Across the lava we go!

By / April 14, 2005 / 4 Comments

I finally sat down and did bookkeeping today. In the papers, bills, and reciepts I found the money stress that was curiously lacking when I faced the bill for water heaters on Tuesday.

I also found that on Tuesday two people made largish paypal donations. I have no idea if the donations are connected to my journal post about water heaters, but I do know that those donations made a huge difference in the level of money-related stress I was feeling. The monetary amount wasn’t enough to cover the unexpected expense, but the gesture of support was immeasurably helpful.

We continue to live like Link crossing lava using ice arrows. The path simply isn’t there more than a month or two down the road, but we keep on walking and scrambling to build as we go so that we never come to the end of the path. We’ve already crossed more months of expenses that I would have believed possible when Howard left Novell. It is only thanks to an inflow of goodwill, cartooning work, donations, and gifts that we manage to keep building a path to walk on. In just the past week I’ve had literally boxes of clothing given to me for kids to grow into. I’m continually amazed and grateful for the kindness of people around me. I needed to be reminded of this today.

The Mystery Puddle

By / April 12, 2005

I’ve had the last two days rearranged by a Mystery Puddle in my basement. The location and size of the puddle made it unlikely that any of the children was the culprit. It turns out that my water heaters were about 5 years overdue for failure and one of them finally figured it out. The good news is that we have enough cash on hand to have the heaters replaced. The bad news is that it cost us half a month’s worth of living expenses. For some reason the money isn’t stressing me today. Probably because the Mystery Puddle derailed my bookeeping session for two days in a row. Right now I’m too focused on making Kiki get along with Gleek, and preparing for Penguicon next week, to get stressed about a potential lack of money in June.

Sisters

By / April 10, 2005 / 17 Comments

Kiki has decided that Gleek is the most annoying person in the world. I could chalk it up to normal sibling rivalry and wait for them to grow out of it, but I’m disinclined to do so. In my growing up years a sibling relationship with issues nearly tore my family apart and became physically dangerous more than once. I was an observer, not a participant, but it was terrifying to us all. I can’t/won’t sit and wait for things to get better because my experience teaches me that worse is just as likely. My strategy for improving their relationship is as follows:

1. Gleek is frequently annoying because she is starved for attention. She is a high-energy person in a house full of introverts. We all spend a lot of time trying to convince her to leave us alone for awhile. I’m going to have to give up some of my introvert time and actively spend time with Gleek. She needs more stories, more games, more tickles, more snuggles, etc.

2. Kiki is allowed to complain about Gleek so long as she does not do it where Gleek can hear. Not even Kiki can control what she feels, but she can control what she says and where. Anytime she says something hurtful where Gleek can hear, then as part of the apology Kiki will have to say two nice things about Gleek to Gleek. In the interests of fairness this new rule will apply to all people in the household.

3. Kiki has to compile a list of 50 things she likes about Gleek. This is a direct consequence of yesterday’s incidents which brought this problem into focus for me. We’re going to come up with 3 things each day until we have a full list. Once she is angry Kiki has trouble coming up with even one nice thing, even when Kiki and Gleek were playing wonderfully only minutes ago. I need to help her focus on positive things instead of negative.

4. I will provide Kiki with as much Gleek-free space as I can manage. This is difficult because they share a room, but we’ve already made a few helpful adjustments.

5. I’m turning the Mommy Radar sensitivity way up when the two of them are together. Right now it does not take much for Kiki to go ballistic and explode and so I have to be right there to intervene until the other measures have had time to work some attitude changes. In fact I’m just turning it way up when Gleek is near anyone. I paid attention today and every single sibling squabble which occured involved Gleek. Gleek is not beligerent, she is headstrong, and the other kids do not have the skills they need to deal with her. I’m going to have to actively intervene long enough for the other kids to pick up some Gleek management skills. My intervention will also help Gleek develop more trust that she will be listened to without resorting to screaming or hitting.

6. I’m going to help Gleek do some overtly nice things for Kiki. This will give Kiki some things to write on her list.

7. I have to stop letting Gleek bend and break rules simply because she’s worn me out and I’m too tired to stop her. Kiki sees this and it makes her angry/resentful. Kiki then displaces the anger to Gleek because Gleek is a safer target than Mom.

So that’s the plan. I re-read it and it exhausts me. I don’t want to have to do all of that. I don’t want to give up more of my mental, emotional, and physical energy. But they need me too and I dare not fail them. Parenting is like juggling and I’ve just added 7 more balls to keep in the air. This means I’ll be dropping something else. Not on purpose, but I simply can’t do everything all the time. Being a good parent is knowing which ball is okay to drop today. I can catch it on the bounce right?

If I’m a Stay-At-Home mom, how come I’m always in my car?

By / April 7, 2005 / 2 Comments

This past week has trompled me flat. Monday and Tuesday were completely absorbed by business stuff. By Tuesday night I realized that I hadn’t really looked at my kids once in 48 hours. Wednesday was completely scheduled from crawling out of bed earlier than usual to falling into bed at night. There were a few gaps in events, but I used them up by collapsing in a heap. Today I was away from the house all morning, spent one hour at home, then turned around to be gone most of the afternoon. I’ve done exactly zero laundry or housework this week and it really shows. I feel all messy and irritable. Of course not being able to squeeze a shower into the schedule might have something to do with that.

