contact the GenCon hotel and arrange for pre-payment
Count invoices and boxes to make sure we won’t run out of anything on Tuesday

Before Monday
Design flyers
Prepare house and yard for clan home evening (guests in the house)
Do all the laundry
Pack Howard for GenCon

By Tuesday
Set up the new 4G iPad, hopefully it’ll arrive in time to make the trip to GenCon. (Except I may need it here to set up Worldcon Point of sale system. Make a decision.)
Transfer my old iPhone to the Kidphone number (Maybe? think about it. It could be a credit card terminal at GenCon.)
Restock from the storage unit
Fill some wholesale orders of books
Ship the wholesale orders
Prepare the paperwork for GenCon (informational papers for on site folks)

Before WorldCon (Aug 27)
Sign up for the point of sale system
Buy peripherals for point of sale system (in time for them to be delivered and tested)
Set up point of sale system
Test point of sale system

Very important, Do as soon as possible so you don’t forget, no specific deadline looming
Weekly accounting
Finish setting up my phone (I need those contacts back)
Email people regarding the Jay Wake Book
Work layout for the Jay Wake Book
Call Adobe and shake a license number out of their customer support personnel because there is a snafu with Kiki’s product registration

In writing this post I am able to sort and categorize, but this morning all of those things were pounding in the front of my brain and jockeying for position. It seemed like I should start with the Must Be Done Today things, but my brain wouldn’t settle. So instead of trying to figure out what should come first, I asked myself which of these things was causing me the most stress. The answer was Accounting. We’ve spent a lot of money in the past few weeks between convention prep, a new HVAC system for the house, various medical expenses, and the college tuition/housing payment. My rough math told me we were covered, but my brain would not let it go. So I sat down and did the accounting. This is when I discovered that yes we are fine, BUT I really needed to make some payments to the credit cards today because while we have funds to cover things, both cards were nearing their limits and nothing would be likely to cause more stress in the next couple of weeks than the temporary inability to use a credit card. Logically accounting could wait until later, except for that one piece. Bills are paid, all is clear. And now I’m able to look at tasks by due date and proceed.

Interestingly Howard was feeling similar levels of stress this morning. It was also because a lower priority item was the one causing him the most stress. Brains are weird.

Busy Brain Day

By / August 7, 2013 / 3 Comments

My brain has been hopping through business tasks all day. I spent much of the morning looking at possible Point of Sale systems for our business. We’ve managed at conventions with a sort of cobbled together system, but it would be nice to have an integrated one that tracks everything for me rather than me having to figure out bits and pieces after the fact. Unfortunately this sort of analysis and decision making wears my brain out. Then my inner financial squirrel starts to make noises about the expense and don’t we really want to hold on to the money anyway. The financial squirrel likes to keep as much money stashed away as possible. But the storekeeper and accountant portions of my brain like this Point of Sale system very much.

I’d almost settled on a system when Howard needed to talk through some business things for upcoming conventions, so that required me to switch into booth manager brain. We also discussed the need for new headshots, a contract negotiation we need to undertake without offending the other party, and a contract that I really should have written and sent a week ago. So I ran downstairs and pulled out my contract writing brain. I was not quite done with that when it got to be time for my scheduled phone call with a publicist. We’ve never been very good about advertising Schlock. We comprehend the principles of marketing and branding, but I’ve never managed to figure out where and when to send out review copies. So spending an hour picking the brain of someone who does know was a very good idea. But I had to pull out my marketing brain.

Then I had pieces of all these different brains all taking up space in my head. Wait, that sounds way stranger than I thought it would. Rephrase. I had fragments of thoughts about Point of Sale systems, convention set up, marketing tasks, and contracts. So naturally I took my head full of fragments and went to buy a replacement for my seriously out of date phone. I have a new now, though I have mixed feelings about having it. The financial squirrel is not pleased at all, and the nostalgic part of me feels sad to part with my old one, it was a good companion for a long time. Yet as I’ve been setting up the new phone, it works so much better, so much more smoothly, that I’m losing my sadness very quickly. I’m going to be able to work and communicate on the go with far more capability. This is a good thing. If it were only a personal phone, I would have kept muddling through. Now I have a fully functional work device that I can carry in my pocket. Which was the point.