Tomorrow I’ve cleared the decks. I have no out of the house events. I’m going to stay home and catch up. At least in theory, there will probably be a nap involved. Maybe Howard and I will have a chance to do more than cross paths as well. I honestly do not know how people who work away from their houses manage.

Daddy Time

By / April 6, 2005

Last night amidst the chaos which is supposed to be homework time and bedtime, I happened to glance downstairs. I saw Howard on his knees playing ring-around-the-rosy with Gleek and Patches. He was even using the right words instead of amusing-but-gross alternates which he tends to prefer. Gleek and Patches were revelling in the attention. A few minutes later when Howard declared “Daddy Fatigue” Gleek collapsed into tears. I went to go and rescue Howard, but Gleek pushed me away and went running to hug her daddy. That was a real first. Gleek has always been a mommy-for-comfort girl. The whole incident made me so glad for the life Howard and I are currently living. Howard now has time to play with kids and read them stories and do all the little things which add up so importantly in the lives of children.

Life is good.

De-stressed

By / April 5, 2005 / 1 Comment

I sat down and wrote a worst-case scenario for the business deal I was stressed over. It was really close to what our original plan was.

I also got up and walked away for awhile. I paid attention to kids and refocused myself into what really matters to me.

I feel much better now.

Stressed!

By / April 5, 2005

I have been head down in business concerns for two days. I’ve spent a lot of time, energy, and effort trying to help a friend hammer out a business/bookkeeping plan. We hammered and worked and then presented it to the people it is supposed to benefit. They panicked. They didn’t understand it. They felt like we were trying to take over. Not what I wanted to have happen. This reaction means somehow we failed to present it correctly.

Things have calmed down now and people are starting to talk politely, but I’m still residually stressed. Can’t I just go back to being a mommy and not being partially responsible for a potentially lucrative financial future for two families?

Schlockish thoughts

By / April 3, 2005 / 4 Comments

Last friday Howard took Schlock Mercenary off of the keenspot site. It was a step that we’ve needed to take for a long time. Now we don’t have to care when there is a keenspot internal political/ interpersonal mess. It is very tempting for me to explain in detail all the events which led to this necessity, but I could not do so without saying very unkind things about people whom I’ve never actually met. I’ve done a lot of thinking and I’ve decided that I am not going to say anything that could add to the mass of hard feelings that some of these people have for each other. Rudeness only adds to problems and keeping mum does me no harm at all.

I like the new site that Howard and Chalain have designed. I especially like how fast the archives load. I’m curious to see what the Google ad revenues will be like.

I’m also relived that we’re finally getting to the crisis in Howard’s current storyline. I’ve known that this story was coming for more than a year. I’ve been actively nervous about it since Schlocktoberfest 2004.

Out of the house.

By / March 31, 2005 / 4 Comments

This may be silly, but Howard is out of the house for an evening and I’m feeling lonely. I’ve gotten so used to him being here 24/7 that when he’s gone somewhere for more than an hour or two I have to quell impulses to call relatives long distance so that I have someone to talk to. This does not bode well for when he actually goes on a trip and is gone for days. I’ve forgotten how to manage without him around. I’m not complaining. This is a problem I longed for less than a year ago. I’m just babbling into my journal because my Howard is gone for the evening.

Kid Safety

By / March 29, 2005 / 3 Comments

Today I read this article: (http://tv.ksl.com/index.php?sid=158841&nid=5) It is an example of alarmist marketing.
“Statistics show that roughly 2,000 children are reported missing every day.” That is probably true, but they fail to mention that the vast majority of those “missing” children are at a friend’s house, with a friendly relative, asleep behind the couch, or have some other benign reason for not being where they were expected. Most of the kids who appear on those Missing Children mailers have been abducted by a parent in the course of a custody battle. This is heart rending for those involved, but does not reflect the risk to the average person’s child at all.

Next statement: “Police say the first three hours are the most critical after a child is taken.” This is a true statement. If a child is truly abducted by a “friend” or, much more rarely, a total stranger then the first hours are critical. Having your child’s picture and vital statistics ready to hand CAN be a big help the police greatly. So the idea of carrying the info with you is a worthwhile one whether you choose to keep a photo in your wallet or a USB stick on your keychain. Unfortunately most parents go through the effort once and then, feeling secure, fail to update the photo and info regularly.

What bothers me most about the article is the way that they imply that child abduction is an imminent threat to ALL children. This simply isn’t true. Child abduction with the intent to harm the child is rare. Parents do not need to live in daily nail-biting fear that someone will steal their child. What parents need to do is take proactive steps to minimize their risk. Identity kits are a good step. Teaching kids how to evaluated and talk to strangers is another. Evaluating all the adults whom you allow to have unsupervised access to your kids is yet another. Talking through with kids how to react to a threatening adult is a great idea. Reading Protecting The Gift by Gavin De Becker is a fantastic place to start. There are so many things that parents can be doing to make their children safe, but unfortunately many parents just wring their hands and sleep poorly at night instead.