Now it is bedtime and there are lots of loose thoughts to mop up and tasks to put to bed. Or maybe it is me I need to put to bed so that I can finish tasks tomorrow. I think I’ll go with that plan.

Taking Care of People and Things

By / August 2, 2013 / 1 Comment

The people come first. They should always come first, but sometimes I get enmeshed in all the things to do that I forget to focus on the people. That reversal never lasts very long because people in need of care tend to draw attention. They request attention even if they are not aware that this is what they are doing. On a day like today I have very little temptation to care for things first.

Howard is working on the sketch editions. Sketching season is always a time when I rearrange my schedule to support Howard’s efforts, because doing 1000 sketches is really a marathon effort. Marathon runners could not accomplish what they do without a crew. Howard can’t do the sketches without the other members of his household providing support. This time the onset of sketching coincided with one of Howard’s depressive “I can’t do all of this” swings, which increased the level of support necessary.

Kiki had four wisdom teeth removed today. We made the appointment two weeks ago and then did all in our power to forget about it, because the thought of surgery made both Kiki and I very nervous. Today she was as jittery as a junebug, which I assume is really jittery since I’ve never actually seen a junebug. I watched her walk away with a nurse and remembered the last time that I’d seen her walk away with a nurse for anesthesia. She was two back then and needed ear tubes. This time it was a removal not an addition. Everything was routine and I rejoined her in the recovery room where I learned that recovering-from-anesthesia Kiki is very chatty. Most of the thoughts that came through her head were spoken, but short term memory was not being written into long term. She was awake and alert, asked reasonable questions, but she repeated them about every five minutes because she didn’t remember the answers. That effect wore off about half way home. Now we’re helping Kiki through post surgical recovery. So far the pain has not been particularly bad for her, which I’m glad about. Hopefully in another day or so she’ll be back to normal.

I’ve taken to hovering over Gleek’s shoulder as she plays online games. She’s on public servers and has made some friends there. Making friends is good, but it is my job to make sure that Gleek learns how to stay safe. Also, I’ve realized that at twelve she does not have a comprehension that just because someone has always been nice does not mean they’re safe. So I am hovering, and mostly being bored by it, because the chatter is primarily about blocks, building, swords, monsters, and giving instructions to new players. Yet I’m getting a feel for the social context of the game so that I can offer advice for when a player seems dodgy to me. Bit by bit my kids gather experience for normal online interactions so that they are able to spot the ones that are out of the ordinary, like someone being too nice because they want something later.

My mailbox is full. Three of them actually, since I manage my mail, the Schlock box, and the box for the Jay Wake Book. Each of those messages represents a person. It is easy to think of email as things to do, but on the other end of my replies are people. Today the email people are going to have to wait an extra day, because the in-my-house people get my attention first.

Patch spent most of today at cub scout day camp, so he missed the return of loopy Kiki. But he doesn’t mind because there were boat wars, pringles, cookies, rabbit fur, slingshots, and hours in the sun. All he needs from me today is for me to listen to his adventures for a bit.

Link spent the afternoon playing Metroid Prime Corruption for Kiki’s entertainment. He beat the game with 100%. Apparently my son has gotten quite good at video games. Naturally he started playing all over again on a harder difficulty setting.

Monday is the twentieth anniversary of when Howard and I got married. Sometime between now and then I’d like to find some deep and important thoughts on the topic. At the moment I just see the date coming and know nothing in particular is planned other than postage printing. Monday will be a work day, which is in keeping with our family tradition I suppose.

Dishes, laundry, clutter, bathroom grunge, these are all things, though they are things which affect the moods of people. I wish I had the energy to solve them today. Or rather, I wish I’d had the energy to take care of them yesterday so that they would already be done today. Instead I see them and feel a measure of defeat. Another day I will find laundry victory.

One thing I did succeed at doing today: I kept refined sugar and white flour out of my diet. I’m not going to be rigid, but those things need to be the occasional treat not daily fare. So that is a success. I also ordered banners for GenCon, made some arrangements for WorldCon, re-ordered the Writing Excuses DVDs, approved TOH for reprint, accepted delivery of shipping supplies, began accounting, and communicated with several people about Jay Wake. So I did some of the things today, I just wish I’d done all of them.

People before things.

Evaluating My Summer

By / July 23, 2013

There are days when it is very easy for me to identify all the places in my life where I could be doing better. This would seem like a good thing, not being blind to the need to improve. It would surely be worse if I woke after my kids, let them play on computers all day, expected them to forage through (well-stocked) cupboards for their own meals, and did not realize that this pattern of behavior counted as sub-par parenting. As a short-term rest from Mom always being in their faces expecting chores and homework, my kids welcome this laissez faire style, but over the long haul it is not good for them. They need structure, regular bedtimes, meals, or it can get perilously Lord-of-the-flies-ish around here. So I was noticing the need to improve my parenting game. I opted to take the kids on an outing. We went to a “Fun Arcade” to which we have passes. The kids did have fun there, playing laser tag, driving go carts, steering bumper boats. I had a sort of fun too while I watched them and took some pictures. Yet we all came home cranky and in dire need to be far away from crowds of people and noise. I brought home a lovely headache. Mission accomplished. Sort of.

The plan was for the outing to occupy the morning and I would get business tasks done in the afternoon. Yet I had real difficulty re-engaging my business brain. I’d opened up my long parenting thoughts, spent a morning thinking of the other outings and things we’d like to do this summer. I mused upon ways that I could spend time with my kids and enrich their lives. Those thoughts filled my brain and did not want to be tucked away so that I could answer emails. I was stressfully aware of all work waiting on my attention, but unable to focus on a particular task enough to complete it. This, of course, sent me into an existential despair. obviously I can not possibly be a good mother and a good business owner simultaneously. The best I can manage is a haphazard rotation. I would long for the return of school, when there was more separation between the parenting and the business management, but I quite clearly remember how much I was looking forward to having less schedule for the summer.

I spoke today with a friend about the state of publishing and her current strategy for revising and submitting books. Her assessment of how the business of publishing is currently running was sound to me, but rather discouraging considering the types of things that I write and the speed at which I write them. I don’t write best-seller material, or at least I haven’t yet. My publishing career may never take of because of a hundred factors out of my control. Yet only a few days ago I spilled angst on these subjects and decided to write anyway because I have stories that I want to tell whether or not they ever gain a wide audience. The size of the audience is not how to measure the worth of a story. So I focus on the work itself, not where I think the work will take me, or what public appraisal of the work will bring to me. It is me and the words, me and the story. Those are the things that matter.

After my friend left, I looked over to my kids who were wearing headphones and clicking with their computer mouses. I walked over and kissed the tops of their heads. They didn’t even flinch, because that is a normal thing for me to do. They live in confidence that they are loved, that the cupboards will have food, that we’ll all attend church together, that if they have a problem, or a scratch, or a random thought, they can find Mom or Dad and tell us about it. They usually have to dig in baskets for clean clothes to wear, but the clothes are clean, the dishes get done (mostly), and our floors are clear in the middles where people need to walk. All of this stuff is the work of parenting. It is the moments when I fit grocery shopping and laundry in between the business email and shipping. These things are done with out expectation of accolades, and certainly not because I expect my kids to remember it. The outings (which I’ve been feeling guilty for not doing) are the times that get the photographs and are chronicled as family stories. The true work of parenting is listening when a child wants to tell every detail of her dream. The dream itself is unimportant, but the listening is very important.

The heart of creation, whether it be a family, a story, a business, or a household, is in the quiet work done almost out of sight. When I readjust my vision to focus on those things, I think I may not be doing so badly this summer after all.